Ranting in my Soap-Box

I've never commented on ANYTHING else in CoN besides my own writing before, but when I got my latest issue in my in box and read Top 10 Reason's Why Men Are Scum... I had to say something. Now before I start, no need to worry that the attempt at humour was lost on me, it wasn't... it's just that these "issues" the author covers are NOT FUNNY...mainly because they're not issues. I'm up for some male bashin' anytime (I watch Evening at the Improv!)... but this was just sad.

Top 10 Reasons Men Are Scum

First of all, the fact that these are only the top 10 indicates that these tired stereotypes are just the beginning of a longer, larger problem that some poor, poor, bitter girl is harbouring. I wrote this list on a day when I was particularly mad with my boyfriend. Originally, it offended him, but eventually most guys I know confessed to the fact that it's all true. As for the girls, they agreed.

Okay, first of all the disclaimer is not needed. Who are the guys you showed this too? Are they characters on a Fox sitcom? And the girls, did you go to a battered woman's shelter or a bar on Church St. (a gay & lesbian area in Toronto).

10) The words, "I can't, I have to spend quality time with my girlfriend" are not in their vocabulary.

What is quality time? To me and my girlfriend, anytime we spend together is of quality. But hopefully that is not all it is, "quality time" is aimin' mighty low, I'd want good times, fun times, great times. Beyond that, it seems that the way the author has worded this, is that men should be saying this to others, you know, turning down a friend to enjoy a quality night with his girlfriend... if that's the case, then do you have to set aside a QUALITY NIGHT? eeesshh, if you do... sad, really.

9) They must eat like they're in a marathon-ALL THE TIME.

I've never run a marathon, but, I don't think there are many hotdog stands along the route... Gatorade maybe.

8) Violence can be more of a turn on than sex-need I say the word "wrestling"?

Later you complain that men are preoccupied with sex... hmmm oxyMORONIC? But we'll get back to that later.

7) They don't understand that women's hearts are frail and can be broken on a daily basis.

Did you know that 75% of Heart Attack sufferers are men?

6) They become a whole other person when they're "hanging with the guys".

Okay, I guess we should be the same in front of EVERYBODY...just like women, cause they never change how they act. When was the last time a woman was with her boyfriend and discussed the latest advancements in feminine protection or how "this thong underwear is soooo much more comfy than expected"?

5) They never get anything done-there's ALWAYS tomorrow.

Oh my GOD!!! All procrastinators listen up...YOU'RE SCUM!!

4) They change their minds more than women do hairstyles.

Is that a stereotype about women and their preoccupation with appearance? I think it is... tisk, tisk, tisk.

3) They wear the same dirty clothes day after day, but expect a woman to look fabulous all the time.

2) They claim a woman's figure means nothing to them, and then proceed to oggle slim girls with big boobs.

A woman's figure DOES mean nothing... it's not like a nice rack will change a guy's way of thinking... conversely, does Leo Dicaprio's tight little ass mean anything to any female out there?

And the #1 reason why all men are scum:

1) Sex seems to be their only thought and/or purpose in life, and they're just fine with that.

(see #8) What do you want? If we want to have sex, we're preoccupied with it, yet according to you we get aroused by wrestling, and don't want to have sex with you because of it! No wonder 75% of Heart Attack Sufferers are men.

Hi, my name is IMPROV and I suffer from Attention Deficiency Syn...