Readers' Letters

From: Hooman Shahlavi Date sent: Tue, 8 Jul 1997 12:50:10 -0500 (CDT) To: con@capnasty.org Subject: Re: Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine, II.27

Ciao Leandro:

Come te la passi? I read your little excerpt on inter-racial relationships and the problems related thereto, and I wonder if I may ask you a question. Is your girlfriend Asian or Middle- Eastern? These are the two cultures that are most known for arranged marriages. I think it may surprise you to know that many of these "arranged marriages" end up lasting a lifetime for some odd reason. I'm not condoning them in any way, but it's kind of ironic that we critize them since we live in a society that seems to treat marriage like sports contract (If I don't like this deal then I'm simply going to find another team to play for!) terminable at will. Being of Middle-Eastern origin, I have relatives who always tell me about a family that they know who has a daughter who they want me to meet. My response, however, is usually cynical and something to the effect of "How much of a finder's fee are you asking?".

Tanti Saluti,

Hooman Shahlavi

--[Editor's response]--

Dear Hooman,

my girlfriend is from an Indian background. Although I can understand the problem that some cultures have about inter-racial relationships, it is hard to control in a country like Canada where a large of variety of cultures interact everyday in the same city. Toronto is probably the only city that lacks one identity, because it adopted everyone elses. In a city like this you can't prevent two people from different backgrounds not to interact with each other just because of their differences. As for arranged weddings, I've seen many, especially now that I am in a more direct contact with this type of culture, that have failed. Those that remain are either because the daughter respects the father and doesn't want to go against his wish or because it is culturally accepted by the two partners. Even if they are not happy, they will still go on with their lives because this is the way they have been raised. The Italian culture is very similar to this, where divorces are rare, since it is believed that God has placed you in that situation, and you must deal with it (although it's probably changing now). I think that if a relationship is meant to work, it takes both partners and a great deal of love and patience for it to function. No matter if it's an arranged matrimony or one that was born from your heart.

Leandro+