Why guys don't call...

Okay, so say if I don't call my guy for a while, will he then think that I don't like him anymore and the relationship is over? Then, he won't call back because he'll think that the relationship is over and I have moved on.

Don't call him. It's almost guaranteed to work like a charm. He'll get curious. Trust me. Of course, not calling him and fretting over whether or not he'll call you may require you to slice off both your arms so you don't pick up the phone. But hey, give it a shot. I am swearing to myself that I will NOT call my boyfriend or even return his call to me next time he calls. He's been a little neglectful, and a swear that I will NOT wait by the phone like a little puppy and waste my whole damn weekend for the sound of his voice.

We need to get a spine and have some fun..on our own. I think you'll be amazed at the results. Worked like a charm for me every time previously.

Yes, you should go out with your female friends and have a good time. Yes, you should go to the gym like you have promised yourself for the last six months. Yes, you should run that marathon. DO NOT call him. DO NOT let him think that you will drop everything to be with him. My man has been spoiled. Now I have to retrain myself to stop letting him have it all and I I have to retrain him--to call everyday like he did at first, to take me out, to spoil me --the way I spoiled him. So be good to yourself. Let it go! HE WILL CALL-- just don't do it first

It's so hard though. Sometimes, when I call too much, I start obsessing over the messages I left, and then I think I have to leave another one to undo the damage. I am going through this right now. It is really helpful to see that I am not the only one. I have such a hard time listening to advice. I always start to convince myself that if he doesn't call, he definitely wants to break up. I have a need for immediate gratification to alleviate those thoughts, which is, in reality, very selfish. I am going to let him go, and if he really loves me, he will come to me--If I have to force him, it's not worth it, right? My problem is, when I love someone, I can't imagine that there is another man on this earth that I could ever love--I am, in fact, convinced of it. Just curious, do you think this kind of behavior is related to a bad childhood?

I like this guy but it seems every time that I call he's not home. So I am trying my best to not call him and hope that he calls me. Although its been a couple of weeks. I just miss hanging out with him because he's a really fun guy to hangout with. But then again it's his loss also if he doesn't want to spend anytime with me. So I just hope if he's still interested he'll call. Good luck to all you girls out there. Hope everything goes well for you and wish me luck :)

Man, I hate the phone. It has to be the number one cause of all of my stress when it comes to men ("guys"). I recently got "set up" with a very hot guy by a co-worker. He was interested in me first, and very anxious to go out on a date. I was skeptical about going out so soon after meeting him--it seemed too much like a blind date. It was fun though, and I found out he possesses all of the awesome characteristics I look for. (I am very picky.)We were supposed to have dinner a couple of nights later, but he had a long day (so did I) and so we cancelled it. And so now....GUESS WHAT!! He hasn't called me since. Okay, it's only been 2 days, but you KNOW how crazy this is driving me?!?! I am a firm believer in not calling. It's very, very hard though, and yes, you DO get the feeling that his interest must be gone. You have to try not to make excuses for them and think about it all of the time. After all, how much time do you think they spend thinking about it? My friend told me about a book (The Road to I Do. ??) that said you could not hear from a guy for weeks, but he could still turn out to be "the one." I'm not sure I'm too keen on that idea. I'd just be too pissed, and would have wiped his name from my memory by then, you know? Good luck girls! We need to stick together and not let these bad phone manners get us down! :)

WoW!! I really needed to read this on tonight. I broke up with him two days ago and I am dying to pick up the phone and just say, "hi, honey". But I know...DON'T CALL. I am worried that if I don't then he would believe that I do want to end. Oh well, if he wanted me then he DOES know how to get in touch. It's hard but I will try not to call. I actually printed this issue out and keep it next to phone...it works! good luck girls

okay so what if we haven't been dating for very long at all, but he still doesnt call. and then even if i call him once, just once, i can't get a hold of him. it gets so frustrating that i keep on calling because i just wanna hear him tell me what the fuk is going on and why he isnt calling or why he isnt trying to see me! we are supposed to be together right? well i might wanna add this, hes around 3 years older than me, so maybe that's it? which i dont get because if hes so ashamed of going out with a girl thats younger than him he wouldnt have introduced me to all of his friends, would he? what do i do? call him until my fingers fall of from dialing? and if i shouldnt call him how the hell can i keep myself from worrying about it all??

>Although I've heard many different views on the book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", I think it shred some light on this problem.

Oh my God- that is the WISEST typo I have ever seen! WOW! <3 REVSCRJ

I've been with a guy for a few weeks and he was a constant caller, texter. Since he's gone home to visit his friends and family for a few weeks, he NEVER calls! When I do manage to get hold of him in a semi-drunken-state after a night out on the p*ss with his mates, he is hung over and never wants to chat, he says we are 'still together' & says I'm mad for keeping on asking, as though I meant to think he is still interested even though he doesnt call or reply to my texts-ok his phone bill was in the hundreds because he used to call me that much, but what does he expect me to think, other than he isn't interested by not calling! Jeez its driving me mad, I called him about 8 times in one day and he never replied at all, but still says we are ok, I have only one theory on this -Men are just Weird! Especially when around other men, I'm going to try not calling him for a week, but then again don't know if it will work as he is in the military and these men are used to not contact from girlfriends for long amounts of time! Just hope it works with him, if not, I'm finishing it, as I can't be dealing with a distant boyfriend!

My story is so much like K's. In the beginning he called like crazy and text and v/m and everything else. And then it stop! I think I broke up with him 5 times in one month but always called and went back and he would tell me how much he missed me. Here's the truth though: the less he calls and then the more CLINGY you become. Here I am again refusing to call. I suggest to purchase the book, "Don't call that man" because it's worth reading everytime you want to pick up that phone. I would love to exchange emails to get out some frustrations!

He didn't call...so I'm guessing for all of you out there who isn't in a long term relation and it has just started, then if they don't call, they don't want to speak to you, and if they don't want to speak to you it means they don't want to be with with you, men are cowards most of the time and whimp out by ignoring calls rather than just doing the brave and decent thing by letting a woman know. Anyway good luck with your guys!

No, maybe those men that YOU date are cowards. Don't label the entire gender just because of a few mishaps that might not have occurred if you actually thought of what you were getting into.

Hey, sorry but they are cowards. I guess "just ignore" game is easier. They just want to keep you hanging on. Anyhow, I didn't call. I kept the thought in my head that I know he is thinking of me. Slowly, the feelings drifted aways. And now...the BASTARD won't leave me alone. Sending me all the old emails telling me I didn't mean any of it. This is after he was an ass for 2 months. And of course, he learned his "lesson" and can not live without me but now I think I can live without him. It won't be long until he becomes the coward again. Just remember, you can't make someone love you.

It's true. Why else would they constantly say stuff that they don't mean? It's because they don't have the balls to say what they want or don't want from women. This guy I mentioned on April 01, is a total flake. His favorite line is, "What are you doing tonight? I'll call you later." But, that's right, he never does. Well, he has a couple of times and how surprised am I!! Then he took it a step further this weekend and stood me up. But it's OK! I am so over his BS by now, and this is exactly what I expected. If he weren't so damn hot I would have told him to get lost a long time ago. But today is different. It's been 2 months of this crap. The very next time I see him and he tells me "I'll call you later" I'M going to tell him, "You don't have to say that every time you see me and you know what? I'd rather if you didn't call me at all." It's a real shame that guys have to play these stoopid games, especially when they are the ones who hate them the most. They're losing out on some really great girls, from what I have read on this site. Sorry, Ladies! We deserve better--just don't know where to find it. S

>Why...would they...say stuff...they don't mean?

Likely this (as to the not calling): when with you there is a level of happiness that quickly dulls when away.

>a step further this weekend and stood me up.

You have to ask yourself how much of his time to you NEED. Sometimes the obligation on ones time, even from loved ones can lead to resentment. So if it turns out that he wants tto give you less time than you need, well, move on.

>If he weren't so damn hot I would have
>told him to get lost a long time ago.

Then fuck him and dont love him.

>shame that guys have to play these stoopid games,

Need I mention the psychosis that women are also prone to? Its the same one...

Case in point: a friend recently split with a girl who said that she'd try to get him drunk to get him back into bed.

If thats not a "male" behaviour- I dont know what is!

>Sorry, Ladies! We deserve better

as do we men.
<3 REVSCRJ

Jesus Christ, men are cowards and men are scum. I'm sensing some animosity towards men on this website. If it gets any worse, heartless-bitches.com is going to have some competition in the male-bashing department.

Sheri:

If he weren't so damn hot I would have told him to get lost a long time ago.

I find this extremely amusing. Not only are we being superficial over such trivial matter, but generalizing also.

Sure, looks can be important, but in the end, if you decide to live with this person, looks are only going to go so far. If this person cannot be there for you when you need them the most, no matter how good they look, it is not going to help.

Feel free to continue blaming the entire male part of the human species. After all, being able to see one's own mistakes and make a change with them is hard. It's far easier to blame everybody else for our own shortcomings.

leandro

I'm not saying men are scum or trying to lump them all together into one foul catagory. I LOVE men. What I was trying to say is that men(guys boys whatever) aren't as sure of what they want anymore which causes them to say things they probably shouldn't say. And yes, REVSCRJ, some women DO behave badly, but I am not one of those women. I still have some older values - wouldn't think of taking advantage of a man. Especially for sex--jesus. I'm almost 34 years old and I'm here to tell you that dating isn't easy anymore. I think to a certain extent women have become the aggressor, and that's what may be spoiling it for the easy going girls out there. They're scaring them away and making them way too repressed. When I was in my 20's seems like guys had a lot more nerve.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone. I go out on lots of dates. I just got hung on this one--you know "he's perfect" and so happens he is really hot. It's not about the looks. It's about the behavior! I have only called him twice. He calls me, too but never when he says he will, which is all of the time. That is my point. I actually don't really care whether he ever calls me again. He just needs to stop saying that he will.

Somehow along the line here we got off track. The problem is "Why guys don't call..." You know, like when they SAY they will. It's not about bashing VASH!!! We like them and want to be with them. You know until today, I didn't even know there was such a site as male-bashing.com. Go there a lot do you? Tell us all about it.

Will try to keep this short, but I'm a female and that's hard to do (lol)...been seeing this guy for 3 months now...absolutely WONDERFUL sex (heard that one before...yea right), anyway...at first I knew it was only sex I was looking for as well as he (he's kind of a rebel personality) first time it was my stupid reaction to call him and say how wonderful he was and ask that we get together again...mistake...he avoided ALL my calls and messages (I admit I left several...stupid mistake #1)...then after accepting the fact that he was only looking for a good time out of the blue he approaches me and asks if I am mad..I said in so many words yes, I can't understand why he hasn't called..he replied "too busy at work"...told me how sexy I was ....radda radda radda...and asked we get together that night...I said yes..mistake #2....we did and again very very good....I again tried to call after a couple of days (mistake #3) and he avoided my calls and when I saw him at work (mistake #4) he would be so COLD to me....another week goes by....he gets flirtatious again..and we get together...this goes on for 2 months! Mistake #5....then when I called him about getting together he gets VERY defensive and basically treats me like Sh#!#@! over the phone (hangs up on me) and I run over there (mistake #6) and he is so rude and tells me that I am pushing the issue with him too much (take from granted that from the VERY beginning that I told him I was NOT looking for anything serious at all...just good time (yea and a guy believes that one)...well we part as basically in a bad way...several weeks go by and casual glances (nothing sexual or flirtatious happens) until one day out of the blue he hits on me again...asks to be with him at work , I said no that if he wanted to have a simple blow #!@@ that wasn't enough that I needed to be satisfied myself too (two way street you know)...he then calls and comes over a couple of days later...again great sex! (how many mistakes if this now? oh well)...this time it was very different than before...he was more considerate, very caressing, not just ALL sex and even said he knew I was falling for him but didn't say anything that it bothered him in any way..I told him not to get a big head about it that he didn't know how I felt...anyway after that things at work has been great...been very flirty, even sometimes more than flirty at work, within limits, it is work afterall....and I break down and call him (didn't call him during that time at all after our little dispute)...he said he was (and he was) too tired from working 13 hours that day (who wouldn't be?) and passed...another day goes by...he again is very flirty looking me up and down and coming into to see me as much as possible and we discuss me calling him later that evening to see what was going on...calls me that evening and we have a very seductive kind of talk over the phone but that we couldn't get together because he was too tired and perhaps another night and that was that for the evening. Go to work the next day....I get off late that evening and again after hitting on me all day I call and leave a message that I got off work late and if he wanted to come over to call (last of calls...only 1)...he doesn't call or even acknowlege at work the next day that I called...go to work the next day again he is very flirty...very seductive in his looks and smiles and grins, hits on me and when I get off work I leave him a sexual kind of message that I'm interested and that he can call me.....also called him at home because forgot his phone exceeded time minutes to leave a message...anywho......he calls me tonight and is very rude over the phone...I ask him what was wrong that he acted as if he was in a bad mood and if I have done something and he replies "I'm tired and hungry, want to take a shower, eat, and go to bed." (it is true that everyone has been putting in a lot of hours...more than their share this week) "let me call YOU"...in strong words he says "you are acting like you were before...I told him "no that I wasn't and that was not I was trying to do". He again says he's going to shower and thanks for calling him and that was that.....now....this is total bullS#!!!...I really don't know what to expect here (probably nothing) but WHY oh WHY do guys do this? how is a gal to know WHEN or IF to call? maybe the answer is NEVER? how can a guy be so caring, thoughtful, care about your sexual pleasures (and he really does at that...no lie...not just his satisfaction) and be this way? I have told him over and over that I am NOT looking for anything serious and just want to enjoy myself and who I with....when asked about if I am seeing anyone else (and I am...very casual, no sex at all...just mutual) he gets very inquisitiive, almost jealous to find out details (of course I don't tell him)....so, here's the final question (finally huh?)....drop him? screen his calls? don't answer at all? tell him to get lost? I don't know what to think....I really like our times together but it's the away thing that bothers me the most....so what is a gal to do? why don't men call? why do they lead you (and they DO lead you to call them) and then treat you this way when you do call? this is not my first relationship...I am older (not too old) and have experienced relationships in my life...my only best thing is that I have a very good guy friend who has helped give me his male perspective on what to do....what is your opinion? could really be something here IF I or he wants it...but getting to that part right now is the struggle....relationships.....bah humbug?

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/anontheory.html

I shouldn't be divulging this info to a girl, "but in the end, it doesn't really matter." Girls and guys lead each other on pretty much the same.

Are you falling for this guy?

Because, if you're not, you're being toyed with his manipulation. Either drop him (which will be hard if you both work in the same place) or be indifferent. Show you don't care. Stop calling, show lack of interest and keep your calls short.

You've just reversed the table. Watch him jump through loops for you.

As for the good sex, sex (unlike good ole fashioned love making--now that's where passion really shows) is like driving a car. Once you know how to drive one, it really takes no skill in figuring out how to drive others. They all have pedals and a steering wheel and will respond accordingly to what is used.

You already pointed out your mistakes, you should be acting accordingly, not waiting for someone here to tell you what you're already thinking.

leandro

p.s.
The enter key is a great invention.

thanks for input....to answer the question of whether I'm falling for this guy.....I really don't know....sometimes I think I am but when he acts this way I wonder why...it's that damned female thing....I really wish I could say but probably more afraid to say it.....if I admit it to either myself or him right now either way I think I will be the one getting hurt in the long run.....but then again who is to say?.....damn.....life can be so difficult....I do wonder how he would behave if I said I was.....but really kind of scared that if he likes the idea then what? am I really ready for this? I don't know....and if he gets peed off then it will be over for sure.....but then I really wouldn't be losing anything would I? except if I don't want a committment (and right now I don't) and I say I am and he accepts it.....I'm screwed either way (and I mean that seriously, not sexaully either.....ha ha)....just will have to play it until I think I get tired of the game...I am trying to associate with others but that can be hard too....it is really hard sometimes being a gal....not as easy as men think it is....grass always looks greener on the other side of the septic tank! I appreciate the sound advice and yes I should know better but why the hell do we (women) put up with this stuff over and over? is there ever an end? maybe that is what makes life go on.....keep up the comments....they really help....and if you are a guy out there, a very serious reflection of guys like this would be greatly appreciated....whether it is good or bad....just serious ones please!

Going on what you've stated, he obviously doesn't respect you. Thus:

If you're a playa, play him. It could be fun, if that's your thing.

If not, fuck him, in whatever sense you see fit, but just fuck him, nothing else. If you can't then move gracefully on.

be well,
d

Yeah, I know this article is many months old and I should put it behind me, but I don't feel like it, so either remove the article or fuck off.

Anyway, it seems like this is a lose-lose situation. If a guy doesn't call enough, he's supposedly a jerk or coward. BUT, if a guy calls more than necessary, he's considered insecure and pussy whipped.

The best thing for a guy to do is call a couple times a week. If she asks why he doesn't call her a lot, then call a little bit more, but not too much. The main thing though is that she has to let him know. They don't have to be 100% forward, saying "call me more," a subtle hint or an ego stroker like "I love hearing your voice over the phone" should do nicely. So women (and some men too), you want your significant other to call you more? LET THEM KNOW, don't be petty and beat around the bush.

By the way, onceagain, this link should help you too:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Good advise, Vash, very good.

I have been through this a thousand times. Waiting by the phone like an anxious puppy. It is the worst feeling in the world to be left in the dark about what is going on and why they do not call. It is so easy to obsess over every detail trying to psycho-analyze the situation to death and understand what I could have possibly done that he is not madly in love with me anymore. It truly is painful and hard. I know the answer is not to call and not to care. Better said than done. Short of throwing all of my telephones into a river, the temptation to pick up the phone and dial one more time is always there. There should be a support hot-line for women whose boyfriends don't call when they say they will or don't return phone calls at all. Our only survival is our friends, family and personal interests. Leaving the house and all of my phones behind has been my only answer many times. I go see a movie, take a drive, and tell my friends that absolutely under no circumstances am I to pick up any phone and use it. I have also learned that when I am in this manic state, that drinking alcohol only makes it worse. So, laying off the booze is helpful. Finding something new to obsess about other than why the phone is not ringing is helpful. I find that boredom leads to much of my downfall in having "dialitis". Good luck to you all. I hope that every man who does not take calling back a women as serious, develops serious pain in their penis.

WOW, i needed this tonight...so, i have known this guy for about 4 years and at first we were in love but then i went to college and we fell apart. Now i am home from college and he has a girlfriend, but i see him once a week and he told me that they are "on a break". What a joke, right!!! So anyway, he asks if i wanna go out and i end up meeting him and his boys at a bar. We have a great time and he is sooo touchy feely and i like totally fall in love all over again. He says at the end of the night that he definately wants to take me out on wed, or thurs, and i say Great and he says that he will call me....RIGHTTTTT...it is 1130 at night on thurs, and i am sitting by the phone, new outfit draped on the bed. Damn, this sucks. the phone just wont ring and i am soooo pissed!!! I wont call, that is for sure, but i am so depressed...like, i just want to hear his voice. that is why i am so glad that i stummbled onto this site. thanks ladies for your words of wisdom and dont give up!!!

Hi! Okay...I am fustrated. I'm glad I found this site. I met this guy recently and he is long distance. We are in the initial stages of dating. He did call and leave a message on Valentines. I called back and I was unable to reach him and left a message. He still has not returned my phone call. It's been almost 2-3 weeks since I talked to him. What's up with that? I like him, but he is driving me crazy by his phone call behavior. I'm not going to call him....................But I am worried if I don't, I don't want this long distance thing to fizzle out....But don't want to be pushy or seem desperate...

Problem 1) Long distance. Unless you are both going to be exchanging rings, or have a legally binding contract to keep in contact... best of luck to you.

Problem 2) "We are in the initial stages of dating. He did call and leave a message on Valentines." Enough said. Can't date if your date is (insert distance here)km/miles away.

Problem 3) "It's been almost 2-3 weeks since I talked to him. What's up with that? I like him, but he is driving me crazy by his phone call behavior." He's probably getting on with his life. Stop waiting by the phone and get on with yours.

Problem 4) "I'm not going to call him....................But I am worried if I don't, I don't want this long distance thing to fizzle out....
But don't want to be pushy or seem desperate..."

Nah, definately not desperate.
Long distance, like any relationship (whether it be man/gal, man/man, man/beast, beast/beast) works on the 50/50, or the "it takes two to tango." ideal.

If he ain't calling perhaps he's not as commited as you think he is?

when they look at you they have an urge to take a shower, why else would the guy you want wouldn't even want to talk on the phone?

Okay, women. I need some global perspective, here. This guy pursued me for a long time, and I put him off because our relationship would probably never work out due to a variety of differences between us, not to men the fact that he is 28 and I am 43. Apparently digs older women, and I must say he is quite hot by my standards. Anyhoo, it has been some time since I've gotten dissed and a long, long time since I had a "spontaneous" sexual episode on a non-date-ish encounter, but I did have sex with him and he never, ever called me. HOWEVER, and this is huge in my opinion, he came to the place he knew I would be the next week all happy like a puppy and proud of himself for making the effort. Of course, I let him know that I was upset and insulted that he had not called, and he ran scared off into the woods. I just do not understand why and how a guy can think that if you have sex, a telephone call the next day or so is be too personal, and also cannot understand guys that do not understand how important this damage control-maintenance stuff is to women. Does he not READ? I was totally creeped out after that and all hell broke loose. I mean, talk about feeling like a slut, which I am not. Now, he thinks I am crazy - not that it matters. I am not saying that we have to be glued to the phone lines just because we slept together, but for goddsake, be decent or don't show your face around for awhile.

Am I wrong?

Okay, so I find it amusing, all these girls online, moaning over guys...Ladies!!! What are you doing? If wants you he'll call. Be Patient. He does have a life, problems, and I'm sure you're not the only one who calls him, so instead of whining just go out and do something...for crying out loud...I mean I'm not trying to be a jerk, I know how crazy it can get when you REALLY like him but hello?!?! he's gotta REALLY like you for it to work, so next time he does call don't say "oohhh I've been waiting for your call" try saying....oh...hi (fill in the blank) You know what I'm on the other line with (some guy's name he doesn't know) can I call you back in a few? Let's just say he might call you a little more often. Guys love the chase and the competition and if there isn't any well...they lose interest...at least in the beginning. So ladies, smile and go on with your life and you'll find he'll jump right back in it when you least expect it. If this all seems too much for right now as it was for me, call a friend, or if a last resort...eat chocolate and drink tea...it fixes everything.

