The meaning of Life

Every year it seems like I end up writing some silly drivel about the meaning of life. This time however I want to try writing some more meaningful and deeper in understanding then my other times, since the world will soon end. I suggest therefore you stop wasting your money in RRSPs since you'll never live long enough to retire and to borrow an incredible amount of money and enjoy life before it is too late.

Now, from I see from the news, it seems that World War III is next door. United States (and unfortunately Canada, because they decided to provide their slingshots to aid the attack in Iraq) will soon find themselves fighting against all of the Arab countries that will unite and fight back. This time however war will not be what people usually define as conventional. In other words, war will not be fought in a civilized manner like in WW I or WWII. This time it will be Chemical. We'll be at war but not a gunshot will be heard, except for the fact that 90% of the population will mysteriously die of some strange disease. Enough of that, let me explain the meaning of life:

My girlfriend and one of her friends had invited me to dinner in one strange and small Indian restaurant in the Indian part of town. It looked like one of those places where if you wanted to eat Indian food you'd be somewhere else. The place was dark and small, a tank full of Piranhas on one side of the wall, and the Indian version of the Godfather sitting with his boys on another table discussing something rather vividly. Our food was served, and to my question "What's in this?" I was answered with a "Do you really want to know?" The girl in front of me was eating and making sounds as if she was having some really good sex.

"You know" she pointed out "when you don't have sex in a while, food is the next best thing". Thoughts of the word `chocolate' crossed my mind.

"Well, yeah" I answered as casually as I could "sex is almost as essential as food. In fact, I can't think life without either of them".

"True" she answered "but it has to be good. Masturbation just doesn't do it for me anymore. What man needs is good sex. And good food too. You just can't eat the corporate junk-food that they seem to throw at us this days. Quality has been replaced with speed".

"People forgot how to live" I added "they sleep very little, don't have sex because they are too tired after a long day at work, they eat junk in a hurry to get back to work... and then they wonder what the meaning of life all is".

"That's it!" she yelled back, grabbing the attention of the strange Godfather guy sitting at the other end "that is the meaning of life! Good sleep, good sex, good food!"

"And don't forget" I added "a good shit while reading a good book!"

"Wow, who would've thought we would figure it all out tonight?" and we both glanced at my girlfriend who had this strange look in her face.

So there it was. The meaning of life in five easy steps. Who ever thought that living was that simple? It makes me wonder why at times we run around like freaks to go to work, and putting all of our essential needs (eat, sleep, sex, shit) aside.

Now, I don't know if the Christ will come back down to Earth. The disappointing thing about the end of the world will mean no more Internet, and everybody will be too busy trying to survive than to read CoN. Oh gosh, the horror... the horror...