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774 records found.

A Shorter, Harsher Titanic Mar 23, 1998, 03:00 EST

By Eric D. Snider

Many of you have seen the film Titanic, which is about a great big boat that sank like a thousand years ago that for some reason everyone is just now getting worked up about. Some of you — I am speaking to the women here — have seen this movie several times. And I would like to know why. Have the principles of film-making not been adequately explained to you, so you think there's a chance the movie will end differently if you see it again? Do you think this is a Choose Your Own Adventure movie? Because it's not. No matter how many times you see it, the boat is going to sink, and the same people are going to die, including the guy who falls and whacks his noggin on the railing on the way down.

A strange language Apr 21, 1997, 02:00 EDT

Let's face it-English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

A Summary of Attempted Dating and Associated Insanity Aug 23, 2005, 05:00 EDT

By Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro

It became perfectly clear at that point that I couldn't make more of an imbecile out of myself even if I tried. But, I thought, I am here now, the show must go on. I may as well get through with this farce.

A Sure Cure Oct 11, 2005, 05:00 EDT

By Brian Newman

He was just starting out, making his way onwards and upwards with the British aristocracy. He had access to an after hours club. The rich, after all, can't be bothered with the everyday laws and rules designed for lesser beings.

A WASP Speaks Mar 12, 2002, 03:00 EST

By Cliff Yankovich

There are some interesting things going on in the world today, are there not? Before I go any further I want to emphasize that the violent actions of any group of men and women which result in pain and death to other people sickens me. No matter what their skin color, religious and/or sociopolitical motivation may be.

About a lucky man who made the grade Aug 23, 2005, 01:00 EDT

By Jakob Straub

This all happens very fast, but to me, time seems to slow down. It almost looks as if he is riding directly into the truck (which appears to be going very fast), face first.

AD&D Monster Manual Addendum Mar 10, 1997, 04:00 EST

Submitted by Peter Fung

Barney resides in a great temple and television studio on the lowest plane of the Abyss, with areas extending into every lower plane and prime material plane via transdimensional gates. He is constantly surrounded there by 1-100 Barney zombies clutching plush dolls and lollipops, which they may use as +2 maces in combat.

Adventures of the Educational Kind Dec 22, 2003, 02:00 EST

By Leandro

As I'm driving in a snow storm during a clear and sunny sky--at one point in my life I would've found that very strange, but after this year, I thought it was very fitting--it later occurred to me that Einstein didn't check for ID either. I must have a face that emanates an aura of automatic trust. Or she's just not very bright.

Ah, sweet recognition Mar 25, 2005, 04:00 EST

By Livingtochill

For some reason, we've stopped trusting each other. It's drilled into us as children. "Don't talk to strangers." "Never open the door unless your parents are around." We compartmentalize people in order to separate ourselves from them.

Ahi, Rama Feb 24, 1999, 05:00 EST

By Leandro

The other night I was heading home, coming from the video store, and this guy coming from the opposite direction, stops me. After quickly introducing himself to me, he asks me if I knew that Jesus died for my sins. Well, no fucking shit he did. First of all, if I didn't, I would by now. I think one of the amazing things about Toronto is that there is always some generous soul, standing in some corner, trying to save mine.

al-Qaidaville Mar 3, 2003, 05:00 EST

By Peter Steen

Thinkin' 'bout Osama, here on Grand Bahama
They say the war's about all the oil
Pluckin' at my thong string, tuggin' on my nose ring
They're gonna lance Saddam like a boil

Alien Resurrection Dec 10, 1997, 03:00 EST

By Peter Steen

Thank God that whoever is responsible for Alien Resurrection has some humour, some originality and some brains. Going into the movie theatre, I was worried that the latest Alien flick was going to be some lamely-hashed out excuse for a shoot-em-up quick moneymaker.

Almost barred on barf Sep 15, 1997, 02:00 EDT

While pursuing one of the final credits for my Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree at a well known Toronto University, I happened to enter a class dealing with the politics of art, held at one of the most prominant art galleries in Ontario. As a term project, debates were assigned. Since my last name is what it is, I was given last pick. Fortunately or so I thought, I was assigned a rather interesting subject--that of Jubal Brown, the "barfing art critic."

American Gods by Neil Gaiman May 13, 2002, 04:00 EDT

By Melissa DeWilde

Think of America. Think of the people living there and who have lived there. The Vikings, the Indians, slaves. The immigrants from Ireland, Japan and everywhere in between. Now imagine the gods they brought with them: the spirits, the leprechauns and demons.

An open letter to the jerk who kicked me on the subway yesterday Jun 22, 2004, 03:00 EDT

By Zoid-ah-Sin

Maybe you had loved ones at home you were eager to get to. Although, in your case, I'd guess that the term "loved one" is probably in reference to your left hand and a bit of lotion--a small bit of lotion.

Anal-retentive Stuck-up Pedantic Uncut Mothers Feb 24, 1999, 03:00 EST

By Lilith DemHareIs

First of all, the walls were a mess. And the carpet cleaner wasn't a 'real' professional, since he's got a bad reputation. (Funny, nobody had told me.) There was dust on the blinds, and marks on the floor, and dust in the window crevasses, and (gasp) there were fingerprints on the lightswitches!!

Anatomy of a Bad Movie Apr 14, 1997, 02:00 EDT

By Raymond Belair

"How did that piece of crap ever get made? I could have written a better movie!"
How many times have you walked out of the theater muttering these phrases?

Anime Sucks! Nov 17, 1999, 05:00 EST

By Goat ''I'm not bitter'' Boy

I hate anime`. I was raised with anime`, and next to a dubbed version of Rocket Robin Hood, anime` was the next best thing to that and a giant enema. I don't know if it's a common thing in Europe, but in Italy, even now, you flip on the channel and you can find re-runs of all the blasted anime` cartoons that I had to endure.

Anti-anti-Americans May 17, 2003, 03:00 EDT

By Smitty-boy

This story, like all good stories of our time, is a story about a girl, and love in times of war; without the war, love, or the girl. This story is actually about hate, anti-Americanism, a bathroom, and of course, communism.

Anti-Spamming Bills introduced in Congress Jun 2, 1997, 02:00 EDT

Courtesy of Olga Altshuler

Two bills with vastly different philosophies have been introduced into Congress to deal with the e-mail spamming issues.

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