~Guys are like underwear...you can go without them, but it feels kinda funny...~Sam and Ash

Just because someone things about these things doesn't mean they don't have a life and don't go on with other areas of their lives. It doesn't mean they sit at home with phone in hand going crazy. But we all have those moments when we're not doing anything and our mind wanders(for example, those few minutes lying in bed before you fall asleep, taking a hot bath to relax, waiting for the bus with nothing to read, etc. THOSE are the times that we think about it. not when we're at school or work, not when we're immersed in hobbies, out with friends going dancing, throwing or attending parties, meeting new people, making new friends. you can still have full and complete life and still have those moments when your mind wanders to these things.

If you don't have those moments of free time where your mind wanders to strange places, well then it must be wonderful to be you.

for the rest of us, it's nice to know we are capable of feeling and caring so much. it reminds me that i'm still human...and that's humbling.

treat them mean keep them keen

ahh thankyou... im here till thursday

Men dont call women becuase they are always flirting and live in guilt which is the only reason they call? No. Men dont call women because they dont feel a sense of urgency to call. Its not a pressing issue to them. If I ever met a woman that I was interested in, I would call her. THe reason that most men dont return calls or call to begin with, is because they are either too childish and regard the lack of calling as some silly game, or they are just flat out not interested. More importantly, if a relationship has such immature issues as who calls and how many days pass before it is ok to call or be called, then that person isnt ready for a serious relationship at all. When your hungry you eat, when your tired you sleep, and when your interested in someone and you want to see how they are doing or what they are up to, you call them. Its not advanced algorithmic formula here, is just common sense. when you want to talk to someone, you will, if you cant be "assed" to talk to them, then you really dont care enough in the first place. Relationships are either on or off. you either want it or you dont...there is no half assing it...

Ok. Im a teenager and i have an absolutely beautiful boyfriend. We've been together for 3 months and i think that we're pretty serious. But its Monday night, and i havent spoken to him in 2 days! Hahaha, it seems so ridiculous that i get worked up over this... I just hate it when guys say they are going to call - and don't. Which is what he did. And this is the longest we haven't talked since we have been together.

Well I don't think i will ever understand why they say they'll call then don't. But if anyone does... DUDE just write it here already! The women of the world need you!
Cheers all!

Girlfriend, they don't call because they do not have the balls to end things to your face. If he doesn't call within the next day, I would just forget about him. The one thing I have learned about men is this, the more you act like you want them, the less interested they become. So through him some cold shoulder and see where that gets you.

Just because a guy doesn't call doesn't mean he's going to dump you. Tasha, why would you even say that to her? Even I'M not that mean.

I think the problem here is that you're thinking about it too much. And generalizing. Both are not good. So stop. Now.

Smitty-boy

Talking to these girls is useless. No need to waste server memory. You think anyone would listen to me if I bitched about how girls never called me when they say they would?

of course we'd listen! you guys just never say anything about it.

keep in mind i can only speak for myself b/c some girls will trash you. most wouldn't. but they would trash the rest of the male species....just not you personally

My new guy (last year) was hot for me until he domesticated me, then decided he'd punish me for something uncaring I'd said and stopped returning my (@4) calls completely. A week and a half later I'd had enough, and changed my cell #. Incredibly 7 mos. later he chased me down on the highway mouthing "pull over" and treasures my new # with his very existence, eagerly calling me each and every day now, and damn grateful for the privelege. Guys will do anything to get you back if it's you they really want, girlfriend. If he's a real guy, let him prove it.

Well i have the same problem, my boyfriend is going away and he wont go out anymore coz he's saving!! I mean, it doesnt hurt to go for a nice drive or something and he has not called me once since we've been in a relationship which has been 3 months! Maybe he's called 3 time though, but thats nothing compared to wot i do, i have to ring him up on a friday nite to organise wot to do on the weekend! And i haven't called him and he hasnt called me!! WHATS GOING ON!! All males are ASSHOLES!!!!!! GO GIRLS! WE RULE!!

It's okay with me now that some men (guys, boys, whatever) don't want to call. It's been my experience that they do EVENTUALLY call and then you get all excited like it's the first time and everything but then, guess what? it's all back to like before. Even if you try to be totally accommodating and respectful of their space and wishes in the end it doesn't really matter. What matters is yourself. If they want to play that way and we really want them then we have to learn to try to play that way too, even though it really isn't in our nature. It's like someone said in an earlier comment - we all have our own lives. Only women tend to analyze everything and think that something MUST be wrong. Men always say that they are very simple creatures but this simply isn't true. While they may not be as complex as women they are DEFINITELY complex in weird ways and getting more and more complex by the year. Try not to over-think stuff, ladies, and be yourself. I tend to agree with the going out and finding other stuff to do/getting on with your life outlook. Also it doesn't hurt to let them know that they ARE NOT the only guy in your life whether it be a good friend or a possible new “interest.” It's all about perspective and if you know what you want, what you're looking for and what you're looking at - you'll figure it out.
Is he worth it? What about the long run? Would you end up getting sick of him anyway? Is he worth all this time and effort and worry? What does he actually have to offer? Is he the ONE? If at the very least he isn't the ONE then try to relax and have fun with him when (and IF) you can get it :) And don't be discouraged by him not calling. Call someone else!! Or call a girlfriend! She’ll understand.

Ever stop to think that not calling is just bad manners? Even if he does eventually call, do you want to date a man who cannot keep even the simplest commitments he makes (i.e. call when he says). Having said that - I don't believe in games. Want to talk to him? Call. Just have your own life and don't obsess. Make your own plans, don't wait for him to come and make your life worth living...

I'm afraid that if I don't call him that he'll think I don't like him anymore and he'll assume that we're over and just never call me again. For the past two days my mom told me that i could go out and then right before I went out she decided that I didn't deserve to go out. I had to cancel plans with him two nights in a row and he usually calls me by now at least 3 times and I haven't had one phone call. He hasn't called to ask my to hang out and I'm wondering if he got over me already thinking that I don't like him. I don't want to seem desperate and call him but I don't want the relationship to be over becuase i'm afraid to call a guy...what should I do? Lastnite when i textmessaged him that I couldn't go out-> he never replied and he never signed on AIM all day and I missed his IM's to me lastnite adn by the time i read them he was signed off. WHy isnt' he calling?

i've been dating this guy for almost two weeks. and we talked alot the first week, then it died down a little where he wouldn't call me alot like he did before. so i've least called him 3 to 4 times a day depends, but i called one timehe wasn't there, then his mom called me back to tell me that he is sick. idon't know anymore he says he wants to stay with me and he won't mess things up. so i don't know what to do anymore. can somebody tell me what's going on ? i mean did i do something wrong? please tell me!!!!

I was dating a guy for1/2 months and it was really full on. We'd see each other 3 or 4 times a week, sometimes even twice in one day (meet for lunch, then he'd come over in the night). Before we met I'd been focussing mostly on my seriously ill mother who died 5 months ago, my 2 children and my degree course that finished 1 month ago. With all these things going on in my life, he bought me laughter, love and passion. However things started to change, when his ex told him that she will be moving 1,200 miles away taking his daughter with her. He was obviously devastated and became understandably depressesed. I gave him space and made it clear that I would be there for him in whatever way he wanted me. 3 weeks ago, we had spent a fantastic night together and he left in the morning,giving me a wonderful hug and a kiss. He sent me the odd text over the weekend. The monday after I sent him a text to see if he was ok and he said that he was feeling bad. So I suggested that he came over, so that I could take his mind off things, to which he replied that he was away in New York on business until Thursday (this was the first I'd heard of this). On the Wednesday I got a text asking what time he should come over, was sexy Kimmy still coming and who was bringing the beer? This text was not meant for me, nor was it signed with a kiss (he usually does), he doesn't know anyone in New York either. Firstly I sent question marks and waited for him to redeem himself but heard nothing, so anger had built up by now so I sent him a text saying that I hoped that he and sexy kimmy really hit it off and how could he be having such a great time when I was so worried about him. He did not respond. A few days later I had time to calm a bit and sent him a text asking for an explanation or closure, again nothing. Again I waited 3 days and sent a happy text, telling him about a few funny things, no response. I tried calling his cellphone (holding back my number) and was cut off. Eventually I sent him an email which asked him why there was no longer any communication between us, without blaming, without anger but with understanding and compassion. I sent it a week ago and still haven't heard a thing. At one point I was beginning to imagine that he'd completely cracked and was near to ending it all, but he was seen at a bar recently so at least I know that he's still around. I don't know his friends well, so don't feel it's appropriate to call them. If I knew why he stopped calling everything would be fine and I could just carry on. I do live a very full life and am not spending all day by the phone, but when it rings my heart still skips a beat. It is driving me crazy. Does anyone have an answer? I have exhausted my good friends with my what ifs.

The above should read 3 and 1/2 months

That's the worst. I'm so sorry that happened to you, I'm sure that nobody deserves to find out about a cheating guy like that.
At least you found out right away, though, right?? He could have drug it out for months and months more. Sounds like he's got a hell of a lot on his plate and can't keep even the women in his life straight. I can appreciate that you need closure but don't depend on him for it. The only way I see you getting it is with time. It’s a shame that people cheat so frequently these days (That includes women, Vash!). Used to be that dating was exclusive; not anymore. Used to be that marriage was sacred; not anymore. Now you can barely depend on people being honest in a “friendly” type relationship. How many others girls do you think he may be having fun with? Well, luckily you only have/had a short period of time invested. Maybe he intends you believe it was something you did by dismissing you so completely, but I doubt it—he’s embarrassed for getting caught. He’s let you go and kept the women who think he’s an angel. Maybe this is why they need to have more than one?? Because they make stupid mistakes like that. I have a feeling he will call eventually, probably after he isn’t embarrassed anymore for getting busted and/or after he thinks you are no longer upset. If it were me, I’d make sure he still understands that I am still upset. Make sure he knows what a dog he is. I would say there are a lot more fish in the sea, but I struggle to find the good ones myself. Hang in there and be strong!

You have given me some very good advice, but I've got a confession to make - arrghh I sent him a text to let him know how well I'd done on my college course!! How stupid am I?? Anyway as I was so used to not hearing from him, I went out for 2 hours and left my phone at home. When I returned he had sent a message, telling me congratulations and that he knew I could do it and at the end he also said, "I'm sorry for being such an asshole 2". As you can imagine, in my sorry state I'm reading between the lines (is is sorry and wants me? is he sorry and wants to make up?) so I respond with a message telling him how busy I am and have no time to tell all right now, silly idea when all I wanted was for him to tell me how much he missed me etc. I let 2 days go by (surprise surprise nothing from him) sent him a text asking him "Is the sexy ass still speaking to me?" He came back with "yes I am", well that night I was really on the ball and came up with a few very upbeat and sassy texts, he responded to all but the last one and each text he sent was so bland and without any emotion or mention of anything that had gone on between us. For the first time in weeks I actually turned my phone off and didn't turn it on until I needed to use it the next day. I haven't heard from him since and I will not be contacting him again. I think you are right, he did want me to believe that I had done something wrong, and I did believe it, I also thought that he was desperately unhappy about his daughter leaving, but I don't anymore. In fact I am so proud of myself for being nice to him throughout and have every reason to hold my head up high, it would have been so easy to have lost my cool and thrown a load of abuse. I am finding a certain ammount of pleasure in knowing that I did absolutely nothing wrong and that he must be feeling a complete idiot (his texts have prooved it). D'you know, I believe I'm getting over him, but you also know what this means don't you? The b'stard'll come back! Thanks again Sheri you are really wize!

I met Jerry in London. He goes home to the US every couple of weeks to see his grown up kids. His business is located in the US and he is also in the Army Special Reserves. He hardly ever calls or sends me emails when in the US, but when he is beack in England everything is fantastic. He even talked of marriage. I asked him if there are other women in his life and he always says no. The sex is amazing, but do you think he is just usuing me for sex as he is always busy so we only really see each other once a week. and also, do you guys think he has other women back home??? I feel really sad about him, but don't want to lose him either??? What do you think???

You guys! ;o) If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s to trust your instinct, your gut. Isn’t it almost always right?!! Of course it is. Melanie, if you THINK he’s using you then he probably is. And most certainly if you feel used then you should do what ever you need to do not to feel that way if it’s upsetting you. If you’re enjoying the sex too and it’s not messing with your head and you can live with no other expectations, then what’s the harm in that? If you’re hoping the intimacy will lead to something bigger or monogamous – well I hate to burst your bubble but that’s an “out there” prospect. My advice is if you enjoy his company then don’t put too much pressure on the relationship or him because you might end up damaging something you’re into. Guys like it when you go with the flow. But don’t, however, go with the flow if it’s devastating your ego or harmful in any other way. I believe guys can be very good friends – I have several, some with “benefits” :o) but I always try to keep it as simple as possible. Guys are simple creatures—remember that and we as women are better off to just join them. Imagine being headache free! When you have a good attitude good things will happen. Someone who I think is very cheesy and goofy but very kind once told me that if you build a beautiful garden people will want to visit it. He was speaking of our inner selves. Makes a good point, but as I said it’s definitely something only he would have said. I try to remember that when I’m acting all crazy about phone calls and emails.
I recently met a guy we’ll call Curt (because that’s his name ;o))) and I really like hanging out with him and getting to know him. We exchanged numbers a while back and he did call me; left a voice mail. I returned the voice mail but guess what?? that’s right, never heard from him again. So of course I’m left thinking, “what did I do.” I quickly got over that and when I saw him last night by accident he apologized and appeared to feel badly for not calling me and he gave me the excuse which I’m sure your familiar with – “I’ve just been busy.” We’ll see if he actually calls me. If he doesn’t then he’s out!!! :o) and I move on to the next victim! Think positive girls, don’t forget to have a “DISCARD pile” and stay strong and let us stick together! Sheri

He didn't call. Big surprise. I even saw him later and gave him a chance to redeem himself, because he stood me up when we had plans on a Saturday. But he just stood me up again the next time too. That's fine - he can go and be busy. At least he showed his jerkiness in the beginning! :o)
Can't take it personally - can't even be bitter.

"So keep your men on his toes. Blah blah blah..." ~Davinder

A wise man once said "keep a person standing up for too long and eventually he'll sit down no matter what the cost."

Maybe the rate at which he calls you does decrease as time goes on, but I bet the rate at which you say "no" to him increases as time goes on too. You're not so perfect either. The man still loves you, despite that he may not call you that much, so quit whining and get a life. And don't gimme that BS line "but my boyfriend is my life!" either. Besides, why should guys call when guys figure out the tens of times per day you'll call them? Forgive me for sounding like this, but try to quit calling umpteen times a day and spend that time learning how to cook or exercise or anything else productive. It doesn't have to be for him either.

Oh and to the female that thinks all men are cowards: shut the hell up. Only idiots judge a whole group of people based on the actions of a few. If I'm a coward just because I cut off all communication with a certain girl, then so be it, but at the end of each day, I am glad that I no longer have to suffer an attack of blue balls from that cock teaser. If men are cowards, then women are backstabbers. I'm sure some females could agree with me here.

As for the not calling thing. I am dating a new guy, who I had high hopes for. We just really hit it off and have so many of the same values and opinions, plus we have alot of fun together. Things had been going great, we were hanging out several times a week and he told me that things were going so well in his life and I was a big part of that. Then we hung out on Saturday and had an awesome time - I thought everything was peachy keen - and I called him on Sunday night (I was out, it was Labor Day weekend, and figured he was out somewhere, too). I just said, "wanted to say hi, give me a call when you get a chance". Now, it is Thursday and I still have not heard from him. I do think he'll call, and he'll say he was busy. Come on! It takes 5 minutes to call someone just to let them know that you are thinking about them and so that the other person does not get stressed out wondering what is going on. And it also makes me think, am I going to put up with this? No, I want someone who is going to treat me with the consideration and respect that I would give to them. Even if I have to look forever, I am not settling for anything less.

So maybe it was that I came on too strong. I mean having my sister-in-law approach him at a town fair with my tank top reading "Hello, I'm single" was just a bit too agressive for him. I just wish I knew why he didn't call. Can anyone give me any insite male or female please.

Thanks!

Guys dont call?

I'm so sick of thinking I did or said something after feeling 'dissed'. I met a guy I really liked recently at my school. He seemed really nervous about giving me his number and all. We had plans to meet in a few days, but after not hearing from him for a week, I am not counting on it!!! I left him a brief message a few days ago about plans this weekend (he is not from this town, so doesn't know all the parts of it). I don't think I said or did something. He is really opinionated, so I would've thought if I happened to say something, he would just mouth it back to me and start a debate! But I do not recall anything that was said. Who knows??? It's fustrating-I'm almost 30 and still dealing with this crap you know. It never ends. I am envious of my family & friends who are attached b/c games are never involved. I've been really busy, so it's not like I have been waiting by the phone-I learned not to do that long ago!! But it just irks me..you know. Is it b/c I have my own house, income, career, etc? It's unexplained phenomena....Why do I get all the bad luck with men???

They usually just call when the "urges" strike. Sometimes I'm ok with that but women have needs too and why should it be a one way street. Dating is very difficult these days without the added headache of being stood up by promised phone calls and ridiculous and rude behavior and lying. It didn't used to be like this, so I'm not exactly sure what's going on. I know everyone is very busy these days but it doesn't hurt to keep in touch. Sometimes if a guy doesn't call it means he either has a girlfriend/is married or has issues. Maybe it just comes down to the fact that these guys don't like us. I don't have a problem with that either, but they shouldn't lead women on just to sandbag. All the time I want to just give up. Instead I just try to focus completely on myself. It works for a little while but I get lonely if it has to go on too long. It's depressing but hey, I can take comfort in the fact that I don't treat other people that way. AND I don’t need to sandbag. Maybe good things come to those who wait. If you’re REEEEEEELLY patient. Doubtful, but maybe. Sorry I cannot be more positive today, I don’t hate men or anything, just wish it was easier to communicate with them.

Well he hasn't called me this WHOLE weekend,starting Friday..You know I think they're just like waiting to see if you're THAT crazy about them which we shouldn't really let them see that in some way we ARE nuts about them.When you show them how much you're crazy about them or how much you love them they kinda take advantage of that and think they can do whatever the heck they want and that you will in one way or another forgive them.Maybe it's just me I don't know but ladies if you let them think you're gonna jump from the highest cliff for them,you might as well really do it because it's not gonna help the relationship any better.I did that from the beginning and now he usually doesn't call me on weekends I mean I know he wants to hang out with his friends but the least he could do is dial my number to ask how I'm doing or something,at least once in a day.My problem is he doesn't call me and when I call him he don't answer.So what I'M going to do is take the advice and NOT call him for few days and i'm just gonna go out and have fun with friends and see if he's gonna be at least curious why i'm not calling and see if it works.You let them think they're god they gonna play one the whole time.

Aminime2004@aol.com

I was out with friends in the Spring and met a guy who I was attracted to. He told me he was very attracted to me also. We e-mailed each other once soon after and then he nver bothered to make contact again. Late summer, while I was on vacation, he left me two phone messages. Upon my return I contacted him. We went out several times and had an absolute blast every time. We have very similar interests and just so much in common its almost too weird. He waited to contact me because he is slowly coming out of a relationship of 8 months and still has one last trip planned next month with this girlfriend and a group of other friends. I am also in the midst of ending a long-term relationship. I say I am in the midst because I still occasionally talk to him, I guess as friends, but have not seen him for months.
My problem is that the new guy called me a least twice a week in the past. After going out last Friday and having sex, he called me Saturday afternoon to talk, I left him a message on Sunday and I haven't heard from him since. Does anyone have any input? I don't know what the problem could be. Should I call him or just wait it out - it's been a week and it's driving me crazy.

To Betty - He'll call you sooner or later (later). And guess what he's going to say?? "I've just been busy, that's all." You have to think about how you want to react to that. Do you want to get into this pattern of not hearing from him for days and days and days and only on his terms? Are you okay with that? Do you have plenty of other things and other guy friends to occupy your time? Is this THE GUY for you, the one you want to be more serious with? It sounds stoopid and over-thinking, but you need to be pretty damn selfish when it comes to this crap. You know what I mean? Put yourself first and the rest won't bother you as much.
It's such a drag that this always happens with the ones we really like - the super-cute ones that have lots of other great qualities (except for not calling) - you know, the ones we cannot get out of our heads! But you can't over-look the lame fact that they don't want to spend very much time with us. Good luck! Good luck to all of us. . . .

To Betty: Just ignore him and don't call him,see if he will call you and when he does if he asks why haven't you called him or anything don't hold back your feelings let him know why.If he has a problem with you telling him that then he really isn't 'the guy' for you.Just go out with friends and have fun or something keep your self busy and keep him out of your mind it'll work.I had the same problem,but not only would my guy not call me he wouldn't even answer his phone so once i just gave up and said the heck with him and went out with my friends all the time and had a blast and finally he calls me one night and asks why havent i called and why am I pissed off at him and i just told him the truth,and it worked i mean he doesn't come see me EVERY day but at we talk on the phone at least once a day,and every now and then he might not call i just do the same thing and he gets really curious.Girls some guys think they're so cute and witty that you will do anything for them and never will get mad at 'em but beat them at their own game and let them know they aint all that! :-P

im so glad i saw this forum...
my boyfriend went away for the weekend. we've been together almost 4 years now.. he said he would txt me or call me often. he hasnt called me since 2 mornings ago. today i flipped out and started calling him. I called so many times and he isnt picking up the phone. I am freaking out because what if im mad, but he actually got killed or something. Or what if hes with another girl? all these what-ifs going through my head right now... i feel like im going to go crazy if he doesnt call me in the next 5 minutes. I am trying so hard not to call his parents and tell them whats up! its so late! AHHHHHHHHHh

Honestly. if he's doing this to me just for the hell of it... i am going to dump him!!!!!!!!! I am so worried and furious at the same time!

