Brian Newman
| Department | Contributors |
Dear Sir or Madame,
Due to the volume of mail received, it is necessary to respond by this form letter. I hope this answers your questions and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Accordingly I, Brian Newman say to you:
_____ Thank you for your kind letter.
_____ Thank you for your misguided letter. You have the right to be heard and I suppose you should receive some credit for being so outspoken. But not from me.
_____ Thank you, and the same to you. Your comments have been passed on to the proper authorities and I have asked a certain Federal Agency to keep you under close surveillance.
_____ The information you asked for cannot be revealed at this time.
_____ I have brown hair, brown eyes and stand six feet tall. I enjoy stamp collecting, chess and opera. My favourite food is yogurt. Also carrots.
_____ I'm sorry I called you an Ignoramus. That means a 'dummy'.
_____ Yes.
_____ No.
_____ Under certain conditions.
Sincerely Yours,
Brian Newman
List of Articles
Dinner with Mr. Hu (Jul
18, 2005)
Getting Hitched (Jun
22, 2004)
How to Avoid Jury Duty (Jan
11, 1999)
How to Drive Home Drunk (Jun
24, 2002)
How To Get Rich (Jan
29, 2003)
How to reach Enlightenment (Mar
2, 2004)
A Letter to Santa (Dec
6, 2004)
Midnight Observations of a Coffee Addict (Mar
14, 2007)
My Arranged Marriage (May
24, 2005)
My Medium (Feb
1, 2005)
No Good Deed (Aug
23, 2005)
Santa's Answering Service (Dec
31, 2005)
The Split (Jul
21, 2004)
A Sure Cure (Oct
11, 2005)
Who Shot John F. Kennedy? (Dec
31, 2002)
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