Greetings

Here in my second instalment of stupid things people say I'd like to focus in on some of the greetings we use very day.

I'll start with what I believe to be one of the most useless: "What d'you say?" The question (which is asked of my quite often by one co-worker) has many connotations to it. What do I say? WHAT DO I SAY? Christ...I say a whole lot of things, some might say a shitload (see first instalment). Let's see... I say certain words that form into sentences to explain thoughts, and try to make them concrete so your simple ass can conceive them!! Now I understand that this is just a common way of greeting somebody, much akin to "How are you doing?" I must admit I use this one quite often, and frankly really couldn't give two shits how that person is really doing. Realistically when I greet someone who is, less than a good friend lets say. (I wouldn't want this scenario though):

ME: Hey! How are you doing? HE: Well, to be truthful not that well, my cat just died. It was terrible really, some maniac from No Frills shot it with a sawed off shotgun. And on top of that I have this growth on my ass that the doctors say is gonna have to come off...although I've grown quite accustomed to sitting on a slant...yadda, yadda, yadda....

Needless to say that would be a nightmare. But in my line of work nightmares are a daily occurrence. There really isn't a classier group of people than BINGO players, is there?

My next greeting was made popular in high school, "Wuss up?" or "Whatz up?" (for the English speaking readers "What's up?") This one is commonly followed by the charming kissing of the teeth. In some advanced areas it can even get as deep as to label the person being greeted, example: "Wuss up, guy?" When faced with this question at my high school I was usually tempted to respond with:

1. "Your drug intake level."
2. "The amount of time you spend in remedial class."
3. "Your father's parole?"

My final greeting is a very specific situation. It is when someone answers the telephone by stating (the ever so witty), "Go ahead--it's your dime!". Well now, aren't we being the little rebel? We're staying away from the "normal" way to answer the phone. Nevermind the fact that it is really annoying, it's a saying that has been around since you could make a call for a dime!!

Oh well...I've vented, I feel better thanks for coming for the ride...see ya next week!!

/IMPROV