WAHH... i couldnt help but try again..
now his phone is off!!!!!!!!! :O( why is he doing this to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Here I am over 40 and single again - the first time in a long time. I met this fabulous man (or so I thought). Yes, I am guilty of calling 8 times a day, leaving voice mails. He says he will call me later. I say, I won't hold my breath. Finally yesterday, I left him a message saying I am not going to call you anymore. The ball is in your court. I feel like a stalker and I am pushing too hard. It's hard not to call. I finally turned my cell phone off yesterday and have had the best sleep in about 3 weeks, because I don't have to worry about the F***KING phone! All I can think right now is, thank God I haven't slept w/him yet. I would HAVE TO cut my arms off then! It's hard enough not to call him as the emotional bond has been established. So I am going on w/my life. Screw it. I am going out w/my girlfriends today, and I may join an Outdoor activity club. I have gave up "myself" for me before -- It's not worth losing that part of "self". Yes, the phone is still "off". He'll call, but I am proceeding w/my life. I can only hope it will include him eventually.

i got a text message at noon today saying "hmm where u trying to get a hold of me? i hope you are doing ok, u made me worry. ill call you before midnight"

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

*breaks cellphone*

You can't honestly tell me that we don't have an epidemic here! This is nuts. For christ’s sake! What is the matter with people. I had another encounter with the same old guy again. Haven’t seen him in weeks, but he’s emailed me a couple of times. I should say, replied, when I dropped him a “hi.” Then he comes into my offices and asks when were going out to dinner, like it’s some sort of rush now. After all this time. I told him we would go when ever he could get the balls to call me and make the plans. He just stood there. It was like I was speaking Chinese or something. I honestly think he thought I was joking. He said he’d call me Sunday. GUESS WHAT??!!! Do you think I waited around for this jerk to call me Sunday? Hell no. I went out with other people. Then when I saw him today, he had some lame excuse. AS USUAL. Whatever. I actually had forgotten that he was going to call in the first place, that’s why I made other plans. He has cried wolf sooooooo many times that I can never believe him again. At least I’m getting better at telling him he has no balls.
So – Flex—let us know if your guy calls. “Before midnight” can’t really get any vaguer, can it.

You know i have never imagined how cruel a guy can be,but I found out the hard way.See,about 2 weeks ago i was pissed off at my boyfriend because i called him for 2 days and he hasn't answered or called me back and the 3rd day he said he was sleeping but i highly doubt it.I kinda told him off but we got over that and then one night we talked on the phone and i asked him to come over and he said he couldn't and i got mad (maybe i shouldn't have) but it was killing me not seeing him for few days.The next day i try to call him and he didnt answer or call back,and here it is 2 weeks later and he still isn't answering or calling me back....but i heard from people that he's telling them he still sees me and calls me like everyday (and i defenitly know it's a big lie) what should I do? I really need help,he doesn't wanna talk to me anymore and i dont have a car to really sit down and go look for him or something.I didn't do anything and he just turned his head away I know most ofyou gonna say 'let go of him' but Im trying and it gets harder everyday because i love him very badly and I hurt very much.Anyone got anything to help me?

Also written by Davinder Sangha

i dont no what to do he hasnt anwserd his phone all day ive spoke to him 1s in the morning he said he was busy i havnt seen him in three days.its hurting me so bad my heart feels like its breaking.what do i need 2 do i havnt done nothing wrong.im in love with him and i dont understand.its been 3 days since ive seen him.im goin mad i need help i cant stop foning him.i need to c him y am i so weak

Sad One...I feel your pain but please know "This too shall pass" Don't call him again and he WILL call you. I know it will be hard but you deserve better. Keep your head UP pray over it and concentrate on doing you and occupying your time/mind on other things. You never know what the future may hold...if the relationship is meant to be he will call you and give you the respect you deserve. Sometimes we just have to let it go as a lesson learned and wait for God to bless us with a man of integrity, they do still exist. Good Luck!!

mid-thirties... he didnt call by midnight. should we be surprised??? u are so right about the vague stuff.. its really getting on my nerves. i am so fed up. the more he is doing this to me, the more i want to tell him to get lost. sure i love him and all... but i hate feeling out of control, and thats what he made me do that weekend. He claimed that he only had one missed call and no text messages. he even swore on his mother's life about it. *makes a face* should we ever believe what comes out of a mans mouth, no matter how sincere he tries to make it sound?

i have heard the SAME story with my girlfriends about the guy who says "WE HAVE TO MEET UP, ILL CALL YOU" and he does NOTHING about it!!! we have to take charge and show them that we are not going to wait! im so proud that you didnt wait for his ass and went out with your friends! DONT EVER give him a chance!!!!

Faith is right... this too shall pass... i will remember that because i often forget this when i am upset.

sam... i went through the same thing. in the end he will act like nothing happened... dont let him get away with this. kick his a$$. u deserve better! WE ALL DESERVE BETTER! lets choose our weapons girls... we're going to war!

oh and about the broken cellphone... i got another one. and no i am not going to break this one because i took a pic of myself on it (camera phone). so if i decide to throw it, ill see myself on it... and i wont want to throw that away will i? ;o)

You know I ask myself this question over and over again.

I will never understand men, I've known this guy for three months now, and in that time we have become very close.I really like him, and he seems to like me too.

He just all of a sudden stopped calling me,so its been exactly one month now that I havent spoken to him, I guess I'm just too scared to call, I dont wanna seem too desperate.
I really dont know what to do, I feel as if I'm left all in the dark.

God, I wish I knew what's going on with him....

I've been single for soooo long, dated a few guys but nothing major, then about a month ago i bumped into an old flatmate of my exboyf. in a club and we ended up having a great night, chatting and laughing. I went home a bit early but couldn't get him off my mind. Then I hear he fancies me through another friend. Lo and behold my friend rings me one night when I was out and tells me he is asking for permission to call me to hook up. So I was over the moon and we met up about an hour later. I had such a great time, we laughed and kissed and walked along hands held etc etc. Then we went to his flat and (I know I know) but I slept with him. He seemed so honest, he said he really likes me and has done for years. He said he used look at me with my ex and think I was with the wrong guy. I'm 28, I thought I was old enough to tell a line from the truth but well guess what....HE HASN'T CALLED. Its THursday and this was on Friday last week...Am I expecting too much, do you think its early still? Help me girls and any boys that have insight...

Don't lay in bed day after day worrying about if he's going to call. Do you think he's doing the same thing. Next time you go on a date with a guy, get his number, don't give yours and let him wonder for a week if you're going to call. When you do call and he has trouble remembering who you are hang up, he's obviously not that important if he doesn't think that you are.

Sure, be like the jerk who wouldn't return your calls in a previous relationship! All men, even the not so bad ones, should feel your pain anyway.

So I went on a date last Thursday and we had a really good time. Well I had a really good time but it also seemed like he did too. At the end of the night he was already making future plans about seeing a movie together. I didn't even bring that up and he did the work. So before he left he said that he would call the next night. Of course. That didn't happen. So I called Saturday to find out if he was able to make it to something that night that I asked if he could attend during our date. He said that he couldn't make it and that we'd find something else to do. Then he asked if it was alright to talk to me later and I said sure. So that was Saturday and I haven't heard from him since. I called today to leave a nice casual message and we'll see what happens...but I doubt anything will...sigh...it's so frustrating

This guy Mr X I was set up with by my friends ex cousin in september was calling me and texting me everyday. We saw each other a few times and he really showed intersted in me. He always got upset if he didnt hear from me. Suddenly in mid nov the weekend after I he came over to chill he stop calling and texting me. We spoke once and he said he was busy with finals .I understood the fact that he had fianls to get ready for. I havent heard from him since nove 18 and we are now in December. If he felt that he didnt have time for a relationship he couldve been man about it. I really started to like him and all of a sudden he played m i a on me. I did not see this coming at all he didnt show me any signs that wasnt liking me anymore.My question is did he lose interst or is he really that busy for m e now .Me and him were not an item yet we were just dating which couldve lead to a seruos realtionship. I wish I didnt like him maybbe it wouldnt bother me that much.

I really need everyones input on this so my mine can be at ease. thanks

Flex, you crack me up. If we're going to war (which I LOVE by the way) then my weapon has to be one of those old brick cell phones. It will really hurt when you get hit in the head with one. Maybe THAT will be a reminder to call somebody once in a while!
I can't believe how long this article has been hanging on. All we want is a little consideration, right? I'm so sorry that so many women are having the same problem. I really don't know what to say anymore. I'd like to say that things can't get any worse, but I'm afraid they can. Sometimes I think the best thing to do is act nonchalant, and be as if it doesn't bother me that they don't call so they don't get freaked out and think I'm some sort-of psycho. But then it's almost like it just gives them free reign to keep doing it over and over and over! "Oh, she doesn't care if I don't call or don't show up - she's cool." Well, guess what??? I'm NOT cool with it. It's not cool to not call or keep your girl waiting. That's just games. You know, my friend told me recently that when men act stoopid like this they either have a girlfriend, are married or have lots of issues. Hm, such choices - I can't decide!! I have deleted both losers from my cell phone. And I don't have their numbers written down anywhere so I can't even be tempted to call. And guess what. Guess what's going to happen when they call me? Not going to answer. Not going to return the call. They hate it when you do that. All of a sudden the shoe's on the other foot, but they DO NOT handle it nearly as well as women do. It just really sucks. I hope like Faith says, there ARE men of integrity out there.

"we're going to war!" -Flex

And as always, the true victims of war are the innocent bystanders and civilians, which in this case, are men who never get any attention paid to them because they're "too nice" or some dumb shit like that. Those are the ones who have to deal with whining women when their fuck buddies don't call them.

hey by my name you can tell I am rather contrary.
For the longest part of my life I figured it was their problem..hell i'll call them. What's the big deal? Apparently its huge. I guess I've chased off several dozen guys by calling them in my life. But it is the hardest damn thing to NOT do. I keep asking my self why is it so hard to do NOTHING??? I've waited for this guy, really got along well, he called me several times, we had three dates in one week...really swept me off my feet. But this week, no calls. did he get scared? I called last week (he told me to call him!) and told him I was free this friday...he said he'd get back to me. No call. So I am doing the dance, should I call? Should I wait? I've been able to avoid calling him for 5 days. It has been heart ache, pissed off, worry, making excuses, thinking up every possible scenario that could happen when he calls. Jeez, I'm obsessed with whether to pick up that stupid cellphone. Checking call history every few hours to see if I missed it! What am I doing???? The comments here made me laugh. It was so good to see that I am not alone. I still don't get why doing nothing is possibly the most difficult thing I have ever had to not do!!!

Once again, Vash, you talk shit about something you have no clue about. If you did have a clue, you'd recognize they aren't talking about 'fuck buddies' as you so eloquently put it. Typical. You are an idiot. Thoughtless and dense. Oh, and if by “nice” you mean ugly, then yes, you’re probably nice too.

Yeah, she wants me.

Well three days ago was Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve together, at a party I hosted, with my friends and family. He had a great time. He came over for a modest Christmas dinner. He and my 9 year old son went bike riding as I followed on foot. We made love after I dropped my son off at his fathers. It was a wonderful Christmas. That was three days ago and I haven't heard a word from him. What's going on? Why doesn't he call?

I know exactly what you all mean! its early on in my relationship and at the very beginning he called and text all the time- now its the holidays and he is visiting his friends he doesnt call or text and i know i have major paranoia setting in but think he cant want to be with me if he doesnt call. But when i see him hes really happy to see him. i am managing to hold back the urge to call him however if he is online i cant stop but talking to him! then i feel bad as i think now he wont need to call to find out if im still ok and like him! cant help but give in! right no i wont do that until he next contacts me! call it a new years resolution! despite the fact it is really hard!

What a great forum. I have enjoyed reading everyone's posts! Okay, so here is my situation- I need advice.

So I have known this guy for 10 years. We are really good friends. I know all about him, and vice versa. I know he is 24 and has only had 3 girlfriends, all longer term ones, and only one serious out of high school. (We went to HS together.)So anyways-he lives in Northern CA, and I live in Southern CA. (I am from NorCal) We have pretty much the same group of friends as well. Since we are pretty good friends, and we have had a million of conversations-I know he isn't a cheater, and isn't into one-night stands or treating women poorly. So....here is goes:

He came to visit me in October for fun, to hang out, stay with me, and visit some of our other mutual friends in the area. We had a great time, and I never ever would have expected it, but he came out and told me that he has had a crush on me for years, that he's always been attracted to me, etc. (And he was not drunk and hasn't been drunk any time we have hung out in the rest of my story below!) I was blown away, and never would have guessed. But, I, too had always had a little something for him-so I enjoyed everything he confessed. The night before he left we slept together-and it was amazing.

Throughout the rest of October, and into part of November he would call maybe twice a week, or send me txt messages. For Thanksgiving, I went to NorCal and he took me on a date, and we slept together again. Again, very good times.

I had told him I was coming home for Christmas, and I forgot to mention that by this point he has spoken about moving to SoCal twice in April when he is done with a job he is doing in Nor Cal. So for December, he barely calls, and sometimes text messages. When it gets closer to when I am traveling down there I leave him a message that basically said the only time I could hang out was a certain day due to family stuff, so if he wanted to hang out to let me know asap, because I was also supposed to go to a party.

Well, he never called and he knew I was coming so I went to the party. Sure enough, once I was there, he then called and apologized that he was really busy, etc, and asked where I was. I said I was at the party (which was far from him) and that I wouldn't be coming home because I was staying with a friend near the party. Anyway-he was real cute and said he would come pick me up when I was done, and take me home if I wanted. Soooo...he did. He came and got me out of his way and we went home, and yes, slept together again-and it was good.

Christmas night I threw a post spa party for all my friends, and I called him a few times and invited him. He never called back, or even called to say merry xmas. Our mutual male friends (who some know about us, some don't) were hangin out in the spa and they were talking about him, saying they had been caling him all week and he never called them back, and etc...Basically as long as we have all known him, he is sort of a notorious flake, and we all love him so much, we let him get away with it. So not only is he not calling his buddies back, he's not calling me either.

So-December 18th was the last time I saw him(when we slept together) and since then I have received 2 text messages that were really lame, and mainly just responses to my txts. I have txtd a few times a week, and maybe left one or two voicemail messages per week since then too. No return calls have been made.

Last night of course was New Years Eve (he was in NorCal working at a ski resort) and me in SoCal at a party. I txtd him happy new year, and also left a nice voicemail message wishing him a great 2005. His cellphone went straight to voicemail. Now it's 10:30pm New Years day, and still no New Years call from him, let alone return past calls.

I am really bummed and disappointed and I am not sure what we are. I know it is long distance and Im not even asking to be his girlfriend right now-but he has mentioned moving here twice?! And I just want him to call me...

Please let me know what you all think. I am sorry this is real long, but I wanted you to know all the details.

What should I do? Nothing? But I really thought this was "something..." Please advise.

Whatever you do don't call him anymore.....I know its hard because I have a friend with benefits and everytime we sleep together I wait for a call.....but I absolutly never call...if he is into you at all he will call but move on and do things you enjoy and believe it or not a day will pass and then a week and useally he will cal by then...if he is at all interested...hope that helps....Its the New Year try something new to keep your mind off him....Its hard because they pop in there when you least expect it but do something other than wait.

Angela is right. Don't call.
It is hard, especially after you've had a glass of wine or two. My New Year's resolution was to delete email addresses and phone numbers, so that I wouldn't be able to call those types of guys. It was quite empowering. I didn’t do it to be a bitch—I did it so I wouldn’t be ABLE to call. Who wants to feel like a stalker?!?! They’ll call if they want to, and they eventually will. Until then, like Angela said, I’m not going to sit around and wait. Life’s too short and there’s waaay too much fun to be had out there!! To bad all of us can’t get together and go out one night!! :o)

Thank you two for the support! I have been really good and haven't called or sent and txt messages. He hasn't called yet either...Anyways, thanks for the replies back! And yeah, that would be fun if we had a Ladies Night Out!!! Thanks again...

I went on a couple of VERY casual dates with a guy and he immediately started calling me every day and texting me everyday as well. It drove me crazy!!! I couldn't take it. I began to not answer when I saw it was him. I felt kind of bad about it since I, like all of you ladies, have had guys not call me back, but i gained a whole new understanding. Now this new guy I'm seeing doesn't always call back and doesn't answer every time I call, but I don't sweat it. I don't call every day either. Sometimes after a couple days I might send a little text so he knows I'm out there. Let me tell you ladies-IT WORKS!!!!!! He calls me more than any other guy I've dated. Stick to your guns!

I've been there too. And actually it IS annoying to have someone constantly bugging you. However, I have to wonder how I would feel if it was a guy I was really into. I might not feel like I was being driven crazy if I was crazy about him! The times that has happened to me was when (unfortunately) I wasn’t that onto him. Still, I can definitely see where a person needs their space! I need my space too. As long as I realize that it’s just dating or friends or casual sex, then I know I can manage it. If a serious partner started acting lousy, not calling or something, then I’d begin to worry. Just remember, ladies - - Less IS More!

I met this guy on the road about 6 years ago and we dated for a couple of months. He called all the time every day many times a day. He lied about where he had lived and just told me recently. He flat out broke up with me one day saying it wasn't me, it was him that he was not ready for a relationship. He was separated at that time. Okay, I was devastated because it hurt. After a few months, we started talking as friends. I accepted that because I could have nothing else. In the meantime, I have dated many men but nobody was like him. I just broke up with my boyfriend who I was with for about 5 years because I was unhappy. This guy called me the day before Thanksgiving asking me if I loved him and I said yes because I did. He began persuing me before I was out of my bad relationship and called all the time. He said he loved me and that he didn't see any reason why if he went out with me again why the relationship wouldn't work. It gave me hope to be happy. I broke down and met him again one day about 3 weeks ago. He met me again after a party I had and it was wonderful. I was still in my relationship and I was leaving my relationship in a week or so and I would be free too. He asked me out on a date for dinner. He never called that day and I was a mess. I flipped out. He called the next day and said he was sick. I apologized for being upset and flipping out. He asked me out to dinner again the day after New Years Day and again, he never called me. I flipped out again due to him not calling and left a zillion text messages. He stood me up and thought nothing of it. Well, he called me the next day at work and said he has a lot on his plate that he isn't avoiding me.

I'm confused. I'm not understanding. I have to NOT call anymore. I'm hurt. I need to keep busy. He's probably not worth my time.

The funny thing is that when I tried to end our friendship of 6 years he was devastated and couldn't believe that I would do that. He was upset or he seemed to be -- perhaps it was an act. It sounded real.

Yoiu basically said it yourself. He is NOT NOT NOT, and may I emphasize, NOT worth your time- or energy. It takes so much more energy to worry than to be happy. He is obviously playing games and is probably telling at least two other girls the same stories. PLEASE remove him from your phone and block his calls. You will SO much better off!

OOOOO I'm so annoyed too. it's the same story as everyone else, lovely guy was always ringing me, texting me telling me how lovely I am, and now nothing. If a man doesn't want you why can't he just say. And why wait until after they've slept with you. I've tried to call and text but received no repleis. His phone number is now removed from my phone and I won't ring him ever. but boy am I upset about it

Okay, after a couple of days of no phone calls. I broke down and text messaged. I couldn't help myself. He called the next afternoon at work and said "I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you and he went on about what he was doing for the day and that he'd call me when he was done!" I said, Okay, good luck and hung up.

What to think about that phone call? Was it sincere, or just another excuse to keep me hanging on? Cannot tell.

OMG! This is outrageous. Completely unacceptable! Men say that they do not like playing games but it’s exactly what they do. How can so many men be soooo busy and sooo sick that they have to treat women with so much disrespect? There’s no easy answer to any of this because we simply cannot comprehend it. Men are the biggest players. I’m so tired of having ill feelings towards them. It’s depressing and futile. The good advice is to delete the bad ones from your phone and make sure you don’t have their numbers and email addresses written down anywhere and forget about them. I’m tired of being receptive to them when they’re never receptive to me. It’s stupid. My friend assures me that there are “good” ones out there, but I have to say – I disagree. Or at least, I’m going to try not to worry myself with it anymore. I’m so sorry to all of you who share in these comments. Just delete, delete, delete and move on. Hopefully I'll have a good story to share sooner or later!

oh dear, i e-mailed him today. I just said if he doesn't think it would work then fair enough but he should at least tell me. I wish i hadn't have e-mailed him , now he knows i'm upset about it all......oh no, why did i go and do that.

To all women out there. There is this great book called "He's just not that into you!" by Greg Behrendit and Liz Tuccillo. I'm reading it and it's absolutely excellent. It talks about all the excuses men give and what to do about it. I find it to be actually what I'm going through and what I've been through. READ IT!

I'm all for reading that book, and having some fun with it, and even learning to get over yourself a little bit. However, it doesn't solve the problem and not everything can just be explained away quite so easily, unless you were to say that all men are so fucked up that they can’t even tell you to your face that they, "just aren't that into you." If it happened every once in a while, yes – I’d agree. But if you look at the sheer number of women not only on this page but in your actual life, it happens way too often to just dismiss so simply. Unfortunately. It’s so cowardly not to just say how you feel! ESPECIALLY if you pretend that you ARE into someone, like these men have done! What complete invertebrates!!!

Get a load of this Sh--t! The guy I just started to date
but didn't have sex with yet won't call me anymore. When he did before he waited long and hard but he did call. Now he says he is afraid of getting busted for cheating on his live in girlfriend,whom he claims he has no - committment with. This is so freakin' weird too. This guy isn't that good looking but he made up with it by taking "no" for an answer on the first date and letting me share my feelings with him.He's been caught cheating on his wife when he was married,maybe thats why he's so messed up,but hey',what the H-ll does that have to do with me? I was enjoying our secret talks on the phone. Oh' well,I'm better off with out this baggage. Thats a load off!!! Who needs a cry baby? He's so afraid to get caught that he has to act like a big fat puss!!! Why stay with that girl then? Why doesn't he let her go? That is one weany I don't need around me!!!!

Men are cowards! I seem to be constantly falling into the trap that they love me and really aren't. I think the book I mentioned is helpful to me. It may not be what happens all the time but at least it gave me some examples that men actually did say to me. It least I have something to go on rather than feeling sorry for myself.

yes men are bloody cowards. i got the reason he hasn't called...he bloody e-mailed it to me, andafter i asked him to call not bloody e-mail a reply. i mean how cowardly can you get! he says he just feels i wanted more than him. I mean he could've said that to me weekds ago before he put me through all this will he won't he call crap!!!!!

I'm with you KS1teach. The man I was called every day for like a month or more and suddenly just decided one day not to call me. He stood me up 2x. First time he claimed he was sick. Second time, no phone call and not even a sorry phone call saying if something happened. He's called one time last week saying that he hasn't forgotten me and another call to thank me for a card I sent him for his bday. The voice sounded fake and it said if I wanted to call him I could. I have not called yet since Monday. The sick part is that I sort of want to.

