Pickles and ice cream: The Daily Journal of a Pregnasaurus

My day usually begins by trying to get my mammoth butt out of bed. After rolling from left to right, I finally get enough momentum and flop onto the floor. And when I finally manage to stand on my feet, Nature calls and I make a straight dash for the john. Yes, I am pregnant, and I'm here to share the joys of it all... heh heh...

"Pregnasaurus: (n) a woman whose stomach reaches massive proportions, and becomes aggravated easily and attacks at the first mention of "Dinner's On!" (name given by my friend Shannon)

I have been watching this show called "A Baby Story" for a few months, and it makes me gag every time. They portray a cutesy family where the woman is just "glowing", with the father saying "Oh, even though it wasn't expected, I am just SO happy about it!!"...bleech...and when she goes into labour she says "Oh! There's a contraction! How wonderful! I'm just so happy that the baby is coming out today!"...well, I am not thrilled about the baby coming out, and I'm sure as all hell that I'm not going to giggle when I feel my first contraction....I feel sorry for my hubby...because if he's going to be in the delivery room with me, it won't be his HAND I will be squishing between my tightened fingers! When are they going to show the woman swearing at the top of her lungs saying "You bastard!! If you ever come near me again with sex on your mind, I will tear off your testicles with my teeth and wear them as earrings!!"...Now that would be entertaining...>:) Do I hear all the men's anuses tightening?! heh heh heh...

Now now, don't get me wrong.... I love my hubby :), but with everyone telling me of the excrutiating events that are going to happen to me, I will probably swear left and right and yell out to the world that I will never have sex again...but maybe not, who knows. I have no idea how I will feel, but with all my friends and family telling me how they or their family members felt, I feel like if I don't try and threaten my hubby with each contraction, then I am somehow "inhuman".

I will be thankful when my stupid hormones finally give me some peace!! It's bad enough I'm a bitch with the whole damned PMS thing *don't worry guys, I'm not going into that...*, but now I feel like I have PMS all the time! For example...I am usually not a very emotional person (it takes a lot for me to cry), but one day I was watching this commercial where there was a Grandfather and Grandson eating breakfast, I think it was oatmeal? whatever... and the Grandfather had cerebral palasy and couldn't hold his spoon, so the Grandson said "Here Grandpa, I'll help you" or something to that affect. Now usually I would be laughing my ass off because he couldn't put the spoon to his mouth (I can be cruel, I don't deny it), but here I was, sobbing, saying outloud "That is so precious! What a beautiful moment! *bawl*" ..... I didn't stop crying for about an hour.... man! Is that pathetic or what?! I don't care if it's "common" to have uncontrollable mood swings, I hate 'em, I HATE 'EM!!

.....*loud rumble in the lower region*.....time to raid the fridge....where are those damned blasted pickles?! I can't have ice cream without pickles, do you HEAR ME?! *sigh*...only 4 months to go....