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Hello World!!!

Smitty-boy

TitleOffice of Foreign Relations
DepartmentContributors

Smitty-boy can best be described in one word as "a lazy fuck." However, he doesn't let it stop him from doing nothing. Perpetually recovering from the night before, Smitty-boy fears he will never find true love or the remote for the TV.

In 2003 the voices in his head rose up and took over. Since then, the 140 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal known as Smitty-boy has written many literary masterpieces of crap. He blames the voices.

Sadly, the happy-go-lucky, wide-eyed, young & innocent and very naive kid we all knew and sort of tolerated has been sucked into the corporate world of Subway and was spat out a harsh, bitter, employed asshole. Again, it was the voices idea.

Smitty-boy's biggest fear is to be eaten by zombie teddy bears. His second greatest fear is a pie famine. If he sees either coming, he will ultimately kill himself and the fourth person he saw the day before.

The problems he brings to the world largely out-weigh the good he brought, mostly due to the fact he doesn't do any good. His two goals in life are to create a combination pie of cherry and apple... it will be called "chapple"(no affiliation with the church, it's just that appey sounds weird), and then eat his own weight in pie filling or jam.

His third greatest fear is to die a cliche death.

Remember, Smitty-boy is always watching and he doesn't like what he sees.

Articles

Anti-anti-Americans (May 17, 2003)
The article that is so totally awesome (Sep 1, 2003)
CCD-emons (Jan 5, 2004)
Death To Irony (Jun 24, 2003)
Dunkin' Donuts (Jan 26, 2004)
Eat Healthy, Die Anyway (Sep 15, 2003)
Hey Earth! Smoking is Good for You! (Jun 22, 2004)
It's 2003, Do You Know Where Your Beliefs Are? (Oct 7, 2003)
Jesus Loves You, Karma Doesn't (Aug 14, 2003)
Nothing says "I love you" like Subway (Mar 2, 2004)
People I Dislike (Mar 22, 2004)
People I Dislike (Jul 28, 2003)
Putting the "Die" back in "Diet" (Jul 21, 2004)
Story Time II (Nov 17, 2003)
Story Time III (Dec 22, 2003)
Story Time IV (Sep 20, 2004)
Story Time (Oct 20, 2003)
Understanding the AOL Jargon (Jul 14, 2003)