Okay so after coming across this today and reading the comments I realized I am far from alone. Been with this guy for 3 months in the beginning he was wonderful, we were set up through people we are both really close to. Last week I did the not calling thing and it worked he called me set up dates etc, Sunday he comes over and things are great, all lovey dovey. Asks if he can see me on Monday. I say sure. I know big mistake... anyway, no call or show on Monday. I left 2 messages monday night basically saying wtf is going on here. I have not heard from him since. Now why would he blow smoke up my rear and ask me to please spend time with him and than do this?! I tell you. So its now been 4 days and I have not called him back. Hanging on by a thread here because not so much in the "oh I cannot live without him" thing I just want to know what is going on. This happened a few weeks ago too although he did it twice in the same week ( you think I wouldve learned) anyway I asked him a few days after when he finally called why he hadnt called and he came at with the whole phone works both ways. I dont know I honestly think hes just too lazy to be bothered. He sleeps all the time. So is it bad of me to call him tonight to see what is going on? By the way in case this helps I have not been one of the obsessive callers with him and I dont complain if he goes out with his friends or anything so he really has no reason to be annoyed. And a huge plus for me we didnt sleep together yet.

I'm so tired of the game men play. Why do they ask you to go out and then not call you when they are supposed to. Then I call and they don't answer. They call when they feel like it and sometimes either apologize and sometimes don't acknowledge that they were supposed to call. I've been hurt and I'm upset about this guy not calling me. The last time I left a text message was last week sometime and I've received two phone calls and none since Monday. He says there is a lot of "__it" he's going through and he's sure I am too. The only thing I'm dealing with is what I'm left with --- the horrible feeling I feel inside. In his last phone call, he said I could call him if I want to. I mean, what is that about? Yeah and if I call, what would be the reason???

Well I wouldnt think of a reason unless this one is important to you. If he is going through legit hard stuff than its up to you if you want to work through it with him. Do you really want a man though that pushes you away when he's upset? Mine does this but I like a challenge...most of the time.

I just found out that mine has been weird with everyone including his family for the past week and a half so its not just me. I will bite the bullet and call him this once after I make sure he's okay he needs to make some changes because I am worth more than this.

It doesn't seem to me that the man I'm interested in wants to talk to me regarding his hard times. It's funny --- all while I was in my relationship before he called me all the time talking about his problems and stuff and now that I'm out of my relationship, he wants nothing to do with me.

So, I do not know what to do. Call or not call? I have done nothing so far. I'm standing still.

I dont blame you for that. Tonight I am going out with the girls. Tomorrow night I am going to be busy with my son at the movies, and Sunday I have church than the gym and dinner with my friend. So I am not going to be available, between that and me saying okay whats up with you and playing the supportive role-for now. Hopefully he'll snap out of it.

I strongly suggest you occupy yourself as well. Not that you arent, just that it makes the time go by faster and you might meet a great guy while you're out;)

Here is a few reasons I havent called in the past:

1. Sudden clingy transformation in woman feels like quicksand
2. I discover I really was only attracted to the novelty/concept of her and not her 3. Something very integral to her that I discover is totally repulsive to me 4. The image I had of her and the reality of her were miles apart 5. I realize that I only like her company in very small doses which have been exceeded 6. I needed time apart from her which caused her to think we were growing apart thus she rushed to fill more of my time which caused me to desperately need time away [repeat like feedback loop until] Eventually I simply thought "WTF?!" and get all my time away. 7. I forgot her number and she never called back 8. She had another personality not displayed during friend/courtship that is not the one I was friends with or courting.

There are more, but I hope that this will suffice for the moment. Helps any?

Haha not really but thank you :) At least for me it didnt. I am not the clingy type at all, I have my own life which I live he simply adds to it. I have done the clingy thing in the past and what does it get you? Not a thing. You are left with no friends or anything because you base your life around this other person, when they're gone there's not much left except you feeling like a fool.

The issue I have is him doing the begging to hang out and than him not calling. That's what really fries me because I dont like games and thats exactly what it is. I did actually talk to my guy lastnight and got stuff out and now I think its going to be better...I say this rather lightly. As I told him if he wants to see me he needs to act like it one more screw up I am done. So we'll see not holding my breath but he might surprise me who knows.

Okay, It's been an entire week since he called me last week and I haven't received another call. I'm feeling like calling but my reason would be? I have been trying to keep busy but he's still on my mind no matter what I do or where I go. Any free time I have, I'm left thinking about him and wondering, why isn't he calling??? Is he waiting for me to make the next move? Don't know and wondering if he's interested or not. I sometimes feel that if I don't make the first move, he never will. He might think that I'm not calling because I'm not interested. I guess I will just wait in agony. Any suggestions?

Don't wonder- that does nothinng but propagate cycles of thought that will eat at you- if you are unclear on how he feels then ask him point blank. If he doesnt call and that bothers you let him know, if he doesnt change (or offer a satisfactory explanation) then yall arent right for eachother.

Wondering what he is thinking is futile.
<3 REVSCRJ

Thank you for that information. I just wanted to let you know it helps. I'll try it and let you know what happens.

I am sorry that you still have yet to hear from him. You have two options, be up front as was already suggested or move on. I hope whichever you chose works out in the best way for you.

It's a tough call really because I've tried up front before spilling out what I expect and still no response. He just left it a week ago saying that if I want to call, call him later. That he needed to get his head together and he was sure I did too. I haven't called and well, I'm not so sure I should bother. I want to. I want to see if he's interested. I'm not sure what to do. Half of me is moving on and the other half is waiting to see if he calls.

Okay, I called him. I honestly expected to get his voicemail but I got him instead. I was nervous --- and of course I didn't know what to say. I have this snotty attitute or pissed off voice and I don't mean to have that but it just comes out that way. He acted like he didn't do anything wrong. He asked how I was, and stuff but he was telling me all about how he went back to the karate school and lost weight and so forth. Then he had another call and had to go and he'd call me later. So now I know what he's been up to but no excuse not to call me. Don't know. I probably should not have called. I never did get to ask any questions. So I am still where I left off, but gave in and called.

OK. So you pull/kiss/hookup with a guy at a party then you spend the whole entire night with him talking, drinking, watching TV, pulling some more etc. He asks for your number first so you give it to him. Tell him to text you. He says he dosen't have any credit on his phone. Never hear from him again.OK so basically this is my situation. Sure I was quite drunk and maybe a bit on the clingy side but he still asked for my number first and its not like he was running away! Its been 3 days since I was with him and its almost like I just know he won't text me. This has happened to me before so maybe thats why. But this felt really different he said the sweetest things to me! Basically I REALLY like him but don't wan't to text him because I'm scared of rejection and also I don't want to come across even more clingy than I was on the night. Its only been a few days though so maybe he's waiting to get some money to put on his phone? But then if he really did like me wouldn't he find a way? Or maybe he doesn't want to seem too eager. I NEED HELP! Its majorly stressing me out and totally gets my confidence down because he said he really liked me etc liked being with me etc and then...NOTHING!
Please help me out! Love anon

It takes more than one night of sweetness to make for a good person. Hell, anyone can fake that for a night trying to play someone. Most people suck, bear this in mind. Likely if after a single night and # exchange he doesnt call you, he either already got what he wanted, is getting what he wants elsewhere or discovered you didnt have what he wanted. Still, if it is something you feel strongly about, find him or call him yourself. Would you rather be afraid of the possibilities or regret the outcome? Those are the 2 worst cases and personally I'd rather live in regret than fear any day.
<3 Rev "Who the fuck made you DearAbby" Scrj

I called him again and wanted to know what the deal was as to why he just stopped calling me. He said I stopped calling him. I said,,noooooooooooooo!! Not the case. Anyway, regardless, he said that he was not okay and I said I was sure he was fine. He said he had some things within himself he needed to work out. I said, does he want to still talk to me? He said Yes, and he had to go then because he was opening up the place and had to teach a class and so forth - that he'd call me later and that he didn't forget about me. Now, is he still interested or not? He didn't call me later. It's later. No call.
I did receive another call from another guy I've never met and he wants to get to know me and perhaps go on a date. Should I wait for the one I like now or pursue a new one?

Pursue the new one! Never waste time on these boys that don't call when they say they will. The casual reality is that they are never gonna change. And if it's already not working, it's not gonna work later either. Go hit the social scene keep looking for a nice, honest MAN. Let me know when you find one...and if he has a brother send him my way!

i'm doing my own head in too - we met, went out three times, and did more than just go out the last two dates, you know what i mean.. and he said, i'll call you, and its been 5 days - i txted and have had nothing back. now i feel ridiculous for obsessing - wondering if he's lost his phone or died - or that he might have more of a life than me - or just isn't going to call at all. He was my first datee since the heartbreak of my life. and now i'm even more disillusioned, about men and my capacity for normality. eeek.

Well he did call me last night after he was done teaching which I was very surprised. He explained that it was him that had a lot of things he had to straighten out within himself. He sounded sort of apologetic and apparently he's been going through a rough time and considering I don't know him on that level I guess maybe I didn't realize. So I'll give it one more chance and move slowly. Not sure if I'm ready to pursue new men just yet as I'm not over the old and just out of relationship only 3 weeks. Should I be taking more time alone?

lol mid-thirties.. a brick phone would really do the trick now wouldnt it.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Subject: casualties of war By: Vash Time: December 15, 2004 4:55 AM CDT/CEST 3264

"we're going to war!" -Flex

And as always, the true victims of war are the innocent bystanders and civilians, which in this case, are men who never get any attention paid to them because they're "too nice" or some dumb shit like that. Those are the ones who have to deal with whining women when their fuck buddies don't call them.

-----------------------------------------------------------

LMFAO... Vash, you are such a joker... really too much. i needed a good laugh today.

this entire log of posts is all about women who care. if women were the ones who didnt care, there wouldn't be one sad woman typing on this about her pain/need for a man to call her. When you are hurt by someone, its because u care about what they are doing to u. Therefore if you didnt give a rats bottom about the person, then you wouldn't be hurt. logic right?

people who are hurt are the victims, no?

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. good. ok now stop nodding.

SO! if you are scholastically inclined enough to be literate, you would have observed by now that there are a lot of victims here posting about someone who has done them some sort of wrongdoing. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out honey. Good luck with your future observations and logical attempts! The more you read our posts, the more you will learn these wonderful clever features that humans are capable of!

Tally ho!! OFF TO WARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey thanks for the reply. Basically I think he won't text me because a)he got what he wanted for the night and b)I was way clingy. I know for a fact that makes guys run a mile. I've decided to just forget about him and know for next time. Next party I a)won't get so drunk b)won't be so clingy c)won't be as easy. Hopefully doing this will aid me to finally find someone half decent! If I do ever end up texting him it will just be like 'hey hows it going blah blah' not 'why the hell haven't you texted or called you bastard!' (which was the original) and if he dosen't reply well...his loss.
Love anon P.S: This comment page rocks SO many of us have these sort of problems!

Would you rather be afraid of the possibilities or regret the outcome? Those are the 2 worst cases and personally I'd rather live in regret than fear any day.
I don't get what this means can you re-explain it for me? It sounds like it might really help but I just don't quite get it!

I'm not sure I get this phrase either - You are not alone. [Would you rather be afraid of the possibilities or regret the outcome? Those are the 2 worst cases and personally I'd rather live in regret than fear any day.]

I'm usually afraid of what's going to be said after I call. Whether I made a mistake and shouldn't have called. Should I have waited for him to call? I mean really, this is the crap going through my head. Why isn't he calling? Is it because I did something or said something?

I have no idea. So instead of wondering, someone suggested that I just call and find out and so I did. Well, when I called I never did get to ask and find out answers I want. So I'm still kind of in the same situation as before of not knowing what's going on!

So where did calling get me?

To live in stasis afraid of a potential outcome regarding something as core level as love not only kills the sense of selfempowerment but also sets into play a basic weakness regarding the way one deals with one's love. That weakness will more often than not eventually result in personality quirks that will drive away most men (most healthy sane ones that is). To regret an action, like calling X up and being straingt w/ them only to hear you worst case scenerio will at least give you truth and self volition. It might hurt and be a dark spot in memory, but it wont be a tumor.
<3 REVSCRJ

LMFAO... Vash, you are such a joker... really too much. i needed a good laugh today.

Tally ho!! OFF TO WARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Tally ho!! OFF TO WARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tally HO indeed.

Yes, we women are all hurt by what men do to us. We are victims. I don't see the wrong doing of us writing in how men have wronged us. I think it helps hearing other women complain about the same issue. At least I know I'm not the only one and some one else's view on the issue helps me with my issue. Thank you for your help!

we women are all hurt by what men do to us. We are victims. I don't see the wrong doing of us writing in how men have wronged us

There is nothing wrong in writing how you have been wronged. What is wrong is generalizing and blaming all men for this.

After the personal history between myself and the author of this article, I could go on a rampage about women, but fortunately I realize that not everyone is the same.

I strongly suggest you read a book titled, "Why Men Love Bitches." It's a brilliant book which enlightens on how to be, first of all, dependent only one one self, and allowing very slowly that other one to be part of your life, in such a way, that they feel it an honour, not an obligation.

We live in a rather twisted, weird world, and the rules of engagement, when it comes to dating, are quite a mess.

leandro

i think he's lost his phone. Naive - I know, however, if anyone could offer advice on my little mad dilemma i would be grateful..it goes like this. So 3 fantastic dates,sex,met his friends,bit more sex(in private, not with his friends)got on like proverbial burning house,sex,i'll call you very very soon...and nada. Now, i texted him something silly, he normally replys quickly, but nothing. I know that when he left me he went out with old friends drinking. He can't take his drink at all, I had found out, and is very forgetful (1st date left wallet in car, went back to get it, locked keys in car - 2nd date, lost keys to house, broke in thru window - all v macho). I also tried calling (caller id withheld of course) and straight to ansaphone. Now - he's job hunting at the moment so should theoretically be answering his phone to anyone, it could be a job you see. He knows where I live, but he lives three hours away from me in the country. So IF he has lost his mobile, and therefore my number, is it reasonable to expect him to drive 3 hours to knock on my door to tell me that he's lost my number? I can't engineer a scenario where I bump into him can I? What reason could I have for turning up in his hicksville town in the middle of nowhere? Whereas I live in thriving metropolis where all the jobs/his friends are. Should I wait? Or start playing detective? Or am I mad and he just isn't interested and have I made all this up in my head??
ps apologies for length.

-not someones affections (self included)
Why engineer a scenerio at all?

I mean- you like the guy right? Then why be covert and surreptitous? Firstly it makes it hard on you, and second its a messed up way to potentially begin a relationship.

You want to see him? Go see him. That you like him is enough reason. Sure he may not be home or he may be there w/ someone else, but worst case scenerio you laugh and say "Ooops, I'll let you get back to that/her, we should go out for a bite sometime provided you two dont get hitched, bye." and you now know why he didnt call. Its better than not knowing imo, and as long as you dont snap possesive or make a scene it all works out. Thats worst case, mind you.

Theres really no need to game with people. If they are playing one its better to ditch them than to waste time with them. If you are playing one its better you stay home and not inflict it on others.
<3 REVSCRJ

OK so here goes...basically I fully think I'm an insomniac could not get to sleep last night until like 3am! Probably because I have a paper worth 30% of my marks due friday... Anyway so I was up having a coffee and a cigi (not the best thing for insomnia) thinking and I thought dammit who cares I'll just text him and then I will COMPLETELY forget about it. Once I have texted him it is in his hands whether he wants to reply or not and it rules out the possiblity of him being a wimp or thinking I didn't want to take it further. So yea...I did it. I said 'Hey -blah-, hows it going? What have you been up to? Its -blah- from -blah- btw, do you remember me? xXx. What do yo'll think? Analysis please? Good bad or just plain ugly? Anyways let me know!
Love Anon

Well, I would have done the same thing as you did. I've done that. Of course, I'm still not satisfied after they did call. My questions have still not been answered. I'm going to need to be upfront or just move on. Right now I'm on the fence because I'm half moving on and half hanging on. Not sure which way to go. Maybe I'm just not ready for either yet. I need to concentrate on more things for myself. I'm still trying to figure myself out. It's not an easy thing. Good luck !

Hey yea I think thats such a good idea just to focus on you for a while rather than focussing on you merely because you want to change you due to others actions and reactions towards you. Just take time out for yourself to sort out what you like, what you don't, what you need, what you don't etc. Moving on is not a fast process thats for sure but keep looking ahead, you'll get there eventually and feel better for it.
Love Anon

I feel I am far too complicated for any man to even want to get involved with me. My history is so great that I can't even comprehend anything anymore. I wouldn't no where to begin to start a new relationship. I'm willing to try but not sure how it would go.

Oh my god, you guys. This is all so tragic. Please try to move on and focus on something else for your own well being! Be selfish - like they are!
I had a lond talk with a guys who's been treating me like this for 4+ years, and let me ASSURE you - they do have "stuff" and issues to deal with. Namely other women and families and guy friends to juggle around. How about if we sum it up by saying their little un-complex minds can't handle this kind of stuff. Imagine thinking on a 3rd grade level and go from there. :o) I think in there somewhere they do like to hear our voices on voicemail and see out text messages but aren't good AT ALL in engaging in conversations with women. Unless, of course, they're after something - then it becomes urgent. Let's just try to relax and keep our eyes open. Hey, if we gather up enough of these men, we should be able to have on hand at all times! If we have, say, 5, at least ONE should be calling us back at any given time, right???!!! :o)

Thank you for that different perspective. It lightened up my load a little bit and I feel a little bit more optimistic about things. Sometimes just hearing what another person has to say lifts my spirits. Thank you.
Enjoy your snowy weekend.

I have finally figured it ...
That whenever I am interested in a guy that is interested in me ...he disappears...reappears..disappears. He flirts and can't stay away from me until I flirt back and say something or do something that shows that I'm interested back...then all of a sudden...he is not interested. BUT...he drives around looking for me honks, waves, stares..like he is interested. If I call he won't call back and so on.

But if a guy, who I think is a dork, is interested in me and I show no interest and I do everything to show it...I can't get rid of him.

Go Figure!!!

Yeah, I know what you mean exactly. The guy i'm interested in does the same thing. I was in a relationship and he was free and he was after me. Now that I'm not in the relationship anymore, and I am free, he is not around. I can't seem to have a conversation without being cut off by the damn cell phone. I want to see him but he hasn't made any attempts in the last month. It pisses me off. We play telephone tag. It's ridiculous and it makes me edgy. I think I'm going to move on and try to forget about him and then he will pop again.

It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. Whatever we end up doing consumes our thoughts and it so irritating. I know we just want to live our lives but it's nuts. Half the time I walk around feeling half boy-crazy because I can't stop thinking! I hate it. Women are giving and loving and nurturing people—--men, not so much. That’s why I think they can’t understand us when we just want a phone call or an email or something. Something to let us know they’re still there. It’s tough playing by their rules, but sometimes we don’t have a choice. All we can do is pretend it doesn’t get to us and then complain to anyone who will listen!! ;o)

Their rules? Funny, I hear guys complain about that in regard to women all the time as well. I just tend to wonder why its treated like a game at all. I mean either a person provides what you desire and you do the same for them or not all other scenerios equal 'get out of the situation' so that you can stop wasting your time and theirs, perhaps to find one who will fulfill your desires.
Make no mistake: in the 'game' of love, the convoluted ridiculous rule sets are mutually set by men and women.

<3
REVSCRJ

You know, it's great to hear all this advice that we women should just get rid of the guys who are not providing us with what we need, but we women need to follow that great advice. This is definitely the Hard part for me. People can tell me until I'm blue in the face but I have a hard time doing it!!!

Whatever, revscrj. I never play games, and as far as I know, most men I know don't either. It's about knowing what you want. If I tell a guy that I like him and want to spend more time with him and he does not, then he should SAY THAT. When a guy tells me that he likes me and wants to spend more time with me but I do not, I TELL HIM THAT. I don't pretend that I do making him hurt and wonder nad WORSE, call off and on stringing him along. Hm...doesn sound like a game when I say it like that. But I don't do that.

And is "on" sometimes-very, very warm, but sometimes very cold and distant. When we first met, he called me and told me he missed me all the time. Now that I have fallen for him, he waits for ME to call. He NEVER calls, but says that he loves me. If I get angry, he is very apologetic and affectionate. I don't understand his moods and behavior. I wish he would just break it off, if that's the way he felt.

That back and forth behavior is the same way the guy I fell for is doing. He was "on" me calling all the time and telling me he loved me and then the minute I fell for him, well he was distant and doesn't call me now. Same way. Just wanted to tell you that I was getting the same treatment and you are not alone. Hey, maybe it's the same guy?

I am a man and there are a variety of reasons why guys don't call. Now, let me preface this by saying that I am speaking from the standpoint of someone who used to 'disappear' on women but have changed my ways and have not done so in years. When I tell someone I'm going to call them, I call them.

Guys don't call because sometimes they just lose interest. Or, the guy got what he wanted and now doesn't want to be bothered with her. Or, perhaps at that moment, the guy was lonely and the woman filled that space and now he has no more need for her. Whatever the reason is, for a guy to say he's going to call and then just disappear is very cowardly. But notice that I never use the word "man" - its "guys" who don't call. MEN call when they say that they will. Ladies, please be very cognizant of the fact that there is a HUGE chasm between a guy and a MAN. If you're sick of the way guys are treating you, stop dating them. Date MEN, not guys!!!! In time you will know the difference.

I think, however, what's being missed here is the fact that this is not gender specific. For every time a guy hasn't called, there was a woman somewhere who lied to a guy and gave him a fake phone number at the club. Let me say something that's true, but most females don't want to admit: GIVING OUT FAKE PHONE NUMBERS AT A CLUB IS JUST AS COWARDLY AS GUYS NOT CALLING WHEN THEY SAY THEY ARE BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO SCARED TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. Also, women sometimes don't call when they say that they will, too. Both sides are equally culpable for cowardly, immature behavior.

Please, let's all start acting as adults and be straightforward with the opposite sex and end this 'war' between us!!! May GOD richly bless each and every one of you.

I decided to try dating again after ending a 5 year relationship a month ago. I went on a blind date. I knew what he looked like, he did not about me. I felt very awkward the entire evening and was extremely nervous. He picked up on this and told me. I was embarrassed by this. Anyway, the evening ended due to the place closing. He kissed me on the cheek and said he had a nice time and I did the same and thanked him.

He didn't say, I'll call or anything. I don't think I should email him or call him because I feel that if he's interested, he will call me. As of today, no email yet.
Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks, Rob – I appreciate your insight. I’m sure we all do. I especially appreciate how you didn’t bash (“Vash”?) the women who have responded to this article. Your honesty about being one of those “guys” is refreshing and above all else, THANK YOU for not being one of THEM anymore! It’s truly time for all of us to grow up. If guys call - don't answer. Only answer if men call!

