Scooby Doo Stuff

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really all about. As I've gotten older, it has become more clear to me what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

What We Remember:
Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sort--and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people. [Lemon curry???]

The Truth:
Four high-school dropouts and thier sentient dog ride around the country in their psychodelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery. It may be a little hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence... Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner', i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole. And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time. The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world--they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however..

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go solve the case' by themselves. It's no real mystery what these two are really doing--they're getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery to me though, is why he always wore that stupid carf around his neck. And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you thing Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby. So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and while all the while looking for the perfect 'hit'. If we had only known these things when we watched this cartoon as children...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Scooby Doo

Scooby was a stoner. He would work the slide on Shaggy's bong when they would pull tubes in the back of the Mystery Machine. Scooby may also have taken shrooms.

Shaggy

Well, just look at him. Baggy clothes, pale skin, goatee, crackly-voice and excessive munchies (he and Scooby both). Judging from Shaggy's gaunt figure, I gather he also is into heroin. As Dave Letterman would say, he's "wacky on the junk". DEFINITIVE PROOF: Constant munchies by both Shaggy and Scooby; excessive giggles, the episode where Shaggy puts fish food on his sandwich

[Lemon curry???]

Velma

Possibly cocaine. Cocaine is (supposedly) a powerful aphrodisiac. The episode with Don Knotts comes to mind: After being trapped in a hole, Scooby finds a way out. Velma immediatly turns to Freddy, wraps her arms around his shoulders, and begins to lift her mouth to his.**I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP** Unfortunately, the shot cuts away and we are left with a sense of mystery deeper than the ones in the plots. I say speed because she looks like a worn out college student; her parents fought for her success, pushing her too far. She feels that she must impress her parents, but solving mysteries all night makes her exhausted, hence the use of speed.

Daphne

Diet pills. Have you ever seen how skinny the girl is? Perhaps cocaine as well, but this is based only on the fact that she is rich and wears a scarf.

Freddy

Cocaine. Most definitly. The clean cut image; the white sweater, blue pants, SCARF wore around neck, neatly combed hair and strong jaw all suggest that he is a major coke head. Freddy may also be a part time dealer, judging from the fact that none of the gang works, and yet they drive around in a conversion van with a custom paint job.

Secondary Characters:

Scrappy

If any drug, I would definitly say caffeine. These massive amounts of caffeine which Scrappy ingested (off camera, of course), led to his over-all annoying characteristics and hyper-activity, with a feeling he could take on the world.

Scooby-Dumb

Scooby-Dumb hailed from the country. He obviously dipped into the moonshine, more than likely having his own still. He also partook in the harvesting of hallucinogenic mushrooms, perhaps, as he lived in a rural area where mushrooms were probably quite abundant.

The Villains In Every Episode

Impure LSD or other brain-damaging drugs. Why else would the run around, steal things, laugh like freaks, dress up in outrageous costumes, and think it no big deal when a TALKING DOG and a group of meddling kids interfered with their master plans?

The Cops in Every Show

This one is easy; donuts and Jack Daniels, probably every detective on the series carried a little flask with them in their breast pocket.

As far as I know, this is the most difinitive analysis of its kind on the Internet. Their is a Top Ten List as to why Scooby-Doo is a drug-related cartoon, but the facts are shallow and poorly analized.

[Lemon curry???]

The Theme Song for "The New Adventures of Scooby Doo"

With Comments By Seth (in brackets)

We got it all together for a brand new show![just released from failed re-hab centers]

Scooby-Doo is here and away we go [on a psychadelic trip, Scooby probably having at least a sheet of acid]

(Shaggy)While Scooby-Doo is runnin from a spooky ghost [a ghost only Scooby sees]

Shaggy is doin what he does the most! [smoke pot]

Hey, c'mon get involved, until the mystery is solved!

(Shaggy)Hang around for Scooby Doo!

Hey Scooby!

(Shaggy)Like where are you?

(Scooby) Over here! [here being a safe spot during acid trip: men's room stall, bedroom corner]

(Shaggy)That's my pal![drinking buddy]

(Scooby) Scooby-Dooby Doo [uses the word "dooby" in his own name; need I say more?]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Top Ten Reasons Why Scooby Doo Was a Drug Influenced Cartoon

10. Scooby and Shaggy were always being freaked out by ghosts and ghouls, but no one else saw them before Scooby and Shaggy.

9. Scooby and Shaggy always had the munchies.

8. Shaggy always thought Scooby was talking and was the only one who could hear him and understand him.

7. Scooby and Shaggy always fell into the trap that was intended for the monster because they were tripping over themselves and couldn't see where they were going.

6. They were always deluded and warped by thinking they were dressed up in some costumes and entertaining the monster.

5. Shaggy always said "like" to the extreme, i.e., "like ZOIKS, Scoob, let's get outta here!!" What's a zoik?

4. Scooby and Shaggy were always the ones in the back of the van (doing who knows what).

[Lemon curry???]

3. They drove around in the MYSTERY MACHINE, which had that weird trippy design on it's side.

2. Shaggy and Scooby were always giddy and laughing.

1. Look at Shaggy; the way he dressed, his goatee, etc., 'nuff said.

Dave Kaczanowski
dk94bb@sandcastle.cosc.brocku.ca, dave@sinister.ed.brocku.ca
http://sinister.ed.brocku.ca/~dave
"So he says, 'You've got legs, baby, YOU'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE!" The TMBWBAM