Ministry of Public Safety and Anal Retention

"Ministry of Public Safety and Security, how can I help you?"

"Hi, this is in regards to my security pass which has been rejected at the renewal process. My name is Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro."

"Who rejected your pass?"

"It says here 'Mimi'"

"One second please."

o/~ oh you know that I love only you, baby, or some other corny music that will make you cringe, whoo, hooo, hoo, because I will lo--

"Mimi speaking."

"Hello. I'm Asnaghi-Nicastro Leandro. I sent in my application to renew my security pass and it was turned down this time. May I ask why?"

Clicketty-click-click.

"Oh yes. Because you've changed your name."

"I've changed my name? Since when?"

"Well, you are applying as Asnaghi-Nicastro Leandro, but we have here that you are Nicastro S. Leandro."

"Yes, it's a mistake on my SIN card. I explained this the last time I was there with a copy of my birth certificate on hand."

"Well, in order to renew your pass we need you to give us a legal document that explains that you've changed your name."

"I did not change my name. It's just a mistake on the SIN card."

"Well, there is nothing we can do about it unless you prove to us that you did not change your name."

"How do I prove I did not change my name?"

"You'll have to go down to the HRDC and speak to them. Perhaps they can give you a document that proves you've changed your name."

"Okay, perhaps I did not make myself clear. I did not change my name. It's a mistake in the SIN card."

"Well, we can give you a security pass with the name listed here."

"But that's only the latter half of my lastname."

"Well, you can bring us a document that says that it's your last name and that you had your name changed."

"Hold on here. Perhaps I speak with an accent and it's difficult to comprehend me. I. Did. Not. Change. My. Last. Name. Do you have a copy of my birth certificate there?"

"Yes, you submitted it last time."

"What does it say there?"

"Ah-sa-naaa-ghee Nay-ka-stro Leonardo."

"Close. But you see the last name?"

"Yes. So just bring us a document that says that you've changed your
name to Nay-ka-stro."

(slamming head repeatedly against the desk)

"Okay, thank you, bye."

HRDC, here we come.

Leandro still doesn't know what his name is.