Late Thirties - It sounds like a cut and dry case of ‘you just didn’t click.’ Especially if he didn’t invited you out for another date. Best to just move on. At least you know now rather than down the road. Just try to have fun while you’re dating – it’s hard but you have to try, for your own sanity. Try not to take it all too seriously and go at your own pace. You’ll know when you meet someone you want to really hang out with and so will he. You have to respect that. Keep your expectations low and your standards high and don’t give up. I’m sorry to hear about your long-term relationship ending but hopefully soon you’ll feel good about dating again.

You know when you go on a date with a man and he never saw your picture before but sees you and you're not what he envisioned. You can see the expressions on his face, he's not making eye contact with you. He doesn't ask many questions about you. When he asks questions, you are too nervous to answer. There are lulls in the conversation. Too nervous to figure out what to say. THAT'S ME. Maybe he was just unhappy with me on the first meeting. I personally would give the person a date before judging them the first meeting. I'm still upset from last night.

I know exactly how you feel. This always seems to happen to me. I would love to e-mail you sometimes so I can talk to someone going through the same thing but I don't know if you would post your e-mail. Do you have an instant messenger program?

I wouldn't mind chatting with you about this stuff. Sure, email me at BTRUE2ME66@yahoo.com.

Well, I've finally decided to give it a rest to dating men for awhile and work on myself. I've joined a gym today and am excited about going. I gave up on searching for a man and hoping that this will get me in a better state of mind. Thank you all for your help.

You'll give off a more selfcontained, less 'on the make' vibe for it. This will get you less dates, but better ones (if what you are looking for is a potential relationship and not just sex- either way though, regular attendance at a gym cant hurt)

<3
RevScrj

I'm not looking for just sex at all. I never was. I am looking for a solid relationship with someone who wants the same things I do. It's hard to find that these days. Unless perhaps I'm just meeting the wrong ones.

Excuse me while I wax cynical:

I tend to think that the more one follows one's unique nature the more that one becomes a more distinct and unique of a being- new agers, hippies, and shut-ins agree with me on this- however there is this ramification as well: the more defined you become the more difficult it is to find a form in another person that will fit you. Its a matter of socio-geometry. An undeveloped person can mold themselves to another's shape, but a well hewn psyche cannot w/o breaking.

Ever notice that of the various wise-folk throughout history nearly zero of them had a wise-mate with them? Make ya wonder...

:end cynical outburst
<3 REVSCRJ

I have this page bookmarked! My guy too does not call. And actually, I am not a caller myself. I've never been! I hate the phone because I am on it all day at work and I like to be alone a lot. So I have been doing the "don't call men thing" since I was about 18 and I'm now 24 and honestly, I don't think it works. I never chased guys because I have never really liked the guys I have dated. But now I really like this guy and he never calls. Okay well, we started together by cheating on our boy/ girl friends with eachother in our last year of college when our significant others both had already graduated and were not in the same town. We found eachother becuase we were both fed up with the long distance relationships. He stated asking me for advice with his g/f and I gave it to him. Then it moved to us going out drinking after our classes. Eventually to drunk sex. Then long conversations that lasted all night. We went our separate ways after college and I never thought I would hear from him again. I broke up with my b/f and moved on. He ends up calling me in November saying "I'm single wanna hang?" And since then we've been dating. But since then he still never calls. I have initiated dates and conversations. I get too nervous to talk to him about my feelings and have all these quesitons like "why did you call in the first place and what do you want with me?" Because of his lack of communicaiton, I am too nervous to open up to him. I cant help but think we may never be something more, real because of how we started. I do trust him and I am not sleeping with him yet because I feel we have not made the connection we once had. His not calling says to me "I'm not interested" So I will asume that and move on again...Oh well....

Hm, maybe it is the same guy :-) Hope not!! :-) He tells ME to call him now.. maybe he's just insecure?? Or on a power trip?? He is otherwise very romantic, and good to me... ??? Thanks for responding...

What confuses is why you would rather live with the unaswered potential than the potential of finding a truth that will better you no matter what its answer is.

If you are correct then the time and energy that you put toward it will no longer have to be wasted in a dead branch- snip it and the whole is better, sucks yes, but at least you are on your way toward . If you are incorrect, well I suppose the potential good is selfexplanatory- IF YOU NEVER ASK, though, you are not being fair to yourself or him (if he isnt just a bastard, though the odds dont favor that being the case speaking of the human race in general).

<,3
REVSCRJ

It's hard to say what the heck is going on. I had a date with one of my favorite guy friends last week who happens to be the worst offender of not calling, (yes, I emailed him first) and I was able to tell him all the stuff that was on my mind regarding his phone and hermit behavior. He said he didn't even realize that he was doing it and then asked me why I didn't call him. I told him that I used to but I gave up. He seemed genuinely unaware of his behavior which I can totally believe. Just because I’ve spent a lot of time brooding about it, doesn’t mean he has. But now he knows and he promised not to do it anymore. Relationships are complex and it doesn’t help the situation to over-analyze everything. I’m glad that I had the courage to stand up to what I believed in, though, and let him know how I was feeling about it all. He took it really well, and I believe he was being sincere. Doesn’t mean things will change but he now knows where I stand and I feel better after getting it off my chest. The ball is in his court now. He’s aware that there was a problem, and so maybe he’ll think about that the next time he calls me out of the blue after 2 months. Maybe he won’t ever call again! Doesn’t matter – I feel like it’s truly been resolved and I can move on. I don’t have that feeling of emptyness and uncertainty anymore. It's always better to talk things out when you can. Most men aren't famous for this but we can try! For our own well being!

I agree with you completely. And so I was going to call him and just ask him what was going on flat out and move on. But he beat me to it. As an update...He did end up calling me last night. I missed it because I stopped looking at my phone. When I finally talked to him I found out he had a job interview for a promotion (which he said he called me right after, but I swear my phone didnt say any missed calls.),and that he did not end up getting the promotion and on top of that got the flu and has to work 6:45 a.m. all week including Satruday. So I felt like an ass.

What I ended up doing which works for me, is that I actually wrote down what I wanted to say to him on a piece of paper so I wouldnt get tounge tied. I am never waiting around like that again. I never used it though, because when we called we just talked about the week. I had a really bad week at my office too so it worked out kind of good in that sense. I did tell him that I was upset I didn't hear from him. He said he would call me tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha lets see what happens!!! Thank you for your advice! Its good to hear other people's thoughts! It helps.

I submitted a post earlier (late January). If you'd like, feel free to email me at spartanesq72@comcast.net and I will be more than happy to answer any questions you have about men, what they're thinking, to give you advice, etc. I can help you cut through all the garbage and get down to what's really going on. And let me assure you, I am not trying to hit on anyone!!! Just would like to offer some friendly advice.

Oh boy! I am so happy I'm not alone in this.
My boyfriend of five months runs so hot and cold it drives me absolutely up the wall! I can't tell you how many times he says he going to call back, but doesn't. Of course you know what happens next. Yup, I call him wondering why he never called back. Sometimes I get the ole I'm busy excuse and would you believe that sometimes he'll pull the I tried to call you back excuse (His number never showed up on the caller ID, therefore he is lying). So, why do guys do this? I would never say I'm going to do something and not follow through. It's not a matter of calling back, it's a matter of doing what you say your going to do. Actions speak louder than words. So, can anybody here tell me why he is so interested one day and then act so distant the next? It's makes no sense. This is truly all a mystery to me and it does nothing but upset me. Thanks.

You are getting the same treatment I get from the guy I'm speaking about. He does the same crap. He says he's gonna call, and sometimes he actually does and that surprises me. Most times he doesn't and that upsets me big time. I don't understand it either. He also says the same thing -- oh I tried to call you! Yeah right considering I had my phone on and no one called.

Also, we are having cell phone problems getting signals inside our house. It's ridiculous -- we are talking and then the phone just cuts out and then sometimes he gets through and calls back and sometimes we are in the middle of a conversation and we never get to finish it. That is annoying and I get so upset over this. It is ridiculous.

Now, another guy I just met said he'd call. I saw him oh let's say last wednesday and it is now Monday. No call yet. Wondering -- but I'm not calling him because if he's interested, he will call. It's really hard sitting back and seeing if he's going to call me.

At least we are going through the same kind of thing. It helps. Thank you.

The same guy I was talking about is the SAME EXACT WAY! I am going to confront him soon because I am getting sick of it. I know all men are not like that. I've had ones that call too much too. I just don't understand why the one I WANT never calls me. :-/ I know I should just move on but I can't. I've known my guy since January of 2004 and we have been "together" since November of 04. You think he would come around or at least be responsible. Then I think to myself "What kind of girl before me let him believe that this is okay?" Cuz I'm sure I'm not the first one. Or at least I like to think that!

That is so true! The guys we don't want call us back and the guys we do want never call us back. It's crazy!
Maybe we can learn something from this. Let's start treating the guys we want like the guys we don't want and see what happens...lol. I know, I know, than we get all worried that they'll think were not interested and never call back, right? Us ladies just can't win.

My story is long, so I'll shorten it.
Known this guy 5 years. We have been biyfriend / girlfriend and have slept together. Currently we e-mail with no problem. We aren't intimate. I'm OK with this for now because I know he's who I want to be with and I want him to come back because he almost has a few times. He will not call on his own much right now. He goes back and forth, which would make anyone say why be around someone who goes back n forth or acts immaturely, I know. Regardless, I already know that he can be touchy but I want my daily calls back, not just e-mail. When we were really close he called me 3 times a day and e-mail. I'm trying this week to be strong and not call first. I will be the one to plan things. Now he is in a Master's program and has worked a lot of overtime the past month. He sees me as demanding, etc. but I just want to be in his life. The fact that he doesn't call every night like he used to, does that mean he is trying to make us into friends only or will he bounce back when I stop making the calls and plans? There's a lot I haven't written here about the situation because it'd take a lot to explain but just know that I know he cares about me but I'm really scared he's trying to finally make me his platonic friend that he didn't abandon.

K,
I went through the same exact thing with my guy. The first month we were together, he was after me like a dog in heat; but now I'm lucky to get a couple of calls from him during the week. What is it about guys that they feel they don't have to recipricate communication? It makes us feel unwanted and confused. Maybe men and women truly are from different planets.

Are we all seeing the same types of men? I think so. Where are we meeting the ones that do the same thing? I don't know. The man that I have dated 6 years ago I am still in love with. When we dated back then he would call me all the time at work, at home, etc. Then, he just dropped me like I was nothing. No phone calls, nothing. Now, then we became friends like a year after that. We were talking here and there. He was in a relationship and so was I but not with each other. I wasn't available. We would meet for lunch here and there. He would email me here and there. We would sometimes talk on the phone, but hardly. I couldn't, he couldn't whatever.

Recently, in October we started talking again, this time on the phone. More and more talking on the phone and secretly because I was with someone. Well, he started calling every day probably in November. I got used to it. We hooked up, of course I asked him to meet me and he was available in mid December 04. Then we met the next evening - he met me. Then two days after that after work for a little bit. Haven't seen him since. We've spoken on the phone but that is it. He asked me out 2x, stood me up both of them. He said he loved me.

I finally got to speak with him two weeks ago and say, what's going on? Why this, why that etc. He explained his reasons and said he needed to get his head together. Well, I guess I need to just let him be because if he really wanted to be with me I guess he would track me down. He knows I love him.

He's on vacation right now and so I'll just see if he calls when he returns. I'll let you know what happens.

Hey you guys, thanks for the thoughts.
What do you think his deal is with mainly e-mail? I think he thinks I'll ask to see him, etc. if he calls. Like we can't just have a nice talk and say goodnight. He is really pressed for time these days. Even if I don't e-mail him much, he almost always still writes to me on his own. Does he just want an e-mail buddy or just less pressure??

K,
I'm not sure what the deal is with the emails. Perhaps he is avoiding something. Let me ask you something. Has he said anything like "I enjoy having you as a friend" or "I like you"? Is it possible that he enjoys being friends, but doesn't want anything else? The only reason why I ask this is you said that the two of you stopped being physical.

K,
I'm not sure what the deal is with the emails. Perhaps he is avoiding something. Let me ask you something. Has he said anything like "I enjoy having you as a friend" or "I like you"? Is it possible that he enjoys being friends, but doesn't want anything else? The only reason why I ask this is you said that the two of you stopped being physical.

Sorry K. I used your name instead of mine on the previous post...lol.

Late Thirties,
Your dilemma is confusing me too...lol. Doesn't sound like this guy knows what he wants. Than again, it doesn't sound like any of our guys know what they want. Why not just tell him you would like to get together when he gets back. See what happens. Nothing to lose at this point, right?

Hey AvgLady,
Like I said it's complicated, but he is still grabby with me when I see him and not only if he's been drinking. What's the big deal with phone calls? Too serious? I've never really known how to get him off of the email. I have thought of telling him that I just can't be reached that way anymore but I'm too afraid. I know the whole thing sounds bad. No plans have been made for Valentine's Day, which I didn't ecpect becasue things have been weird lately. I just hope for a decent card in the mail at this point!

Who knows what the phone problem is. Most of the time it seems like when these guys do call, they want to spend more time on the phone than I do. I don’t really like talking on the phone—doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hear from them, though. That guy that I had the date with a couple of weeks ago “promised” that he wouldn’t be a hermit, but do you think I’ve heard from him since? But it’s like I said, I made my peace with that situation and if you can believe it, I don’t find him nearly as attractive now that I feel empowered. This other guy said it was going to be his new year’s resolution to get together more, but that was a month ago and I haven’t even received a text message. So now I’ve move on from him too. I don’t mean to make it sound easy b/c I’ve known one of them 3 years and the other almost 5. I can’t believe it took me this long to wake up! While I’ve been wasting my time hoping they’d call, who knows what I’ve missed out on.
About emails – I think they ARE easier for men because it’s less personal but there seems to be lots of issues surrounding this type of guy. We still have no clue!!! When you guys try to call them, do they answer? Do they call you back? My experience has been that they answer or call back but I make the mistake of acting like acted like nothing was wrong or bothering me. I guess because I wanted to talk to them so bad. I need to be more honest with them and myself.

Well, to get more detailed, my guy use to call me 3 times a day but that was a long time ago.
He returns my calls and if he's home he'll sometimes pick up the phone (he keeps his answering machine low and screens calls for privacy). Last year at this time he wouldn't even agree to see me in person so it's been strange. There was a 7 month period when all he would do was return an e-mail. I didn't want to get into it all because you guys'd tell me to let him go but I love him a lot. Other guys hit on me and I know that I could date but I don't want to. So, you see, I already know that he has fear of my making too many demands on him and/or things going wrong with us. he is unrealistic and expects things to be perfect, which he knows.....holds grudges, etc. I know, I know......sounds icky but I understand his fears and forgive him. Horrible way for him to live. ***How can I get him over his fear of the phone?*** One friend of mine says by just making nice phone calls and not demanding for anything and/or asking to see him. Maybe if I do that a few times, his trust in me will build. Sounds like I'm trying too hard, but he's worth it because we have so much fun when we're together and I'm so happy.

We don't call because we are GUYS!

Simple, (just like us) end of story.

Why doesn't someone start a website about "why they don't call"? I personally am a bit tired of hoping I'll see an interesting thread in the "top 10" comments. I click, and I see "oh, my! Why didn't he call?".
Thank God the Anime thread seems to have slowed down - or is this some kind of conspiracy? Are you all the same people? Oh my!

Why doesn't someone start a website about "why they don't call"?

Done.

http://con.ca/issues/10/1/1550

Thanks a bunchload.

By the way, I do really enjoy CoN.
(No, I'm not sucking up, I really do enjoy it!)

K,
Sounds like you really like this guy. It must be driving you crazy! I completely feel the same way sometimes. You want nothing more but to be with him, but your afraid of scaring him off, right? By the way, read "Why they don't call". It will give you a good laugh :)~

Okay, I don't get it anymore. I called my guy this morning to see how he was doing. He said that I must have read his mind and that he had been thinking about me. So, if he was thinking about me, WHY DIDN'T HE CALL?!!!
These are are the kinds of comments and actions that I just don't understand. We spoke for a little bit and he said he would call me later. I'll let you know how that one goes.

I had the same conversation pretty much. I was online and he IM'ed me. (I wouldnt do it first) Then I said "I was going to call" and he said "why didn't you" and I wanted to scream "ME!! YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO ASK ME WHY!" But I didn't. So the guy I was talking about invited me over for Superbowl but then he got the flu. He called me on the day and he was complaining about not being able to go out on his one day off of work and how crappy he felt. So I canceled (go me) because he was irritating. So I called him later to see how he was feeling and then on Tuesday for the same reason. Well I realized - its not just that he does not call -- its the quality of our conversations which bothers me. Ya know, not in one of our last converstaions did he ask how I was. Or what I was doing. So that finally made me see the light! I am done with him. If he does so happen to call, I promise, I'm just gonna say "What do you want" and be on my way. Its hard to do when you really care about someone though. But like my mother always said "No one is going to take care of you but yourself" aint that the truth! Esp. with these type of guys. I just hope I really can move on.

I've been looking on this site for awhile now, and nobody has written a comment. Everyone is cured and is seeking the advice of a professional? I look forward to reading this site.

I started dating a guy three weeks ago. He was the insitgator but AT That point only called 1-2x a week. My rule was never to call-but I did out of necessity to pick up a needed item----had sex-----ask to get together that weekend----saturday 6pm, he didn't call so I did----arranged to see him and I had great sex and enjoyed myself-------haven't heard from him in 5 days--did ask me at last face to face about this weekend--I nodded. He must call me, if not, later and move on. better off

Nope, not cured...just fed up for the time being and enjoying some lucidity. It’s been sooo long since I’ve heard from my two favorite past-times. I think about calling them from time to time or sending them a text message but THEN I think better of it. Get this….yesterday I heard second-hand that one of them “sends a hello” and that “he’s just been busy working.” Can you fucking believe that? I just laughed at that guy. The “messenger.” (they work together) I looked at him and I said, “Whatever. That’s nice. Good for him.” What! He couldn’t tell me that sorry ass shit himself?! What an ass. Then the guy goes, “No message back?” I said, “RiiightTT!!” and started laughing. SO whatever. I suppose I’ll hear from him (them) sometime but I’m moving and he won’t know where I live. Neither will the other one. That delights me in so many ways. So maybe I am cured. I guess we’ll see!

No sooner did I submit that last comment then Jackass #1 called me and asked me what we're doing tonite. Haven't talked to him since Jan 17. Not sure how to handle this yet.... He's my favorite! ......

If you haven't seen or heard from him since Jan 17th, and he wants to know what you guys are doing? I personally, wouldn't be bothering with him. I am in the same boat. The guy who said he loved me back 4 months ago, uhhhh, hardly calls me and when he does, it's leaving me a message either saying somebody passed away or he's too tired or doesn't feel well, whatever the story is. I am tired of the crap. I don't know what the truth is to be honest. Is he lying to me or could all this crap be happening to one person???

Not too sure. I'm lonely and at the same time fed up. Not sure I'm ready to date anybody else yet. It's tough. It really is and I'm not having a great time being single right now. I'm trying to deal with it and having a really really hard time. It's Friday night and I'm depressed and doing nothing.

I should be out having fun!!!

Dear Mid-Thirties and Late-Thirties,

"Goodbye": a word used in the English language to indicate the intention of taking leave. Why on earth are the two of you talking in circles? If a guy sends you a message through a "friend" that he's "busy" after not contacting you for 2 months... why would you say, "Riiiiight"? Why didn't you just tell the "friend", to tell him, "I'm not interested, I've moved on. Tell him I said Goodbye." Oh, because you haven't moved on? He's your faaaavourite.... ah why, exactly? Because he treats you like a piece of trash? I'll let you in on something... men treat you exactly how you deserve to be treated. If you put out vibes that you are a doormat, you will be treated like a doormat. Period. These guys behave like assholes to you because you accept it from them. Wake up. Say "Goodbye" directly and clearly instead deriving secret satisfaction by evading them by not informing them of your impending move. By doing this you still maintain thoughts of keeping the door ajar, if only ever so slightly.

As for you, Late Thirties... you're doing slightly better, but only slightly. You've given Mid-Thirties a good bit of sisterly support... but then you go off sounding like a sorry sourpuss about your sorry little single life. Oh, cry me a river. Friday night and not a spot of fun to be had? Life is as good, bad, fun, boring, amazing, or screwed up as you make it. Try centering yourself on something other than trying to find your way out of lonely-phooey-pooey singlesville and things will start to happen. Take up a new hobby, start a new project... it will make you a more interesting person and people (including MEN) will gravitate toward you.

And as for why men don't call... it's because they are not WOMEN and simply not interested in the telephone as a mainstay of human existence! You can equate the "why he doesn't call" dilemma in the female mind to the "why doesn't she want to have sex all the time?" dilemma in the male mind. Does that make things clear as mud?

And as for why men don't call... it's because they are not WOMEN and simply not interested in the telephone as a mainstay of human existence! You can equate the "why he doesn't call" dilemma in the female mind to the "why doesn't she want to have sex all the time?" dilemma in the male mind.

Amusing you would say this, because I am having the same problem but with a woman. For her picking up the phone and calling seems to be an invasion of her independence and privacy. Long gone are the days when she'd call me in the morning to wish me a good one.

And if I call her at night to wish her a goodnight, while it was perfectly accepted before, now it seems to be the most annoying thing ever. Apparently this has to do with the fact that now she needs days to recharge away from me.

Yeah. Consider the fact that with school and work I see her two days a week max. If I'm lucky, three.

Very bizarre.
leandro

It's a done deal. I HAVE moved on and have said my goodbyes. It feels good. A close friend of mine introduced me to her cousin and we've really hit it off. I'm able to see now what I was wasting my time on before b/c this man treats me so well. It’s hard to believe what I’ve lowered myself to for so long. I think I thought, kinda like you said—Early Forties, I only deserved that kind of treatment. Why else would I have put up with it for so long. Anyway, I see very clearly now that not all men are the same and are in fact able to treat me with respect and show some thoughtfulness. It’s been really nice and it’s not too smothering, either. That can be a huge problem as well. Who knows how long this will last, but it doesn’t matter. I’m glad to have had the chance to have this awakening and renewed faith in the opposite sex! No more assholes.

