things that make no sense

It's finally over. I'm home. No more cheek-kissing, no more garlic breathing uncles asking you too many questions for your to answer with one breath of air, hugging relatives, sitting for hours at the dinner table listening to stories about the war that I hear every time everyone gets together. Next year I am going to tape what each individual person is going to say, and if a relative dies or something, all I have to do is put a dummy with a picture of their faces taped on it, and press play.
Voila`! Instant relative.

I'd like to know who is the guy that can't aim in the toilet. Everytime I enter the washroom, someone completely missed the hole, wetting the seat and the floor. What's the matter with this guy? Is the pressure too high and he can't control where he's aiming at?

My girlfriend is complaining that I don't call too often. Then she turns around and says that it's just the way she is, afraid that she is putting too much into the relationship and that she realizes that I give back in other ways.

"I'm sorry that this bugs you, but I am not exactly a phone person" I excused myself.

"Oh no, I understand. It doesn't bother me, honestly".

I guess that is why she is always pointing out the fact that I don't call too often.

She has promised to write an article on "Why guys never call".

My mother, like a good Italian woman, would give me a good beating when I deserved it. I think that it made me a better man, except for the severe brain damage. the day she decided to stop hitting me, was when I raised an arm to protect my face, and she broke her wrist against my bone. "Look what you've done to me!" she yelled at me afterwards.

Why can such a little woman like your mother scare you so much? Probably because she was big when I was litte. You know the story of the elephant, that when they are small, they have a small chain around their foot. At such a young age they are unable to break the chain. The same chain is used when they are older, hence bigger and stronger. Yet the elephant doesn't escape used to the fact that when it tried, the chain did not broke. It's all psychological, yeah. That's it. So this means I'm an elephant. God, this is great logic. I love being so intelligent.

Although at the office I sit in front of the computer all day doing the work assigned, translations, articles, reviews and updating the Italian pages, I will probably get fired soon for "doing nothing all day".

This was caused by the fact that I was only able to do some of all the extra work I was assigned. I guess this is what happens when you do work that no one notices, and you don't get any credit. The graphic artits on the other hand can do one image, taking the entire day, and because you can see their creation, then they must be doing something with the corporate time.