Editorial: No Large Fries

This issue stood ready since November 16, but for some reason I just never wrote the editorial to go with it, and hence, I never sent it. November somehow disappeared in front of me and it's now December. I didn't really notice. Everywhere I went, the moment Halloween was over, Christmas decorations popped up. Any store I entered, Christmas carols played. I twitched in horror. And I swear, there is nothing worse than doing your grocery shopping on November 12, and you get to hear all the wonderful variations of every possible Christmas carol, as clerks walk by, with that nervous twitch in their eye.

Jeff and I, on our way back from the video store, stopped at McDonald's to grab some synthetic food to eat. Being the big stomping lad that I am, I asked for a Big Mac. Would you like fries with that? Yeah, large, please.

"We don't have large fries" was the response.
What do you mean you don't have 'large-fries'? This is McDonalds, they offer everything in large, including the girl serving me.
I looked up at the cardboard display and I could clearly see three sizes for the paper containers that hold the fries. And, as far as I could tell, there were three sizes: a tiny one, one that was bigger than that, and one that was bigger than all of them. When I said "large" I assumed it was clear I wanted the big one of the three.

Which brings an interesting point. When you order pop, you can get the next size for something like 15 or 25 cents more. It makes no sense. Why do I get four drops of coke for 3 bucks, and almost a litre four 3 dollars and 25 cents? Fries are much the same.

So I stare at the minimum-wage slave with a "the fuck are you talking about?" look, which was returned with that typical "I hate my job, don't fuck with me" look. Which is fine, I can understand and appreciate that, but if obviously I'm not cluing in, help me.

"So you have no large fries? Ran out of the cardboard containers?"
"No, we just don't carry them anymore".

At this point I was even more confused. The person in line next to me just got her large fries, and I was told they didn't carry them anymore.

Probably sensing my confusion the one-day-I'll-cure-cancer clerk says "But we do have Supersize fries". Actually it sounded like she said "Supe'size" kinda like when you say "Supe`fly". As she is telling me this, she points happily at the larger of the three fries containers on the cardboard display. The one I assumed was `large fries'.

"So that's not large?" "No, that's Supe'size(tm), large is right before it" "So, that's not medium there, that's large" "No, that's medium. Large was in between medium and the new size, Supe'size(tm)" "So if I ask for large fries, I won't get them. I have to ask for Supersize, despite the fact that you don't carry large anymore?" "Right".

I ended up getting my Big Mac with Supe'size fries.

Enjoy this much belated issue.