Thank you soooo much for this web site...i thought i was strange(4 getting pissed off when my man doesnt call 4 a few days)...4 some reason none of my friends or family have had the same feelings and i thought i was overeacting...but cant help the way i feel.i NEVER call him though unless he's been regularly calling me(every 2nd day usually keeps me happy:)...but then after a few days of being royally pissed off @ him i just feel like i cant even talk to him without an attitude and just want to give up on the whole relationship to get back at him for being so un careing. But then i see him and im reminded of why i like him so much and then im HOOKED...and then he doesnt call...every week this happens...its a vicious cycle and emotionally wearing.
ps.do u think its normal to see ur boyfriend only once a week?(he does live 45 minutes away) but i feel like he should put in the extra effort to keep me (im used to guys going gaga over me_ofcourse never the right guys though:(... and im addicted to compliments but he has never complimented me...how can i squeeze one outta him?

Ask him a question that requires a judgement.

Beware and be aware though: you asked, don't be pissy if the answer isnt what you wanted or you will teach him to lie to you as a regular behavior.

I am at work so I had to break up my comment on this.

>but cant help the way i feel.

Only because you have decided it is that way.

>i NEVER call him though unless he's been regularly calling me(every 2nd day usually keeps me happy:)...>

Have you told him that you need a call every other day in order for the relationship to work well? If you havent then the relationship has less of a chance of sucsess (compounded by every other critical thing you conceal)

>but then after a few days of being royally pissed off

So you wait and let it fester for what reason? Deal w/ issues as they come up.

>to get back at him for being so un careing.

Advice: fuck doing anything out of spite if you ever want healthy love.

>every week this happens...its a vicious cycle and emotionally wearing.>

talk it out. if there is no change (on your part or his) then cut your losses.

>ps.do u think its normal

I don't think about normal. Normal is weak and codependant.

>i feel like he should put in the extra effort to keep me (im used to guys going gaga over me>

Beware of yourself. The more power you have (whether in beauty brains brawn whatever) the more potential chaos and damage you can cause to yourself and others (or potential good)

I have been emailing a guy for quite some time. I wrote to him a few days ago and still haven't heard from him. I had asked him something that I needed an answer to, but so far all that I've gotten is just silence.
I'm not sure I've offended him or what. I don't know if I should just keep quiet about it, and leave it alone or try to make amends. Is it better to just leave men alone in their caves until they come out?

...well if you dont care one way or the other then let the issue lay. If you do care then pursue it. Simple enough. If the guy gets irritable by your need to know, thats a red flag in regard to your neediness and his not being compatible.

I so needed to read this! Like your guys, he was SO keen - even had the friends wanting to speak to me on the 'phone when they're out drinking; meet the family - then a joke row and NOTHING for days, and none of my (1 a day) calls returned. Last ditch today was a joke text. If there's nothing back, that's it. I'm hurt!! And p***ed off!

Better to be pissed than led around on a leash, even a pleasant one- I'd give a beware to you though in regard to leaving a few casual messages a joke or two and then dissapearing pissed off. Be clear with what you are needing/doing, after all if you arent you really cant expect your sig. other to be psychic (not to mention the hurt you say you will feel might be your doing if you don't make yourself clear to the other person)

Usually my boyfriend of about3-4 months talk to each other on the phone at least every other day. But for the last four days..going on five he hasnt called me. I called him the first 2 days and left one message. I was trying to decide if I should call him...or text him to let him know that im worried about him but after coming to this site..reading all the comments, chatting with my best guy friend, and thinking about it..I decided that I will just chill out and see what happen..focus on schoolwork and such.and be extremely busy on purpose..since he seems to be busy, if nothing bad has happened. Thanks everyone..and have a good day.

Well i changed my attitude about calls...i just dont think about it anymore its a 'waste of my time'(boomkat...good song 4 anyone interested in this subject...in a good way:-). Its kinda funny...once i stopped careing about the calls about a week of the same phone manner went on and then the guy i was seeing started calling everyday and oops he missed a day(like i cared) and called and apologized...wow total turn around on phone manners...im not even gonna bother analyzing why. Anyways i know why my guy didnt call...he isnt interested in a relationship...he doesnt want to "rush into things" he wants to "take it slow". HA! Then why have we been going so fast for a couple months??? I was being patient cuz he said his x girlfriend he caught cheeting on him...so naturally i wanted to show him he could trust me(i liked him allot)...i mentioned something about it the other night and he looked at me with a blank face..."what r u talking about...me and my x girlfriend just didnt get along...i never said she cheated on me"...what! do u have a freakin split personality"..i would luv to hear why a guy would make up such a stupid story(obviously a lie if he cant remember..right?)conclusion:immature,doesnt want commitment cuz he gets everything he wants from me and can still get anything he wants from any other girl without having to feel bad. Well back with my bad attitude on this one...I'll teach him how to take it slow...im never speaking to him again!

http://con.ca/issues/10/1/1550

-some variation of #6. Likely he was trying to either: control the speed the relationship moved at, get laid like right then by provoking a 'demonstration of love' out of you, or was trying to say 'Don't cheat on me' in a really psychotic roundabout manner.

<3
REVSCRJ

Ok, Trisha, JsL, revscrj, mid-thirties, Leando, imp and Wondering.....Let's all take this one step further, shall we? Do you see what you're all doing here? You give the guy (Leandro, the gal) the seat of power by letting them decide when to call, when to return your calls and how they react to your desire to be call/be called (or emailed). You need to take back the power! Here's how: You turn off your cell phone and unplug your home phone for 3 days, say every 7 days. This way YOU have the power. Just plug the phones back in when you need to make a call and unplug it straight away when you get off. Trust me on this.... they will be calling and going crazy trying to reach you (which is a good thing). But you have to go one step further.... don't return their calls right away. Wait a whole day if you can and then, be very upbeat but give them NO DETAILED INFORMATION about where you were and why you didn't return their call. You will effectively rebalance the power to your side. Don't think of it as playing games... it's a necessary tactic if you want to stay in control, and control is where it's at. Having said that, there are circumstances in which no unplugging of phones is gonna turn things around... i.e. Wondering and imp, sorry but those guys just ain't much innerested. Move on, babes.

as men its a factor of us thinking oh maybe we have to take a relationship further than we want and you have to admit women can get clingy and its scary because most men like us are afrain od commitment

-I agree with the idea behind what you are saying however I am pretty firmly against playing games with love such as purposefully not returning a call in order to 'shift the balance of power'. If I have to consider the 'balance of power' in a relationship then it is already an unsucsessful one as far as I am concerned.

Rev 'thusly single' Scrj

I met a guy 3 weeks ago and for the first ten days he was the perfect man...attentive, sweet, TXTing and calling with abandon 3 or 4 times a day. In the second ten days he has turned into a different person...not returning TXTs, answering messages with out of context answers (i.e. "Do you want to make plans for Saturday?" answered with "Hope you're having a nice lunch")...Last communication was 3 days ago when I sent him a TXT on Sunday asking if he felt like taking a walk and 12 hours later I got the reply "At work." Since then, nothing and I'm resisting calling him with every fibre of my being. He's a self-admitted workaholic and has crazy work hours plus his dad is in the advanced stages of a terminal illness so obviously priority for his time lies there (as it should). I really like this guy and when we met we were both stunned by how we suited each other but there is a bit too much Jekyll and Hyde going on now. A good male friend has advised me to wait it out and let him do the chasing. I know he's busy but figure if he really wanted to he would find 15 seconds in his day to send me a reassuring message. Or do men just not know we need this? How long do I wait before I write him off?

It has taken me over 3 days (few at a time) to read all the 210 posted messages on this site and as a 45 yrs old woman, divorced 8 yrs ago, I have come to the conclusion after my personal experiences and reading all these posted notes, which I gather it ranged from very young women to some older ones and maybe me being the oldest (yes, I also read the men's posts) that even if we do not like it, to get to a guy's (cell) heart, we have to play the "games"... I cannot believe I am saying that, me? a woman so secured of myself with a post-gradate degree (unbelievable, but yes, if have just realize that if I want to "win" as in all games, I have to play!)

I have always refused to play "games" but I am coming to the conclusion (after all these years) it is not just "games" but the way "courting" goes and if you can't beat them then join them and since most men like to do the chasing (even if they tell you, they don't) so if you do not play hard to get, they are not interested, and once you give yourself to him (especially sexually) he becomes less into you, so then I recommend even if you are dying to have sex wit the guy, DON'T! instead go home and "play" with yourself if you have too, and don't tell him know how much you are (feelings) into him, wait until he tells you and then wait even some more. I guess we have to play hard (part of the games) to allow (it is up to us, not the men) the hunting...

Let the hunt begin!

As to the phone calls, if you are desperate to call him........ DON'T! Instead call a friend, post a message here, chat with a stranger but do NOT call him, even if you are dying to call him, even if you are worried he is dead/sick/injured/depressed/etc, if he was dead someone would have called you by now. Always wait for him to call you, txt you, e-mail you, and always answer with few worlds like most guys do. Show him you are glad he contacted you but do not over do it. Women, lets reverse the roles. Let's not agonize over whether he calls or not. What it will be will be!... Of course it is much easier said than done. Do not think I am wise and know it all, I just have spent lots of time reading all your posts because I have been agonizing over a guy calling me all this week (we have had very few calls this week and all very short, most calls I started them) after we had 4 dates last week (on the 4th night he only got a kiss on the lips and that is, because he gave it to me, that's all!!! LOL) So he is either gone because he wanted more and I guess I did not give "it" to him after the 3rd date "rule," or he figured, "oh my, she is too much work, to get her to bed!" MORE LOL...But my agonies have come to an end, specially after I have written this loooong post.

Anyway, I have enjoyed reading this site and lets keep it up, I want to hear more of the adventures of the other ladies that post here regularly.

Remember the only way to a guy's (heart) phone is showing you are not "that" interested...

Do you want to play? :)

How long do you wait is entirely your decision.

Insofar as input to the situation goes: my last GF and I split up once early in our relationship because my Mother had died and I simply didnt want to see anyone for awhile. She took it as a personal afront and a sign that our relationship was going fallow and got a bit huffy over it. It took me all of 30 seconds worth of contemplation to say to myself "Fuck this noise". Though we did get back together later I see in retrospect that I never really UNsaid "fuck this noise" in regards to her on a deep down inarticulate level.

Or more simply put: there are life traumas that are bigger than love, so much so that if love gets into their natural path and course Love gets plowed over. Take your friend's advice, have a presence but be a ghost unless there is signs of desire for more- at least thats what I would have prefered.

<3
REVSCRJ

I tend to think that the reason most men become less interested in a woman after they have gotten sex from them is that the society rates men on their sexual "conquests" (as if sexuality has ANYTHING to do with defeating a person) in regard to QUANTITY. Couple that with the advertised image that men should be trying to 'get some' every waking minute lest they in someway be less of a man for not and basicly you end up with a percentage of men who want to seen as 'great' by their peers because they have bedded X so-large-a-number-of-women-love-obviously-had-nothing-to-do-with-it instead of 'great' because of something actually meaningful. Its not that they really 'lose' interest really, because they really had no interest in the first place in regard to the person the woman is, but were entirely focused on the meat that the woman is.

Women do the same thing to men, by the way, (just saying this in case theres some indignant gender riteousness starting to rise). EX: If I were to say "When a chick says no she really means yes." you'd likely think "what a lame ass dork this guy is" and yet you say "[men] want to chase you even if they say they don't."

Not throwing stones here, just pointing out that the games are mutual. You say that you give up and play them. Well, then they will continue and prove themselves as omnipresent because you will be within them. Trust me when I say: I prefer a woman be straight with me from day one. If she wants one thing but is pretending to want another I will take that as a sign of manipulative behavior at best. If she calls too much I will tell her as I hope that she would tell me if she needed to talk to me more- any hiding of that stuff might make for a more titilating dramatic courtship but its doubtful that it will make the strong foundations needed for a lasting love.

-least thats my 2 pennies
<3 REVSCRJ

Hi REVSCRJ, thats quite helpful thanks. Of course I would like to believe that his lack of communication this week is about really shitty timing and not to do with me personally. I guess time will tell....and no I won't call to find out sooner. Thanks.

Yesterday I wrote here so much advise saying "if you can't beat them, then join them" oh well, I can't. Its against my beliefs and I thought I could play the "games" but it is not in me.

This man I wrote about on my prior posted note, he IMed today because I sent an IM saying hi to him first (sorry, I could not resist myself, and it was almost at the end of the work day, we were both at our offices, so I figure, why not!) so he replies with so many excuses how busy he is, how overworked he is, how he works so hard and makes no money, how much he misses me, how he hopes to see me soon, etc., etc.... I stopped him right away and I told him not to stress out, that I was just saying hello.

He kept chatting telling me nicer things and we had a short of a nice conversation, we would type sporadically because we were both working, (we are both self-employed and we can chat as much as our time allows it) then all of the sudden he said he had to go to do something, again he repeated how he misses me and hopes to see me soon and then click! He was no longer on line.

I could not resist myself, I did it! I spoke my mind!! Not by calling him, but I wrote him an email that I know he will open tomorrow when he gets to his office, (I requested a return receipt) and I wrote him everything I had been holding back, specially that a person should not often say "I will call you later" when they don't really mean it! That even if a person is soooooooo busy, there is always a minute to say hello, of course if the caller is interested in the person at the other end. I told him I rather not hear the phone ring, but not to lead me on by telling me, he misses me and hopes to see me. I said his actions speak louder than his words! Do you think I offended him? LOL

I do not care if he gets offended but I spoke my honest mind and that's who I am. He can go on and find a poor victim that will have sex with him and she will then suffer because he then won't call her LOL She may then come to this page and complain how bla bla bla bla and then no more bla bla bla... I bit him to his own game, he got no sex and no agony from me, besides the e-mail I sent him LOL

Let's keep the soap opera alive! Whether you are honest or whether you play the "games" no matter what, there will always be guys out there that will say "I will call you later" and then some will call and some will not and c'est la vie!

Okay so i met this guy a week ago at a club in boston he was absolutley without a doubt the hottest guy that i had ever talked to. He was sweet, smart, good dancer, all the above, before we left the club he told me to wait for him outside because he wanted to say goodbye. I waited while my friends scarfed down some pizza and he walked over and said I'm just gonna take her away for one second and grabbed my hand. The next thing you know he lays a kiss right on me and asks me for my number. then on the way home he text's me a message saying all smiles. it was so cute. but its been a week and still no call. I decided to text him back and i still havent heard from him. what a bummer oh well............next!!!

You got one of those that do not call!!! oh well.... I hope you enjoyed the kiss at least!!! :) and do not txt or call him......... If he is interested he will call you, however I have a feeling the guys knows he is HOT and that's why he took it upon himself to kiss you. Hey who gave him the right? LOL Well, maybe it was the alcohol in his system!

If you ever run into him again, don't make a big deal and if he tries to kiss you again, do not let him!!! Let him call you first :)

Let's talk semantics for a moment. Recently, Rosa wrote that as a mature woman she now sees the necessity for "games". REVSCRJ denounces games as manipulative and says that if you're relationship involves "games" then it's a bad relationship anyway.

Ok, deep breath, ladies & gentlemen. I recently suggested the technique of purposely not returning calls/messages as a way of rebalancing power in a relationship. In retrospect I see my wording as a little faulty. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN PLAYING GAMES. I do believe that a truly good relationship (i.e. one that will last a lifetime) requires planning, effort, strategy, and hard work. Not just flying by the seat of your pants. Would you go to bank and ask for a business loan without a business plan? I should hope not. Therefore you should not expect a successful long term relationship without putting thought, planning, and action into it. Now, back to semantics. Some people still call this "game playing" (i.e. Rosa and REVSCRJ). I call this "working at a relationship". My goal is to be happy and grow old with my mate. If I need to unplug the phone for a couple of days to get his attention, then so be it. The only time that doesn't work is when the guy truly doesn't want you. Then they will use it as a excuse to bow out. In which case you've done yourself a favour anyway.

And just so you know, "working at a relationship" takes far more maturity, patience, perserverence, and effort than just winging it. But the results are worth it. I'm in the happiest relationship of my life with a man who I had problems with due to "telephonic challenges" and now things are sailing along just fine. Last week he told me he loves me and believe you me... it was bloody hard not to blurt that out before he had a chance to make his decision, but I used my head and waited it out. Rosa, a little bit of self-control really goes a long long way. Men don't like to be attacked and if you want him beside you, you have to reel in your "honesty" because in all likelihood you won't get the reaction you're hoping for.

HELP!!! This guy asked me out when I got home from university and said he had been waiting for me to get home. The first week we spent every day together. He was full of compliments and talk to the future saying he wanted to be with me until I got sick of him. Then when he left after spending a week with me he just stopped calling and trying to see me. He said he needed time for his friends, but a week and a half? I have called a few times and it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. He is a really sincere person but I just don't get how he can see me every day and then go a week and a half like it's nothing. All I want to do is call him to reassure myself that he is still into me, but I know he will just think he can have me whenever he wants and it will make it worse. Can anyone help me out on why he is doing this and if he is worth it??

Had a blind date that was AWESOME in everyway! The guy called the next two days. He came over to my house last Wednesday, and we had a great time again. My birthday was May 10, and he left a message to wish me a Happy B-day & "I was thinking about you" on my home #, even though he has my cell #.

I called & left a message Wed. night. Haven't heard peep from him since!

On the two nights we were together we had an awesome time! No sex, but lots of great kissing! Gave me complimnets left and right...it was great!

What happened????

After the great advice, that what we are doing is not playing games, but that we need to be strategical, it all make sense. Planning and setting our goals to catch a new guy, plain and simple its my conclusion. PLAY HARD TO GET........ come across interested but not too interested. Leave enough of a suspense on the guy to make him wonder if you are really interested in him or not. Forget about much kissing, making out or anything near that for several (I would say many, even if you are super horny) dates. A little good night kiss there and here maybe!!! ........ And as to the phone, when he calls make sure you make the call short and you always be the one to say good bye first. And if he does not call like he said he was going to, then his lose!!!!! LADIES, this is just basic to have the man you want in your pocket. Try it and you will see it works... There are not games, but it is just the way of life to a man's heart. Remember, men are animals (rational ones, supposedly LOL) and their basic instinct is to hunt. So let them hunt you but do not be an easy prey, otherwise he will get bored too soon. So let's not wonder anymore, let's not second guess why he stopped calling or seeing us. Enjoy life on the mean time and call your girlfriends!!! :)

Its funny: I find that I wholley agree with your suggestions but disagree with your reasoning. Slow progression makes for more solid foundations and due to the potential volitility, and probable pain of emotional investment, love is never something to rush into.

I am curious why though that you would suggest that someone base the formative times of a relationship in manipulation? Regardless of whether it is an effective method it seems to me that its a real REAL bad foot to start a new love on... or am I just too truth-oriented?

<3
REVSCRJ

Hey ladies, I just wanted to say thanks for your input. My boyfriend just told me that he wants some time apart. It's so hard resisting the urge to pick up my cell phone. Reading all of your comments has helped me resist that urge. If he really loves me then he will call..if he doesn't call...SCREW HIM! It won't be that easy to actually break up with him, we have almost been together for 4 years. Hopefully we can work things out. He got mad at me because he thought that I was calling too much and checking up on him too much....now it's his turn to wonder why I'm not calling. Ladies, NEVER WAIT NEAR THE PHONE FOR HIM TO CALL!!! It's the worse move ever, it will make you feel worse. Go out and have a good time with your ladies and make him call you. I'm sure that all of us have found ourselves waiting for the phone to ring. I have done it before and it made me only think of the worse. STAY STRONG LADIES!! We're all in it together :) <3

How the saying goes? It's not how yo got there but that you got where you wanted to go or is it getting there that counts and not being there, or how else can we say it, does it mean the same? Regardless how you say it or what it means, or how we interpret it, the bottom line, where there is a will there is a way. So what ever works for you go for it. Be happy and don't be miserable, a phone call from a guy, even if you think he is the love of your life is not worth it, if it means agony to you.

So there you have it, agree or disagree with me, call it truths, call it games, call it strategies, but reality is we ladies have to do something and its not waiting by the phone...

By the way, I am going to stop giving my phone number out! LOL But then I won't have any drama in my life, and I guess we all need a bit of drama to make the chasing more exiting!!!! LOL Gosh I am funny today! Let those phones ring!!!! :)

I have often read that if you put off vibes that you atre a doormat, a man will automatically treat you that way. I completely disagree with this statement. I have been the same person to many men and have been treated a variety of different ways. Some good and some bad. I think it totally depends on the man on how he is going to treat you. It depends on his background, his upbringing and what he is looking for at the time. if he is a kind man who is respectful, he will treat you with the respect you deserve period. You won't have to tap dance and threaten and game play. If he is a jerk and is only out for one thing he may try and treat you crappy and if that's the case goof riddance! Think about it.....you pretty much treat most people you are dating the same if you like them. If you are a predator and are looking to take advantage of someone you perceive as weak that shows a lot about your character and what a you are about. Doormat or not respect will be given by a kind, mannerly and respectful man. This is the kind of man you want in your life.

I'm amazed at how the comments have kept on coming for the last three years. There were some that I wanted to respond to:

Vash, I have to agree with your long ago remark that girls "don't have to be 100% forward, saying "call me more," a subtle hint or an ego stroker like "I love hearing your voice over the phone" should do nicely. So women (and some men too), you want your significant other to call you more? LET THEM KNOW, don't be petty and beat around the bush."" because that's what my boyfriend of three years suggested and actually worked. Mind, it has nothing to do with manipulation, but respect for one another's needs.

Then someone said to "try to quit calling umpteen times a day and spend that time learning how to cook or exercise or anything else productive." This sounds really easy to do, but it's NOT. It's a fundamental difference between the two sexes that can't really be resolved - it's hard for girls to refrain from calling and hard for guys to call the right amount of times. Which is why I laughed so hard when Pink Boo said that "there should be a support hot-line for women whose boyfriends don't call when they say they will or don't return phone calls at all." I'm glad that this article (site) is functioning as some type of support. =)

Sky mentioned "just because someone thinks about these things doesn't mean they don't have a life and don't go on with other areas of their lives. It doesn't mean they sit at home with phone in hand going crazy. But we all have those moments when we're not doing anything and our mind wanders(for example, those few minutes lying in bed before you fall asleep, taking a hot bath to relax, waiting for the bus with nothing to read, etc. THOSE are the times that we think about it. not when we're at school or work, not when we're immersed in hobbies, out with friends going dancing, throwing or attending parties, meeting new people, making new friends. you can still have full and complete life and still have those moments when your mind wanders to these things." I agree with this wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly. Girls somehow have the ability to make their current interest feel like they were waiting in front of the phone 200% of time when they rant about it, when in truth it's only during those time frames. And when so many people are getting riled up over someone who doesn't seem like he's in it for the long run, one can only imagine what it's like when he is the one! Well, at least in the latter scenario, he's let it be known that the more I call, the less inclined he is to pick up, mainly because he knows that I'm going to be complaining and/or picking a fight about how many times I had to call before reaching him and he wants to avoid that.

K, do take your friend's advice "by just making nice phone calls and not demanding for anything and/or asking to see him. Maybe if I do that a few times, his trust in me will build. Sounds like I'm trying too hard, but he's worth it because we have so much fun when we're together and I'm so happy." And don't think of it as something you have to do for love, but rather think of it as helping you and him build healthy relationship boundaries. I'm not coming from above though - I still work on this constantly and have been for at least two (out of three) years.

Even though I can rationally agree with many of the comments here, it doesn't mean that I'll ever understand the whole deal. I admit that it's made me more cynical.

Guys are really different from girls. I got into a four-day row with my boyfriend right before I went away to a different country, one where I don't have a working cell phone. He said some really hurtful things, thus I didn't feel inclined to give him any new contact information. He's emailed me twice, but I understand that it's because he thinks that I want space and refrains from sending email even though he checks it more often. It's been almost three weeks now and I've been concentrating more on myself than on him. It's been nice that he's out of my mind until the last few days, when I started doing a lot of thinking about our relationship and I wonder if it's worth all the tears and spending time on fights rather than building memories. To me, the answer has always been yes and it's kept me strong when I need to be the support in our relationship, but I'm starting to wonder. Anyway, those are the thoughts that brought me to this site. Thanks for reading.

I totally agree... I just got done reading "Wmen are from mars men are from venus"and right now I am realizing my bf needs some space to "Go in his cave" He just got a new job, he has to move an hr and a half away from me and his family and he is stressed and he hated doing plumbing work which is what this job site is calling for him to do. . Not to mention... He used to call and text me all day every day(we been together off and on for 2 1/2 years now... we have been together this last time so jar 6 going on 7 months and he called all the time up til about the 41/2 to 5 1/2 month mark.. and now he has stopped, so I started calling and texting him all the time. Now i am aware that it pisses him off that I call all the time and we run out of things to say. My problem is... i try to keep myself occupied but it never seems to fail....I check my cell phone every five minutes just to see if I mighta missed a call.(have you ever thought you heard your phone ring but it never really did?) Or I actually go and do something exciting for myself.... then I just want to call him afterwards and tell him about it. This is freaking hard....What do I do? One of the preveouse comments was totally right... doing somehting for yourself while giving him space isnt as easy as it looks. You know going back now reading what I just wrote... I feel kinda like a loser for calling so much... but outta what I read... I am glad I am not the only one going throught men's bullshit. LMAO!

OOOPS I SCREWED THE BOOKS NAME UP. HAHA MY BAD! I meant to say "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus." Hhahahaha lol

II am so shocked so many woman feel the same way I do! Same story with me too. Been dating this guy really attentive making the effort to start with, spent a night together in another city went out for dinner etc. Then his exams started, one went really well and he sent me a text straight after his exam, (its his LCP so it is extremely important, whether he gets to practice lay or not) the text said “ hey babes went well thank you for your support couldn’t have done it without it. Miss you babes”. Then he was on the phone and texting really nice.

Next exam, went really bad. After that he didn’t contact me I assumed it was because he got his head down and was concentrating. I sent him two text one on Saturday one on Sunday no response. Tried calling twice n Sunday as well, no answer. He has told me we are in the early stages of a relationship and I didn’t feel like that.

That was it I didn’t contact him. So I spoke to him Friday. Then Wednesday he calls, a bit sheepish. I think he was trying to guess what I was thinking. He asked if I was ok! I said yep and talked to him normally. As he is already under pressure I don’t want to add to his pressure. He then said sorry for not getting back to me and that this week is a hard one for him with four more exams. I said “just get your head down and I’ll speak to you after your exams” he said “I’ll definitely call you tonight after watching football”

He has said that a few times and never called. I have been patient and have since a week ago stopped texting and calling him. I even deleted his number from my phone to help me feel at ease. I have decided next time he says “I’ll call you later tonight” I’m going to say something like “STOP, don’t say that just call if you are but don’t talk, actions speak louder”.

I think he is keen but then again I don’t really know. The worst thing about it is he told me I have the X factor for him and I know I could fall for him too. So hes hot then cold, or maybe because I’m so relaxed and act as though I’m not too bothered he has taken it literally. All I can do is see what happens after his exams are over. I will know then……

The biggie for me now is I’m going off him very quickly…I’m finding him rather boring…..

I gave my boyfriend a call last Sunday to wish him a smooth flight and we chatted for 10 minutes. He asked how I'd been doing the last few weeks and told me what he'd been doing the last few days. He also complained a lot about feeling sick and I decided to be more assertive than supportive (my usual stance) by telling him to quit whining. Then, I gave him my new contact information and he promised to call. Forgot about him until today when I realized he hasn't called OR emailed since then.

He always wants me to give him more space and I would like to state that a month should be more than enough, especially in a committed relationship of almost three years. Sure, it's also been beneficial for me, but I wonder about his commitment to me when his actions tell me that I'm not that important in his life.

For those that have been or are in long term relationships, can you help me out? I wonder if I should even try to contact him anymore? Are we breaking up w/o a N-day notice?

For those that have been or are in long term relationships, can you help me out? I wonder if I should even try to contact him anymore? Are we breaking up w/o a N-day notice?

I've been debating it, for my own reasons, to just bail out without a see-you-later. But they deserve it, anyway. The important bit is not to waste too much time explaing why and remembering that we deserve better. Albeit my story is a little bit different, it ties in at least in that regard.

leandro

So I got home nine days ago from a trip to see this guy. I've known him six years, but the timing has never been right for us to hook up. But about 3 months ago, the timing was perfect. Unfortunately, he lives 2000 miles away. He came out and saw me in March and paid for my plane ticket to go see him 2 weeks ago. Everything has been perfect. We used to talk on the phone for hours - all night sometimes. Since I got back from his house 9 days ago, I heard from him 4 days after my plane landed - had a 10 minute conversation then. And now, I haven't heard from him in almost 6 days. I've left a couple messages, sent an email... He's been online and I've IM'd him - NOTHING. It's ripping me apart because this is unlike him - very UNLIKE HIM. I can't think of anything I could have possibly done to make him not call. He has ALWAYS returned my calls in the past... I've decided not to call him anymore until he calls me. It's hard for me because I seriously love the crap out of him. I've had knots in my stomach the past 2 days and it is really starting to hurt bad.

Dee S.

Your advice is for 12 year olds. Just ask your boyfriend / girlfriend why he or she doesnt call you as often as you would like. I'm sure they will give you a sufficent answer.

If you are not satisfied with the answer then let them know that as well. Just be honest and have the common curtisy to respect each other as adults. There are plenty of women / men out there you can simply find an other.

You know, mine hasn't called in a couple of days and I was thinking I should leave one of "those" messages-but I have decided not to and this site has solidified my need to NOT CALL. The fact is, he will call if he cares. I think we women need to understand that men are socially much more distant and they don't worry the way we do. However, if in the end he doesn't call-so be it. It wasn't meant to be. There are many men out there so let's not settle for Mr. Not Right.

Okay - so 18 days after I saw him last, he calls me last night - and his excuse for not calling went something like this:

"I know I haven't returned a call or email, but I've been really busy visiting family and working 12 hour shifts. I've also been getting ready for my deployment (blah, blah, blah.) I just don't want to rush anything and I just need some 'me-time' (he lives 2000 miles away - he doesn't get enough 'me-time'?) It may seem like I'm blowing you off, I'm not, even though it seems like it and I kind of am (what the fuck does that mean?) but I just need to think about stuff... and more blah, blah, blah."

All I have to say is WHATEVER!!!

I know I haven't returned a call or email

You know, I can almost understand not wanting to call, after a hell of a day. But it takes absolutely no effort to fire off an e-mail that simply states "just thinking of you." That's it. Total time, 30 seconds, if you type with one finger.

Doesn't seem like this one is worth hanging on to.

leandro

He is leaving tomorrow for Iraq - do you think I'll hear from him before he goes? Probably not. I hope 45 days in Qatar gives him more "me-time" than he can handle.

He is leaving tomorrow for Iraq - do you think I'll hear from him before he goes? Probably not. I hope 45 days in Qatar gives him more "me-time" than he can handle.

Pack up. Let go. Move on.
No point wasting time. It's a two way street in a relationship. Effort goes both ways in meeting in the middle.

leandro

I am so frustrated like most of you. I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks now and it's not yet that serious but we have been hanging out a lot on the weekends and I really like him a lot, I thought things were going good until this week. It's been a week and two days since I have heard from him, and it's not the first time this has happened. I called him the Monday after we hung out and he didn't answer or ever call me back and I refuse to break down and call him. I don't know what to do anymore, I hate that guys make you feel this way; I really just want to scream. How long do I wait to call?, If I don't call will he think I've lost interest?, then we don't call each other and then I will never know what the hell is going on. I am seriously about to give up on guys, it's just too stressful. HELP!

I dated this guy for one month and then he didn't call me for 12 days. We had dated just 6 times and he'd call me once in between dates. On the 12th day he called me and talked a long time. First thing he said was how much he missed me and how he really did want to see me. He told me his grown daughter's cancer had spread throughout her body and that his grown son(who is a heavy meth user) had gotten in a tree trimming accident and was hospitalized for a few days. He said he had been feeling so bad he just didn't think he was good company. Then he finally agree to come over several days later although he was out of town selling realty(he does that on the weekends). Well, he called me early that evening saying that he was held up longer than he thought. Would I still want him to come over late since he couldn't stay long? He sells realty on weekends and evenings. He did have to get up early to go to work the next day. I regretfully said yes but he never showed. 1-1/2 days later when I called him he said he had left a message and I told him I didn't get it. Then he said he didn't have time to date now and it wasn't fair to me. He teaches school and it was the last 10 days of his year. He said he'd probably be free in about 2 weeks after school was over and he drove up north to see his daughter that has cancer, but it's been 3 weeks and no call. I know he's stressed over his daughter's cancer and his son's meth problems but what do you think? I'm still somewhat confused.

Sharyn and to u'all ladies!! (including moi!) maybe telephones should be banned!!! and Internet and all the gadgets for technical communications because its the only way we will get over the issue, "why doesn't he call me".... I am a great preacher but a horrible practitioner. We need to be cool, most men do not like it when we make ourselves "available" we need to pretend we are NOT an easy pray. Remember men like the hunt.

So Sharyn send him a text message or e-mail and tell him you hope his daughter is better (so you show concern) and leave it at that, very short and sweet and next time he contacts you and wants to see you tell him you are not available, juts tell him maybe "next time" say you are busy and bye. A very short communication with him and he would wonder. Even if your man is so busy, if a man cares he would have the "30 seconds" as stated on a previous comment on this site, to say "hi, I am thinking about you" contact.

I have it very clear on my mind that if you show a man you care too much, too soon, he becomes bored real fast... So let's play it low key and lets make the chase fun..... Now I just need to apply this advice to myself.

Good luck to all of us ladies that wait for the one man that cares, knows and shows us that a phone call makes all the difference in the world.

I am waiting for my phone to ring....... LOL

Well, I didn't text or e-mail him yet because I'm afraid he really doesn't want to see me and that he wouldn't want to hear from me at all. Do guys really wait 3 weeks or more to call and still want to see you? This is kind of new to me. Others have told me that he has let me know in more than one way to move on but I'm still not so sure. Guess I feel so strongly about him that I can't believe he doesn't feel the same. Guess time will tell but it doesn't look so good. I'm really depressed about this one.

Sharyn, let it go.... Too late now to do anything, just let it be. Just look at it, his lose! c'est la vie. He is not interested "enough" (so u feel better)but please if he calls you, be nice but tell him you are too busy at the moment, to call you at another time.

Don't let a guy ruin your good day, and please have a good one! :)

Maybe this guy really is stressed out and traumatized by his daughter having cancer and his consuming work commitments, etc. My friend had a daughter with an aggressive type cancer and she was almost bedridden and unable to hardly function during the time her daughter was undergoing treatment. She really needed lots of support from family and friends. I hate to defend him for not calling because he really might be a superjerk, but maybe you should consider his life ordeals right now and what he really might be going through mentally.

Those freaks don't call because they don't really want to. It's as plain and simple as that MOST of the time! Girls, don't waste your time on those idiots. AND, if they do call and you really want to talk to them, let your message machine answer the call and don't call them back for AT LEAST 2 days! Let them know that you aren't just sitting stagnant waiting around for them to call you. Act happy and busy and really do get out and have fun and meet new people. Anyone as thoughtless as some of those asses don't really deserve the time of day but if you do insist on seeing them, make them work for your attention and time. DON'T BE THAT AVAILABLE!

This is true of all humans, not just relationships between men and women. My friends of the same gender call me more often when I don't call them. My friends of the opposite gender call me more often when I don't call them. People are basically evil by nature.

When me and my boyfriend start dating it was going so fine and romantic. We see each usually on weekends. He use to call me every single day. He even use to call like 3 times a day at his job just to say how much he loves me. We have been dating for about a year and now it seems a little diferent. we still see each other, but usually he hasent call that often as he use to. I am actually the one who always call him just to hear his voice because usually when i dont hear his voice i get so depressing and angry wondering why he hasen't called. when i ask him why he always say that he has been too busy at work. right now i am really scared about our realtionship because i dont even know if i should believe him. I just dont want to loose him.

Trust me, ladies, if he does not call, he is not interested. Yes, there are exceptions, but for the most part, this is true. We all know that men are ascertive and go for what they want. If he wants you, he won't mind picking up the phone to call. Especially if he knows how important this is to you. Matter of fact, he'll make it his business to call you.
Just remember, if you are not hearing from your so called man, he just ain't into you. Be strong, get over it, move on.

>We all know that men are ascertive and go for what they want. >

-and women are passive sex objects happiest when cooking or cleaning up after their husbands, right?

Nit picking? Maybe, but sweeping generalizations like that are EXACTLY WHY men and women say that they cant understand eachother (one of the primary reasons, at least). Its like watching anime to try and figure out whats wrong with the world, or reading a harlequin romance novel to understand the reality of being in a relationship. We are all unnique individuals who have a core depth germ that is pretty much the same. Because of that uniqueness coupled with the common bond one can relate to anyone, but assume nothing about them. Theres a warning regarding statistics and demographics that says "When you refer to a group you say nothing about an individual- they are two unrelated subjects"
<3 REVSCRJ

Hey, I really like this site but how about hearing some guy's opinions as to some of the prior problems that the girl's have written. Are there any guy's out there who have some intelligent input on why these guy's respond as they do?

Thats what I have been trying to do.
<3 REVSCRJ

PS: -begin selfpromoting plug-
I wrote an article in response to this called "Why they don't call" which is a bit more blunt in its statement of things than my forum posts. --end selfpromoting plug-

OK, so after 18 months of dating and seeing each other almost every day and certainly calling each other several times a day. All of a sudden hes sick and cancells a Saturdat night date. Ok, no problem, everyone has their days, but if I were sick i would want him over here taking care of me. No goodnigt call on Saturday, so I call him Sunday afternoon, he really did sound sick so I asked him to call me later he says OK but guess what? No freakin call. Now today is Monday and I'm not about to reach for that phone. I dont understand, atleast an I'm feeling better or not feeling better pone call or an I'm still alive. Oh yeah, he hasn't signed on his computer since Friday. Whats up with that? Am I just freaking out or could someone actually fake a sickness because they had other plans? I keep imagining him with someone else, thats why he wont call. I cant freakin stand it. Why are we this way?

Wowowowowow, 18 months together and u just complain now, well that's a record.... But in my eyes if he is lying to you he found someone new!!! So let it be and don't get mad get even! LOL don't call him anymore (I know harder said that done)and go on with your life!!! That's all folks!!! LOL Gosh I have not seen many posting in a while, r men calling more often nowadyas? My phone still not ringing! LOL I better start calling myself soon!! ;)

I think some of you girls are very insecure and have low self-esteem. That is why you are depending so much on a guy's call to make you happy. Do you really just have to talk with them every single day? The guys know this and back off when you cling. Try to be a little more independent and have more of a life on your own. Find things that you really like to do and focus more on something other than your boyfriend. The guys will find you more interesting.

That response is so typical of a man who just doesn’t get it. I know that I can’t speak for the whole of woman-kind, but I’m willing to bet that most of those who have posted on this site are bright, witty, interesting women who lead very full lives. It’s not that they are sitting by the phone waiting for their man to ring. They are not looking for a man to make them happy. They are probably really annoyed at themselves, that they are letting this affect them so much when they know it shouldn’t. I reckon that in most cases, the man has led her to think that he will contact her in some way. If he then doesn’t get in touch, it is plain rude. And it makes her think that he is not thinking about her and is not as interested. She then doesn’t want to call him in case she appears too clingy, which leads to the game playing that so many people resent.

The thing is, when a woman meets a man that she likes, she thinks about him a lot. She may go about her daily business as normal, but he is always there in her mind. She wants to talk to him all the time. She wants to share things with him, discuss things with him, call him up out of the blue just to tell him something funny that she heard. So no, they don’t have to talk with their man every day, but it sure would be nice. Do you say that people who speak to their friends or their parents or their siblings every day are insecure and have low self-esteem? It is just nice to be in touch with the people that you care about.

You can see by the number of people who have written comments here that this isn’t restricted to a few insecure women. There are stories here that obviously come from women of different ages, in different situations, writing in different places. Some of these women have just gotten together with someone, some have been with their partners for a long time. This is a universal problem!

I just want to say thank you to everybody who has posted. I recently met someone that I really like, and it’s been driving me nuts that somebody that I think is wonderful seems to have a complete mental block when it comes to picking up the phone. He seems perfectly happy to go a few days without speaking to me, whilst I’m there thinking “why isn’t he calling me? Is he mad at me? Did I do something? Has he met someone else?” I don’t want to plan my phone calls with military precision – I called him yesterday and the day before so I can’t call him again today or he’ll freak out and think I’m stalking him – I hate all that bullshit. I know that I should just chill, but I’m a woman, I over-analyse, that’s what we do! I found this site and read through every single comment and it made me feel so much better. It helps to know that I’m not alone.

Guys, we know you are busy. The reason that we know is because we are busy too. A call a day is not going to kill you, and it will make your other half very, very happy.

Perhaps it is a socialized masculine trait, but I read the last bit of your post and thought "I hope I never come to the point that I refer to someone as 'my other half'"

I like being a whole being, personally, but 'to each their own'

<3
revscrj

I really liked your comments. They are SO TRUE! I have had the same feelings and phone experiences with guys waiting days to call me. Have any of you read "The Rules" book? I was reading, "The Rules II" and found some of their advice interesting. Although it is playing games, maybe some games are needed when you're first dating. Any comments?

I apreciate the concerns of the women here. I as a guy think that a guy in LOVE, not LUST, WILL in fact call you. He might just call you too much. I really feel that most relationships are not based on love, but rather lust. A man in lust may call a lot in the beginning, he's on a mission and wants to "get" some. The excitment that comes from dating a sexually attractive woman is also motivation enough to call, but this motivation does not last long especially after the guy has had sex with you. Now if he has any kind of heart he feels guilty doing anything romantic with you, cause he knows he's using you.

When I'm in love, my primary concern is I'll call too much. Part of being in love means you always want to be around the person and guees what...calling them is the next best thing. Think about it...that's what attraction means. You are ATRACTED..or drawn to the person. So if you can't see them, then you want to talk to them. If you're attraction is only to thier body, then you don't want to talk to them unless it's cleverly disguised "booty call".

My question to you women is why don't YOU call? Why would you talk everyday with a guy online...always take his calls...always be available...then go on one date. Clearly have a good time....then disapear of the face of the earth?

You say: Cause she does'nt LIKE you!!

I say: Then since we are not kids in highschool, why does she not find a clever, but yet honest way to SAY SO!!?? Is she insulting me by saying I'm not man enough to take the rejection from a woman I don't even know if I want to take further yet??

I'm always the moture communicator in the relationship, I say what's on my mind and you don't have to guess. Women on the other hand believe the VERY childish "hint". It's WAY too hard to find a good woman for me to be ASSUMING anything. If you don't tell me you are not interested, then I have to assume you still are.

How about this? I was thinking that moving forward I should have some first date rules. I'm going to assume any woman I meet is too immature to be striaght forward, so I'll tell her that at the end of the date I will tell her how I feel(If I want to date again..etc). But I will NOT pursue her..I will tell her, she has to either say "Yes I feel the same way" or "No I don't" or she has to call ME! The rule will be either you tell me you want me to call you or I won't...and you'll never hear from me.

What do you think?
junk@gordonvideo.com

if he doesn't call you alot then he's not that into you. you girls deserve better than guys who never call, right? not all guys do the not calling thing. don't play games because it does more harm than good. he picks up on it every time u 'test' him and is that any way to build trust? not calling ALWAYS works. you have to be really cooly aloof about it. let him know you like him, but don't cling to him. have your own life and he will come to you. trust me :)

okay I will try to keep this short but its kinda a long story, I have been seeing this guy for 6 months I am 27 and he is 26 we are classified as friends with benefits no strings or commitments. he has never really called all that much I usually call him and sometimes I will call or text him and he won't return my calls so I will leave a few messages over the next couple of days and then he will call and say he was busy. once I decided to take a stand against this bad phone etiquette and I did not call him for three weeks and guess what he never called so I called him in a (moment of weakness), and it only rang like half a ring and he picked it up, now keep it in mind that I do not call that often only once or twice a week sometimes I will just text sexual little messages with no response required, which takes the pressure off him to call and I dont expect a response so I am not waiting by the phone so when I do call and ask that he call me back I expect him to, I dont ask much of him. I had asked him why he did not call me back during the three weeks that we did not speak and he said he wanted to keep things on the right level in other words he wants to make sure neither of us gets to involved (what is that)? so this time I am not sure I want to keep dealing with this constant self doubt he makes me feel, now don't get me wrong I am not insecure and I know I'm beautiful but that does not mean that when the man you love is disreguarding your feelings your not gonna feel crappy about it. I do love him but I don't like our arrangement anymore but I am to afraid to tell him that I am afraid he will stop talking to me. and I am not that kind of person normally but with him I am so shy and quiet. but anyway the last time I talked to him was when he came over and we had sex. I have not heard from him since I did not try to call him for 4 days but I did send the usual text saying that I had fun and he was great as usual. but on day four when I called he did not answer I left a message and he did not return so I called the next day and I said call me and let me know what your doing Friday, still no call I called again the next day and said that my pet peeve is when people do not call me back so make sometime and call me. but I said it light and friendly, but still no call and I have not called today but I really want to and say why aren't you calling me? like any answer he would give would make me feel better, but what do you guys make of this cause I'm at a loss? I want to give up but then I think god no I cant give up I cant loose this game, I cant get over this rejection it will crush me, (lol) do y'all think he just does not want to talk to me anymore? I am so tired of this hot and cold - cat and mouse game. but I do get why guys do it. they know girls will chase them, its human nature to want what you cant have, and if a guy was always calling us he would loose serious cool points cause whether we admit it or not we all want a manly man, well I'm ranting now. thanks for listening and I need to stop acting so pathetic before all of my friends stop hanging out with me. LOL but It's really hard especially when you are so obsessed with someone that you would sell your soul for a little love from him or at least one stinking phone call.

sorry so long

>friends with benefits no strings or commitments.

As casual as that classification sounds it is BY FAR more difficult than commited relationships insofar as 'keeping it healthy' goes- as the rest of your post demonstrates, no offense intended. It is just that you had apparently tied strings otherwise you wouldnt have be willing to "sell your soul for a phonecall" (yes I know that was a joke but it was a telling one)

>wanted to keep things on the right level in other words he wants to make sure neither of us gets to involved (what is that)?>

That, Chrissy, is a flashing red warning sign. If someone says that they are very likely scared of something regarding commitment. Trust their instincts- it may be entirely inside them, but something that is still worthy of their fear.

>I am not sure I want to keep dealing with this constant self doubt he makes me feel,>

Geeze Chrissy, thats not just a string you tied to him- its a freaking noose! Provide your own selfworth, even when regarding those you love- er, that is- are 'friends with benefits no strings or commitments' with.

>I don't like our arrangement anymore but I am to afraid to tell him that I am afraid he will stop talking to me.>

Sorry to say, but you are correct. That is a definite possibility, but love kept hidden or unrequited but emotionally active quickly becomes a cancer inside oneself if it is let to be that way for too long. Best that you find the answer from him and get on w/ life however it gets altered by it.

>why aren't you calling me? like any answer he would give would make me feel better, but what do you guys make of this cause I'm at a loss?>

My guess: he sensed your elevated anxiousness regarding unspoken issues and recoiled. THATS JUST A GUESS THOUGH- there are many possible less insensitive potentials too.

>I want to give up but then I think god no I cant give up I cant loose this game,>

Its not a game.

>I cant get over this rejection it will crush me, (lol)

Thats why its not a game, despite your 'lol'

>its human nature to want what you cant have,

Thats a misinterpetation. Human nature is to better oneself, ,grow, and evolve w/ as little pain and toil as possible- which often means getting the unposessed, but not necsessarily.

>I need to stop acting so pathetic before all of my friends stop hanging out with me.>

That would be reason #10 on the top 10 list on why one should act less pathetic, yes.

>so obsessed with someone that you would sell your soul for a little love from him or at least one stinking phone call.>

Statements like that make my legs twitch for want of running the opposite direction of the speaker even when they aren't directed at me...

Good luck
<3 REVSCRJ

Well I wrote that at 3:00 am and what I meant by people want what they cant have is that old Groucho Marx saying I don't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member. and I am glad you got my humor and I use it to lighten up real feelings so you are right about allot of the things you said, and to be honest I am not really mad at him and I don't hate him because he always told me how it was he did not try to deceive me.I knew going into this relationship he did not want anything more he told me he was not ready for a serious relationship with anyone but I thought maybe I would be enough for him to fall in love with. and although I do not like the way things are going I have to admire his honesty because he could very easily of led me on. so anyway I did not call him today and he did not call me either, maybe he will but I wont hold my breath.

>I am not really mad at him ...I knew...he did not want anything more...but I thought maybe I would be enough for him to fall in love with.>

You sound resigned, and that makes me feel hollow- damn empathy. This hurts me because your 'fault' was allowing love to grow in a place where there was no want for it so as would be expected it got plowed under one day. That is sad to me, in a a+b=c cause and effect sort of way.

>I did not call him today and he did not call me either, maybe he will but I wont hold my breath.>

-which is the best of routes at this point. You handle this very maturely, congrats, that seperates you from 70% of the species.

take care
<3 revscrj

girls if he does not call always just remember think of him fondly---as an asshole.. (lol) but I have been thinking about all of our obsessing and crying and I wonder why we do it I know we cant help it but why don't guys get this way? or maybe they do they just hide it and we tell all

Thanks rev that was nice what you said.. but I do not think I am handling it as well as I should.. I am still obsessing and I really want to know if he is mad at me, or if he is done talking to me, or if he is busy and I am not a priority to him. I think maybe I could start to get over it if I knew what was going on.. I know this other guy who really wants to take me out.. he seems really nice and respect full and he is good looking....I know I would really like him if I weren't so hung up on my current guy, so if I knew that it was over between us then I could pursue this other possibility. do you think maybe he is starting to have feelings for me and that is scary for him? that's what my friends say but I believe girls should not take advise from friends.. they are just as screwed up as you..Thanks for the comments. lol

Sorry, this is going to be a long post as well…I am in a similar situation with a guy I met four months ago. We’ve been honest with each other all along about how we felt about each other. He says his last girlfriend broke his heart and he isn’t ready to be in a relationship. I said that we get on very well and we should just get to know each other and have fun and see how things went.

We see each other a couple of times a week, and email and chat on the phone a bit. I get annoyed because I feel like I’m always the one to ring him or to suggest meeting up. I’ve never been in this situation before. I’m usually very easy going and have loads of guy and girl friends and a busy life and all that stuff. But it is so, so, so hard to stop obsessing when you like a guy. I bore myself so god only knows how fed up my friends are. Sometimes I wish that I could switch my mind off for few days just so I could stop thinking about this.

So anyway, after many, many sleepless nights, much ranting to my poor friends and an embarrassing amount of moping around and not being able to concentrate on anything, I finally decided to just tell him. It took me about three attempts and a little vodka to get up the nerve, but I’m glad I did because I think I made him understand why it upset me that we were so intimate one minute (and not just sex, but really close and confiding in each other about really personal stuff) and then I didn’t hear anything from him the next. It wasn’t the declaration of undying love that I was hoping for, but at least we cleared things up. Maybe you should sit him down for a chat and let him know how you feel. It may well scare the beejaysus out of him and make him run a mile. However, I think that even (or especially) in a friends-with-benefits situation, there needs to be a few ground rules. One of them is that you’re honest, or you’ll go loopy. You’re still “friends” right, so there needs to be some respect. If one of the things that you need is a little bit of phone contact to let you know that he remembers that you’re alive, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

With me, a major issue is that I’m not happy with the relationship in its present form. What do I do? Will him calling me more make me feel better when I suspect that he’s only doing it because I asked him to? I do really, really like him and he says he likes me, but what if things are like this for months and months? Maybe I should just end it now before I end up getting really hurt, what do you guys think?

you sound alot like me as far as your emotions..and I wonder the same thing, if he calls more would I be happy or would I go on to the next thing that bothers me about the relationship? My friends are also sick to death of hearing about this guy. but sometimes you just need to talk or you will go crazy, if you want to chat more with me you can E-mail me at christinawest07@yahoo.com

i have been seeing this guy for a while. we live a thousand miles apart. he used to call me several times throughout the day. he always made sure that he spoke to me before going to bed each night. the first thing he would do when he woke up in the morning is call me. i noticed that during the last two weeks, his calls have become infrequent. last saturday he didn't call me until 6 PM. this saturday he didn't call at all. i haven't talked to him in two days. it is driving me crazy. has he lost interest in me? he no longer enjoys talking to me? all these thoughts run through my mind then everything is all better when the phone rings. i am too dependent on his calls.

>i have been seeing this guy for a while. we live a thousand miles apart. he used to call me several times throughout the day.>

That borders on neurosis level chit chatting, but it is a long distance relationship (on the concept on that: I have never seen a long distance commited relationship that wasnt the equivolent of saying to the universe "Here are my emotional testicles, could you kick them repeatidly for awhile?") ... and anyway who am I to judge?

>i noticed that during the last two weeks, his calls have become infrequent.

Perhaps he ran out of things to say..
There are other possibilities: 1. he is busy 2. he is frustrated with the seperation inherent to your relationship 3. he has found someone else 4. his phone bill is getting way too large 5. absence has not made his heart grow fonder 6. he doesnt realize that he 'needs to call you' as much as he had been or 7. something else

>last saturday he didn't call me until 6 PM. this saturday he didn't call at all.>

Ask him why.

> everything is all better when the phone rings.

Amazing how differently we view the telephone. When I hear the phone ring I almost invariably think "Goddamnit!"

>i am too dependent on his calls.

Yes. You are. Problem realized: now change it.
(not as if I got any place to say what you should do, but if it were me and I came to the same conclusion I would try to fix it- but I am by no means any saint or role model)

<3
REVSCRJ

Ok...this is going to be like my little diary. It's only been a week now since we've met but have spoken to each other long before that through the internet. He told me he wants me as his girlfriend and he is looking for a serious relationship hinting several times eventually with me. He won't call me though. He sometimes even asks me to call him at a certain time then he never answers the phone. I already told him I love hearing his voice. I think maybe things started off too fast intimately. I'm feeling very insecure. He has told me he thinks I'm very controlling and insecure. I do believe that maybe he's into me...maybe not too in to me and that's why he's not calling. I promise myself for now on that I'm not going to be intimate with him again because of how I'm feeling right now. Thanks to all the other ladies who are going through the same thing and submitted what has happened to them.

"I promise myself for now on that I'm not going to be intimate with him again because of how I'm feeling right now......"

Nancy, u may not have another opportunity.. Don't we know any better than sleep with a man right away? They like a challange... Remember the HUNT! Well, I am assuming u slept with the guy since u mentioned it that u got intimate too fast...

So live and learn... There are so many games, so many rules, and most people (men and women)say they don't like games nor rules but then we all do them. One of the games is the phone calls and one of the rules is no sex right away, unless u know that the most likely probability is u won't hear ur phone ring if u r an easy prey....

So good luck next time, and remember actions speak louder than words. So don't assume that him saying he is looking for a serious girlfriend he was refering to u.

I am still waiting for my phone to ring...... :):)

Hey, best of luck next time.

I started dated a guy last month. He is 25 and I am almost 35. We really hit it off well and I felt he was really into me and I have started getting really into him. Then last week he has been acting aloof and I keep thinking it is because he just moved to a college town and started school, started a new job etc... He is only 40 minutes away from where I live so we were seeing eachother on the weekends. I dont feel I was getting too emotional with him although one night out we were drinking and I think I told him I loved him which may had freeked him out but I appoligized for the emotional out burst the next day. Anyway, the other night, I called him and was a bit tippsy on wine and really wanted to talk about our relationship and Im not sure all that I said but I do remember him saying that he thinks I like him 70% more than he likes me and that just made me feel sad and wasnnt sure how to take that so I asked if we could talk later since I knew I was drinking I should wait until my head was clear. Well I havent heard from him and I feel I should call or email or somthing. He was in the Military also and I feel he has enough strength to just forget about it. I am confussed because he gave me alot of signs that he liked me. Is it because he is too young to know what to do? Help!

what a welcome relief this post site is...thought I was losing my mind...short story - amazing man, dating just a few months, both of us out of painful relationships, he said just last week that I'm the "kind of woman who comes along once in a lifetime" and that he was kind of intimidated...then boom, no calls and I find out he's hitting on girls at a personals site. Whaa??? There is definitely something about this guy that said "keeper" when I first met him, but I gotta tell ya his hesitation to initiate calls and emails is a huge Turnoff. Why ladies are guys this way? Note: I was married a long time and getting back in the dating pool, it hits me right in the face how different the "calling rules" are. Before I got married, One simply Did Not Call Men unless one was desperate lol - when did that unwritten rule change?
Feeling prehistoric, but glad to know there's intelligent life here. PS - with mr. hot guy, it seems if I Don't call, he gets scared and won't call me...are these just girly-men??? so bizarre - bless us all :)

hey Aberdeen, maybe it will help you to know, my guy is a lot younger than me, too, and one thing he said he was "intimidated" by is the age difference...he is ex-military and I find it hard to believe he would be intimidated by a little girl who just wants love like all God's children, but be that as it may...BTW, don't worry about using the L-word with him after imbibing a little liquid courage - it's apparently such a common thing that Cosmo magazine had an article some time back on how to recover from it gracefully, it said guys don't really get as hung up on it as we do and may not even remember it, and it suggested doing just what you did by blowing it off. hey maybe he was so sloshed he thought he was dreaming - he should be so lucky :) This website is already doing good...it's distracted me for the last 30 minutes from emailing mr. scaredy cat. I'm doing rescue work for the hurricane away from my state, and you'd think he might be the slightest bit worried about me...sheesh

Thanks for the input Lawgirl. It was helpful to hear someone say that saying the L-word is a natural human thing. He still has not called and I am struggling for some sort of resolution or movement here on this. I feel so lost in what was said that i feel i should email or call and just see what happens. I dont know. I hope your man called you.

you're welcome, Aberdeen, glad to be of help to a kindred spirit. I'm going with no on the whether you should call or email thing, right now anyway. For one thing, he's got a lot of new stuff going on in his life with the move and work that it sounds like he needs to process. Also, it sounds as if you were last to call, so the ball would be in his court. Again drawing on my time in the trenches, my guy did that disappearing act about a month into our getting together too...just totally backed out. I just about climbed the walls wanting to call, write, get an answer but by some superhuman feat I held off Totally for Six Weeks. Then one day as I was cleaning and not thinking much about him, I see his email address in my inbox, apologizing etc. When we got together (after I had him wait another two weeks) was when I got the "once in a lifetimeblahblahintimidatedblahblah" explanation. That's why I'm cool with his need for emo distance, or at least a little more so than I was the first time around. I think it's all about keeping loving energy back and forth - not obsessional gotta talk grabby grabby energy (I hold the black belt in that)but unconditional do your own thing you know my no. I was the last to call have a nice life you are loved and free kind of energy. It seems to be what works best for me. Of course it doesn't hurt to strike up a few male friendships at the same time - you don't have to be the village 'ho, just male companionship to take that energy away from obsess mode. usually when someone does something hurtful like backing off or being a meanie, it comes from fear (more energy talk again) does that make sense? sorry for the ramble, it seems to be therapeutic for me too :) (otherwise I'd be looking in my email box...) soldier on!

hi Ab, well my guy sent a wonderful email this am saying how much he missed me (shocker). I offer this just to show you that all things come around with time b/c if any relship looked doomed it was ours... but they say true love never runs smooth, and so I know your guy will come around as well with time and realize what he's missing. I'll be praying for that for you. I think if more guys knew that sweet messages (from the heart and not from the line book)make women more in the mood for s-e-x then there would be way more sweet messages...ya think?

Hey Ab, Lawgirl and Nancy. I can totally sympathize with what you gals are going through. I, too, have found myself in similar predicaments.

I remember once asking this guy who seemed to be so interested in me why the "excitement" fizzled. His response. Verbatim, (and please excuse the language) "the HUNT is better than the CUNT". I remember standing there, with this dumb look on my face thinking, did he just say that? Did he seriously just say that? Yup, add that to the list of reasons why I will need several hundreds of thousands dollars of therapy in the coming years.

And please don't blame yourself for getting physical with a guy in a short period of time. Life is too short for regrets. If it felt right in the moment and if you were safe, so be it.

That said, I am a true romantic and believe that there is someone out there for everyone. You may not fall in love this month or even this year. You may have to go through what seems like a life time of heartache. And, you may even have to break a few hearts yourself but when you do find love and by love I mean, that hard-pounding-knees-quivering-sweaty-palms-I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-right-now type of love, it will make everything that you had to go through worth it.

And don't think I have forgotten about you gents. I know that many of you have gone through similar situations.

Hang in there all.

Guys don't call because they don't like you as much as you like them. If they did, you would be wondering if the phone will ever stop ringing.

hi again, all, thanks Green Gold & White for that great input "hunt better than the c****" is Priceless :). as for my guy he has suddenly overcome his phone-ophobia and now i can't get the guy to stop calling, once i reassured him that i was interested. The neat thing is that it is so hot with him that his excessive calling is not a turnoff (note to self: it seems guys have self-esteem issues too - who knew ?:) ding-a-ling's comments speak to the conventional wisdom from back in the day and so have some merit, but i'm finding that the new generation hotboys Really need more of a two-way street on the showing interest thing. just want to encourage everyone, if my muscled out musclehead came around yours can too - let this be a cautionary tale about not buying into negative mindsets and not equating the level of his interest with how often the phone rings, or doesn't. he and I are sharing a computer now so I may not be back, but best of luck and Love to you all !

LawGirl you rock! my guy did exactly the samething but you are so right that these newbie hotties seem to need reassurance. like aberdeen said is he too young to know what to do, i think you are exactly right. i also have a younger guy and i think there is a definite intimidation factor in their heads when it comes to actually being taken seriously by an older woman - am i glad i found this site, my man was doing the shrinking man routine too and i just refused to believe it was about us and, it was all about him and his fears. this site is better than chocolate.

If you like someone it should be okay to call right. So my guy called every single time until he got me to open up. Now he call's whenever it's okay for him. So i ignored him and then he called and called and all was back to normal. Now we are back to square one so I gotta let the man go.....No time for games.

I am not going out with this guy but we do talk and so ahould I still worry about his call and not answer him or will that turn him away!! helps

Hi Girls, the way I was raised, I was not supposed to pursue a guy: you know- "the hunt is important." Now in Europe and Arabia, I found that men assumed responsiblity for pursuing the woman (especially in the Middle East) and the tacit rules seemed clear, but boy oh boy, in N. America something is really different. I find that the girsl here chase the guys with phoning and obsessing and the guys don't have to do anything. It's a role reversal, it seems. I don't feel feminine in the purusit role; more desperate really. I think N. American men are use to women calling them and them being the focus instead of the other way around. I suggest you go to UAE or Europe and find a real man and let these football, hockey, basketball lovers play with themselves: believe me girls, N. American men are like prepubecents who are more interested in themselves than women.

I am back, we have seen eachother since my last email but not much has come out of anything since then.When I pick up the phone and call him after a week of not, he is nice and acts like we talked yesterday. He has not called me once since we went out to this show 2 weeks ago, we were like a couple that night holding hands and all that stuff. I have called him a time here and there just to let him know I am still around, if in fact he is intimidated by my age, who knows. He is very busy working in the evenings and going to school during the week, and then homework so I fully understand he just dosn't have the time for me. When I called him today, I joked around a bit and threw a ,"so when will I ever see you again?" He said Thanksgiving because his friends that I met and went out with a few times were doing a dinner and I was invited. I started to laugh and said, "thats a month away" and played it lightly thinking maybe he was kidding. He asked If i remember his friends and thought that was a dumb question of course I do. It's like he has memory disorder or just has too many things going on and perhaps other women, I dont know, that he wont remember or even think of me. I am obviously not important in his life and he is starting to not be important to me but I do miss him and what we started out doing, its like it all just stopped. I see other men but no one compares to how attracted I am to him. I don't get anyone confussed in my head either. I remember who is who and what we have done and where we have been. Anyway, I think this one will just fade off. I am planing to move away this Spring to Seattle so maybe this bothers him and he wont get close. If so, why wouldn't he just tell me.? ug!

>N. American men are like prepubecents who are more interested in themselves than women>

So by this you are infering that its better to be more interested in sex/relationships than in the growth/understanding/developing of one's self?

That strikes me as truly unhealthy, and a REALLY BAD THING to validate.

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REVSCRJ

Nikki, your praising of European men remind me of an article I saw on TheOnion: hxxp://www.theonion.com/content/node/34198 (switch the xx with tt).

Also Nikki, you must have no idea of the laws of America. How about this: you do some research on American society before and after feminism blew into the scene. You'll find out there's a HUGE difference between how men and women acted now and then. That's right, I'm blaming feminism and modern symbolization of male emasculation on why men are the way they are today.

One final thing: if women start going to foreign countries, fine, go ahead. Men are going to foreign countries too, to find a REAL woman and not a horrible man and/or parasite that N. American women are today. But before you leave the country, try losing a few hundred pounds and that attitude of yours, because I'm sure men in other countries won't tolerate your princess complex with a 200+ pound body.

Can a man be so preoccupied with life that even if he cares he does not have the time to call? I read the book "He is not that much into you" but I still wonder, is he interested a bit if he calls once in a while or is it just out of courtesy?

We are just getting to know each other. I met him 3 weeks ago. He calls every other day or so and we have discussed going out but nothing has materialized, so I am wondering what's going on... (BTW he has no wife nor g/f, I know it for a fact)

I hope I get lots of feed back...

Thanks,

Alondra

hey sheri- did you read that book? i too got set up... went out with the guy.. had a great time... seemed like he possessed ALL of the qualities i'm looking for. i am super picky. He WAS definitely very interested and after the second date, I met all of the friends. Friends said they approved... he was flirty and said he was so happy that we got set up. it's been 3 weeks and i haven't heard from him. i don't let myself read into things... so i am very cautious about getting my hopes up, but apparently i made a mistake. i am now just pissed to be honest. it is teaching me not to trust what guys say. sad isn't it?!

I tend to think that most people are not untrustworthy for reasons of contemptible nature, moreover that they lack the selfawareness to make any real predictions about themselves or their future behaviors.

Sad? Yeah, I suppose.
<3 REVSCRJ

Hey I am writing to and guess what its 2010. The problem still exist. I have decided not to call my friend. He lied last night and told me he was going to call and he didn't. He stood me up Saturday and didn't answer the phone I decided to answer my phone after 4 days am glad I found this site. This is really Day 5 of it not calling because he dosen't have a job, car, or woman now so I am not losing anything this site has helped because alot of people posted their thoughts I hope someone read this Im not gonna call because I know my future boyfriend is gonna be so much better and I don't need to waste another minute with the unemployed fool I need to save myself for my new friend or husband whenever he comes. Phone calls will not be an issue.